To resent carrying all of the mental load of catering for DSD's dietary requirements

What’s Jewish cheese!? I think you mean kosher cheese, but vegetarian cheese is fine for most (and if she was religious enough to only eat kosher cheese she wouldn’t be staying at a non-kosher house).

If she’s Jewish then just go veggie/fish except seafood, that is fine.

Does she eat non-kosher meat ie, chicken from a supermarket or does it have to be from a kosher butcher? The latter would be more challenging.

Your husband def needs to step up though, it’s his DD and he has the knowledge of what to cook.

what sort of meals do you cook normally as things can easily be adapted.

I like it just eggs and salt and (white) pepper

i cook scrambled eggs with butter

This will bells on. I can't get my head around people being controlled to the extent of what they can eat and when; which body parts they chop off, or hide; rules around sex and contraception... I'm not singling out any one religion, they're all bonkers. A sky fairy and some long dead men having an opinion on my hair, diet and pregnancies. Nope. You wouldn't accept this level of control from another person, it's abusive. Why do people brainwash their kids with it?

For things like carbonara you can just use Jewish cheese and serve the meat separately? I think you need to batch cook there are some Jewish content creators who have good batch cooking ideas that should take some of the pressure off

Has DP taken any time off at all with his daughter?

Dear God. The world, and the people in it, have gone mad.

Yep it’s different if it’s an invited guest. Then I would cater as a one off. But a permanent family member no. They eat what they are given. It would be the same if any of my own children decided to become vegetarian or vegan. They can make their own food. They can pick out the bits they want to eat but the meals would remain the meals I cook for the family. I don’t make separate food for different people

You don’t have to put milk in scrambled eggs??!!

Oh come on, eating religiously is not a mum trying to control her dds dad’s family. It is following her religion and this control argument is bullshit. The op is being a doormat and the dad a lazy jerk, and I’d take a week off cooking for anyone in this house, but the mum is not being controlling. I expect court would also think it mattered if the dad’s family refused to support her religion.

Step Dd Cant have chicken after scrambled egg as it has milk in it

Kosher is reasonably easy to cater for, and you can fit it in with your kid’s preferences. Don’t try and fit round the 6 hour thing - just do one pescatarian day followed by one non-dairy day followed by pescatarian again.

Day 1 - cereal with milk ; cheese sandwich with salad; fish and chips
Day 2 - scrambled eggs on toast; chicken sandwich with salad; roast chicken
Day 3 - cereal with milk; cheese sandwich with salad; macaroni cheese
Day 4 - toast and jam; omelette; chicken in tomato sauce with pasta

Eggs and fish can be any day.

If your DH is dismissing DSDs food requirements as unimportant, too much to think about and too much hassle, then why can’t you? The DSD eats something that wouldn’t comply with her mother’s strict set of rules, she tells her Mum and your DH deals with it. Your house, your rules and all DCs should learn to eat what they are given. The religious aspect is a smoke screen (imho). It’s a way of DSDs mother making your life difficult and retaining control of the situation. Change it now or you will be stuck with this indefinitely. Let DH deal with the consequences (or make the food).

Agree. all this nonsense made up by people thousands of years ago. I couldn't deal with any of it especially in my own home

Christ I'm glad I'm not religious and have to follow all these crazy and difficult food rules. Poor kid not being able to eat what her half siblings do ....because of some man made religious text set out thousands of years ago. People really are easily brainwashed! (and I say this having been brought up in a fairly religious Catholic family)

She’s seven!! You’re talking about her as if she is an older teenager or adult. We could say the same about OP’s children who won’t eat pasta sauce without meat or whatever the issue is.

OP and her DH need to parent all these children. At the moment they are pussyfooting around all of them which makes the catering impossible for poor OP. Of course the real issue is that DH is doing sod all to care for his own child, but to solve OP’s immediate problem she needs to speak to all the children about mealtimes and set some ground rules (she is working hard to make sure everyone has something they like and can eat, she expects them to be polite rather than moaning and accept that they can’t have their favourite thing every day and that’s just part of being a family). Then remind them of this when DSS is upset about cheese or her kids are whinging because they have tomato pasta rather than carbonara.

@orangefoxsoda I think the answer is to meal plan. Sit down with DH and do a four week meal plan, then use this anytime she visits. Cuts out all the thinking.

I would tell the DC who can't go a single meal without meat to pipe down though, that's a ridiculous complaint! They shouldn't have to go veggie, but eating carbonara without the meat for one dinner is hardly a great sacrifice. If they're old enough perhaps have a chat about the health implications of an excessively meat heavy diet (particularly red meat).

Fish and diary can be eaten togetehr so perhaps lean into this in the meal plan!

Your own children sound like they eat a lot of meat (if it’s every meal, every day). The issue seems to be meat and cheese- do these have to be present in every meal they eat, several times a day…
DSD’s diet doesn’t sound great either if she’s overweight, what’s the reason for it?

I’d go vegan /veggie for the month too, healthier and just sounds easier!

Or- if it’s the 6 hour rule that’s a pain more than the actual meat/cheese thing have breakfast at 7.30, lunch 12.30 and dinner at 6.30 and everyone can eat the same thing… kinda if you are buying kosher goods, I doubt you use different equipment to prep it though. It all sounds a bit 🤔to me!

I'd just do milky or parev breakfast and lunch - cereal, pancakes, scrambled eggs, tuna mayo, egg mayo, veg sticks and hummus or non-aged cheese, cream cheese and smoked salmon, cheese and tomato pizza, tuna pasta bake.

Then do a meat or fish dinner with carb and veg or salad - roast chicken, chicken kebabs, baked salmon, kosher sausages, chicken schnitzel, homemade meatloaf, meatballs... . For pudding, fresh fruit, ice lollies, dairy-free ice cream/vegan ice cream, vegan coconut or soy yogurts.

You said you’re buying kosher meat for her? What about cheese? What about prawns? What about puddings and sweets?

I’m really sceptical about this. It sounds more like the mum is using dietary requirements as a control over her ex’s new family.

I’m Jewish, brought up Modern Orthodox. I know how to keep kosher. No, your kitchen equipment and appliances do not need to be ‘blessed’. But you do need to have separate dishes and utensils for meat and milk foods. If the mum is so strictly kosher that she waits six hours between meat and milk, she would definitely not allow her daughter to eat from dishes that had held treif foods like ham, or meat cooked with dairy.

There are two issues here.

One is feeding your family. The simplest thing would be to go veggie for the month. Otherwise, deconstruct meals. All parts of the meal dished up separately, with animal protein on the side, and let everyone choose the parts they want to add to the main vegetarian base.

The other issue is your dh, her dad. Time for him to engage and set ground rules with his ex.

It is not unheard-of for children of mixed relationships to eat strictly kosher when with the Jewish side, and sort-of-maybe-a-bit-kosher when with the non-Jewish side.

I just couldn’t be in a relationship with a shit dad. I work full time and I feed my kids. I would tell him that and that dc and I were going away and he could work it out on his own and see what he thought about my contribution and how much parenting he was willing to do when he signed on to take his own daughter for 6 weeks, because if he can’t parent her then she can’t stay and that’s not on you.

Yes YABU @orangefoxsoda and so is your DP.

If both of you dont want/ can't be arsed to provide his child with a balanced, nutritious, kosher diet then he needs to tell her mum that. Job done.🤷‍♀️

You say he converted to Judaism. That is not an easy thing to do. It involves lots of studying, learning and understanding of G-d, the Jewish faith and the individual's responsibility to their family, their community and their religion. So he knows the significance of keeping kosher.

Your DP sounds like a feckless, fly-by-night, lazy man so I can understand your annoyance with him. Don't make it your step daughter's problem though. She is a seven year old child. None of this is her fault.

And whatever the fuck you do, don't bring her weight into it.🤦‍♀️

I can’t believe you used to give her bacon

I think your efforts sound so supportive of your DSDs faith. Definitely her dad needs to step up, even if only to meal plan so the meals suit the whole household. Even if you cook, he can do that bit. BUT the other DC - what is the obsession with meat? Where is that coming from? There are meat substitutes - not ideal many of them - but might work here eg in a bolognaise. I cook a veggie tagine, so not hot spicing, but you can add lamb (hopefully halal/kosher). Are the other DC interested in learning about their sister's beliefs? Perhaps they could all learn to cook dishes that suit? I am veggie, DC are meat/fish eaters, so get the nightmare of different meals.