Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent carrying all of the mental load of catering for DSD's dietary requirements

236 replies

orangefoxsoda · 16/08/2026 14:50

This probably sounds awful but hear me out. DSD7 is with us full time for the summer. She lives abroad with her mum and her school dates are different, so she's with us for about another month. DP ex is a different religion to us, DP converted while married to her so is technically the same religion, but doesn't practice.

DSD doesn't eat certain foods while with DP ex for religious reasons. She also doesn't eat certain combinations of foods together. DP ex has always wanted us to stick to these dietary requirements when she's with us, which of course I respect.

DP takes zero responsibility for mealtimes when DSD is here. He will occasionally cook for the kids when she's not here, but when she is he expects me to take on the mental load of planning things she can eat and our other kids will also eat. DDs are fussy eaters and a lot of the meals they will happily eat are things DSD can't, and aren't easy to adapt without having to make two separate meals. DSD is very overweight currently so I don't want to just put a ready meal in front of her, which DP would do most nights if I didn't cook.

AIBU to want him to take more responsibility? He has actually followed this diet so has a better idea of what to feed her than I do anyway.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 16/08/2026 15:25

I think you should let him sort it, because by resorting to ready meals when she's already overweight, he's being a shit dad, and i think you need to see and know that rather than that fact be tidied away by you. What he's expecting of you isnt on!

Ponderingwindow · 16/08/2026 15:23

Does the child want to follow the diet in your home? That would be my guide. It is a preference, not a requirement. If the child wants to use the visits to vary the diet, I would not enforce it.

If the child wants to maintain the diet, I would do my best, but expect my partner to take over most cooking.

BlackRowan · 16/08/2026 15:23

I would revert to ready meals then, sorry 😬

mindutopia · 16/08/2026 15:18

Yes, he should be organising everything for his child. I cannot imagine my child living in another country and only visiting me for the summer and not being around. I’d be spending every day with her and cooking every meal.

That said, if it’s something like she’s kosher (I’m Jewish but don’t keep kosher). It’s really no big deal. Just cook dairy meals only or meat meals only. You don’t have to keep anything separate. Presumably she isn’t strict orthodox or she probably wouldn’t be allowed to visit you anyway if you don’t keep shabbat, for example. It’s not hard to do a day of dairy free meals or a day of vegetarian meals. If you’re own kids are fussy, well, now is great time for them to get un-fussy. You can’t tell me the only meat free food they eat is mac and cheese and pizza. 😂

QPZM · 16/08/2026 15:16

YABU for being a doormat.

Tell him he gets far more involved in the cooking and planning, or she'll get served what his other children eat.

Then tell his ex wife why.

Original poster
orangefoxsoda · 16/08/2026 15:16

It's a religion you are born into, so technically she does follow it. This is what I'm told when I challenge this anyway. She's also old enough that she would tell her mum if we fed her things she isn't allowed at home.

DS and DDs won't eat most veggie food. I have tried! DDs in particular are really fussy. DS will accept things like macaroni cheese and pizza without meat, but not much else.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 16/08/2026 15:12

If he feels strongly about it then he needs to sort it out. If he expects you to carry the parenting load, you do what is practical for you.

StressedOutPeanut · 16/08/2026 15:06

His kid his responsibility otherwise she eats what you all eat. Tough shit.

Mumtotornadoes · 16/08/2026 14:59

I actually don't think I'd be willing to do this. 7yo doesn't actually follow any religion does she, she's 7, you're catering to her mum's dietary restrictions.

I think I'd just feed her, it's not an allergy it's a choice her mum is making for her, I don't think her dad (or you by extension) is required to follow it.

And if he does insist it needs following them he needs to be in charge of it.

AImportantMermaid · 16/08/2026 14:59

Go vegetarian (I’m not one) but put everyone on a diet of pasta and ratatouille or pasta sauce with peas and sweetcorn, chickpea curry, lentil chilli, beans and jacket potato, Quorn burgers with fries - whatever. One meal, no worries over meat or fish, and if anyone comments they can make dinner themselves. Make him sit with you and agree a meal plan and an away of sharing the cooking/cleaning.

Marroon · 16/08/2026 14:52

Are the other children your children or your shared children?
He sounds like a totally uninvolved father making almost no effort to raise his child. I’m sure this isn’t the only area you see this?