To resent carrying all of the mental load of catering for DSD's dietary requirements

Your DH should definitely at least be sharing the responsibility for meal planning.

For the DSD my suggestion would be alternating days as meat and dairy.

The meat days can be things like roast, burger, stir fry, spag bol etc. The veggie days if your other kids won't eat without meat then cook some meat separately to the main dish and stir in once you've taken DSD's portion out or serve it on the side (this is what I do as only veggie in the house).

Rubbish.

The wait between meat and dairy was basically an ancient food safety rule. Without fridges, mixing them could mess with your stomach or make you sick, so they built in a long pause to let everything digest. Wrapping it in religious rules just made sure people actually took it seriously

There are multiple dynamics at play with this situation and OP cannot fulfil the demands of them all, nor should she have too! It all has little to do with her being more or less supportive of DSD's Judaism and more about OP's partner not pulling his weight and supporting his daughter.
Her DSD's Kosher diet is not actually Kosher, but restrictive enough to cause planning and dietary issues. Her husbands ex is demanding adherence and she is trying her best to please her at the same time as their her fussy eater children with very little support from her partner.
She is not being unreasonable to expect support with the extra work the dietary requirements entail. She is doing her best and her DSD is no less Jewish for her efforts.

So you’re expecting the @orangefoxsoda to “design a full meal plan”?

It’s as though you think working mums aren’t busy enough as it is, in the summer holidays.

If someone told me to “design a full meal plan”, then shop for it, then cook it, in the middle of the summer holiday, I would tell ask that person if they were taking the piss. Then tell them to do one.

I'm guessing either Muslim or Jewish. I live with my Muslim partner. It's not that difficult. Check there is no pork in the food and no alcohol. Job done. Unless they insist everything has to be halal / kosher then that can be difficult.

And I wish that people who do not have a deep understanding of Judaism would stop presuming to explain it away. If you want to do that, start your own thread in Philosophy and Religion. This is not the thread for it. This thread is about supporting a poster with a complicated family dynamic which just happens to involve a religion.

This is not about religion. The religion is a red herring. This is about family dynamics.

Oh I hadn't clicked that was what was behind some of the diet restrictions. OK I understand not eating pork, because of the possibility of a worm if not handled correctly. And I get that shellfish can be a bit dicey, especially if time has passed since they were caught to transport them inland. But how is separating eating dairy and meat protective from illness? Or not eating beef? (again not thinking about any specific religion)

The dad chose to have a relationship and a child with a Jewish woman. We cannot say it’s nothing to do with him.

Disrespectful to describe religious dietary restrictions this way! And unreasonable - it would be horribly stressful for DSD to be repeatedly offered food she knows she shouldn’t eat - and likely she would end up not visiting if her mother knows this is what is happening - unfair to her and her father. I agree it is super annoying that DH will not help with the meal planning or cooking. I think the only way to make it a bit easier on yourself is to design a full meal plan for the remaining time which includes at least one day a week when the evening meal is a takeaway where there are varied options to suit the restrictions or DSD is given a ready meal.

What ready meals would her dad give her ?

why have to wait 6hrs after eating meat to add dairy - is that part of the religion

so some days can eat meat ?

and why are you sorting this out and dh not helping

It's not difficult to make meals that suit the child's religious rules as well as her preferences if the kid is just there on her own. It is difficult for the OP to do that whilst also accommodating her own children's dietary requirements and also being conscious of not making the visiting child feel upset. This is why the DP - who is not Jewish by birth and who has decided he's no longer Jewish having once converted but is now opting out - needs to at the very least step up and join in with his Jewish daughter's religious dietary requirements so that she doesn't feel like an outcast and, better, stop expecting the OP to do all the cooking for everyone all week.

I’m really shocked about the dismissiveness and disrespect of religious dietary requirements on here.

You don’t need to believe it matters. But people do, and it wouldn’t cross my mind to mock it, although I myself am not religious,

this is a child. Fuck sake, it’s not difficult to make meals to suit

Where are you going with this? That we should carry on with the rules, or it's very much optional now, as people aren't dying of mixing milk and meat?

I wish people would understand the reasons they had those things thousands and years ago it was because of health and sanitation.

People would get food poisoning and parasites. There was no modern medicine. There were no modern sanitation standards. Nobody had a high-end fridge where they could keep things frozen lol. things went off. people got sick and died people getting sick and dying weakened the tribe with less people there was less protection from attacks by others. That really is all there was to it so they made up these rules 🤦🏽

It’s unreasonable to expect the non-Jewish stepmother to live a kosher life for her DSD. Especially as the mother does not appear to be bothered about her daughter eating in a non-kosher kitchen, on dishes also used for non-kosher food.

Having kosher options available alongside other options, so that the all the children can choose what they can/will eat, is reasonable.

If the DSD isn't a fussy eater, then can you just give her meat substitutes instead of meat? My daughter was vegetarian for many years and the meat substitutes are amazing these days. Then you don't need to worry about the meat and dairy thing.

But you definitely have a DH problem here, rather than a meal planning one. Tell him if he doesn't parent his child properly, she can no longer stay.

I'm assuming you're parenting her most of the time too along with your and his other children?

But if the meat and cheese are separately available for people to add their own, it works. Each person can choose one, both, or neither to add to their meal.

The child is jewish because she was born to a jewish mother and its nothing to do with the dad

I would ask your husband to talk to the Rabbis at the Shul they go to, you won't be the first family in these circumstances or equivalent ones (ie. catering for elderly relatives who are more observant).

I suspect they can help come up with meal ideas that are reasonably familiar to everyone else.

Different branches of Judaism have different interpretations of the rules and some of the rules are family customs. Worth trying to talk to a Rabbi type about the extent to which your household can develop its own customs separate to her mum's customs. I'm pretty sure once she's 12/13 and is a religious adult there's room for that. Not sure what the thinking is with a child in a non practising household.

Would also suggest going with your stepdaugher to a supermarket with a big kosher section / a kosher shop to see if you can find any of her favourites.

I read good things about the double wrapped kosher meals made for airlines - whilst I understand not wanting to rely on that kind of pre-packaged food all the time it would give you some breathing space with an emergency meal or two.

No, this shouldn't be just for you to figure out without your husband's input - he should know something about the dietary rules already and be able to contribute to the meal planning and cooking.

No meat with dairy

I would stick to their requirements as much as I could, I just couldn’t be bothered about keeping a kosher kitchen. If I was OP I would probably just go meat free while the DSD is there, but see she has obstacles for this.

My little rant was more about the issue of religion generally sorry, seems like various rules for nothing, but that’s my view. People can follow whatever rules they like, and I would respect them as much as I could. I just think it is a load of nonsense.

Yes, I also do not follow a religion and don’t believe in any of it, but I 100% believe in religious freedom and if a child that I am responsible for is part of a religion then I’m going to respect that. The same way I would expect a religious person to respect that I won’t be following their religious practices.

A 7 year old is unable to manage this themselves and so if I force them to follow a diet that’s not in line with their religious practices then I’m in no doubt this may cause upset and angst for them. I think it would he really disgusting to not respect their religious identity.

If you ever asked to look after a child and won’t meet their religious dietary needs then do them a favour and just tell their parents you’re not willing to follow a basic level of decency so that they can not leave their child with you

Maybe this is one of those who count eggs as dairy. My sis in law used to, when she eschewed milk and cream (except when in chocolates). 🙄