People with kids: is my life actually easy compared to yours?

It's busier but (in our case) much happier. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of grief which is incredibly draining. Yes if you have a baby you will be tired in a different way, but cut yourself some slack.

There's f/t and then there's 55 hours a week. Nursery doesn't cover those hours. If you use a conventional nursery they open at 8 and close at 6 so the hours will have to be cut down in some way.

I'm sorry for your losses. It's the health issues that are sapping your energy, and possibly the commute too. It sounds like if you took away the commute you'd have a normal full time job (1.5hrs each way x 5 days = 15 hrs, thf 40 hour week?) - I changed jobs after I had kids because of this very issue.

While it is true that many parents deal with all this and more, your DH is right in the sense that it doesn't really help you to compare your life to theirs. Even if people on here tell you that your life is easy compared to theirs, that doesn't actually give you any more energy. Just look after your health and give it time. Good luck with the house move and the TTC.

I’ve never gone PT after going back to work when having my son. DH and I have always worked full time although I do now WFH most of week as does my husband which makes school pick ups easier. You just make it work because you have to.
Emotionally you’re going through a LOT. Take it easy on yourself x

If you had children you wouldn't both be doing 60 hour work weeks unless you had a nanny.

Most parents I know have both parents in full time roles, WFH or otherwise. You sound busy, but pretty normal. You have fewer people to consider and juggle however than families with kids, and fewer costs, which is what makes it look easier to deal with from the outside.

What's behind that feeling and this question? It looks like you're in the midst of a shit storm of life events. Adding kids in will probably make life busier, but you're also TTC right now. Go easy on yourself, it's all relative and how you feel doesn't need comparing to how busy others might be.

I don't think you can compare your life to anyone else's, kids or not. And I also don't think it is helpful for you to do so.

Some parents have 5 kids who are a dream to parent, who eat all their greens, brush their teeth without being asked and sleep early/wakes late. Some have 1 who is a mini tornado on fire 24/7.

Your path sounds very challenging in a number of ways, so anyone suggesting they have it harder simply due to number of humans in the household needs to walk a mile in your shoes first.

Lots of families don’t have a SAHM or very part time work anymore. We have one full time and one 4 days a week both in stressful jobs. 2 DCs, one referred for aSD and ADHD. I have diagnosis of both. No help. I very much struggle to keep up with life and am constantly overwhelmed.

You’ve had some stressful things going on with your health and family, I’d go with a bit of both. Kids do make everything harder, but you won’t have the medical issues ongoing which I imagine must be making your life very difficult at the moment. So I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself at this time.

You make it work
I have two kids and always worked FT, DH who worked incredibly long hours and barely any family support
you get organised, you plan and you manage

You have a lot of emotional strain at the moment.
I think you are comparing apples with pears.
It varies with the age and stage of kids.
My worst time was with a toddler and new born. I can’t even remember the first 5 months of my newborns life. I was so exhausted. It was easy with only one. I napped when they did. I couldn’t do that with a toddler too.

You have a lot on your plate and are being hard on yourself.
Good lick with your move.

It’s perfectly possible to have both of you work full time in demanding jobs and have children. It would be hard, but with more practical tasks and less emotional drain than some of your current issues. Don’t worry about it.