DH hates young children in our house

I strongly suspect that he will have nothing to do with grandchildren.

Not my point.

Is this sarcasm?

I think it’s unfair and teaching a child that their things aren’t to be kept safe or respected if someone else wants to mess with them and that keeping a good relationship means having boundaries trampled and their possessions don’t matter if it keeps others happy.

Imagine if you were told your car, furniture or jewellery weren’t valuable enough to keep other people from touching and messing with them if they felt like it. Would you think the same?
I know some people don’t care about their things but this child does and I was the same as a kid.

I didn’t like anyone going through my stuff and wrecking it when I kept everything in perfect condition as it might not have been possible for my parents to replace it.

I think there is a difference to being overly materialistic to taking pride over looking after your belongings and keeping them safe and cared for and not wanting people to touch them and risk ruining them.

Really not seeing the appeal boggling that you agreed to marry him. Why?! Rather be on my own.

He's going to be a delight if any grandchildren come along.

My Aunt had a DH like that. It’s the reason she opted not to have children as she seen how he was around them.

He sounds like a fun guy 🥳

It seems so paradoxical. If he has such a low tolerance for people and children that he can't deal with anyone in his living space, it is hard to understand why he got married (presuming you lived togethe) and then he even choice to actually have children.

Equally hard to grasp is why you seem to take issue now, because his changed plans he wants you to stop your friends from visiting, but yet you appear to be so accepting of the fact that he went absent, for what must have been years, to avoid his own children you call him a 'great dad'. Plus to a lesser extent, you seem to have accepted it's normal you plan your social calendar entirely around his whereabouts.

It's all so odd, it just doesnt compute.

One who left the family home when he fathered children because he couldn't stand it.

He already has kids with OP. He moved out and only returned when they had grown up. OP still describes him as a 'great dad'. I have no idea why as he sounds utterly dreadful.

I know! It's shocking, they sound feral.

What did your friend do about this? In all my years of hosting friends and family with young children, I've never experienced anything like this.

What kind of strict loser dad will he be?

I know what he means. Although slightly unreasonable now his arrangements have changed. He should just put up with it now.

Your own children know the boundaries you have set. When my children’s friend visited, the very first visit a child kicked a football and smashed my clock. One climbed on the balustrade and broke it. They played hide and seek and went in every room. If felt horrible and I couldn’t wait for them to leave. I did grin and bear it though for the sake of the children having play dates.

Who are these children and adults that you spend time with? They sound very low grade and appear to have incontinence issues.

Tbf, there are a lot of parents now who kind of sit there gormlessly while their children run riot and damage things.

I seriously thought you didn’t have children bloomin eck this makes it worse. What a weird man and having his own children too! Were you both excluded from visiting homes with your children?

I was thinking the same. Imagine a man just bailing on his wife and two small children. Then she takes him back.

I’ve banned kids from my house too for similar reasons.

My friend brought her young son and daughter to my house which is completely unsuitable for kids.

Her daughter got into my make up and completely destroyed it and spilt eyeshadow into the pale grey carpet then trod in it so it rubbed it in further and spread it round.
She also was messing with my jewellery and lost/stole a ring that was my mum’s who had recently passed away and I never did get it back. It was years and years ago but still upsets me and I often wonder if my friend found the ring in her daughter’s possession but didn’t tell me so we are no longer close friends because of it.

Her son unpicked the stitching on our leather sofa and created a hole then denied it.
She refused to pay for any damage so I had to pay a fortune to replace my make up and have the carpet cleaned and sofa fixed.

My ex boyfriend used to bring his kids after I said I didn’t like it.
I have a lot of ornaments and things arranged how I like it and his kids used to pick up and move them around and make mess everywhere and he would just watch as they broke things and never did offer to clean up or replace things.

I feel there are too many people who don’t parent properly so don’t want to invite kids round now.
If people bring them with them then I go outside when they turn up and shut the door behind me and suggest we go somewhere else to keep their kids entertained.

Most people in my life are aware how I feel and I find it very rude to turn up with uninvited kids and it’s not fair on them.
Also how are you supposed to spend time together and have uninterrupted conversation? It doesn’t seem possible?!

This is so fucked up. I was assuming you didn’t have kids. But apparently he also hated his own kids when they were little. So sad.

That's great advice for a child.

He has not been a great husband and a great dad. He still isn't.
I've no idea why you've settled for a life with a man who couldn't be in the same house as his own young children, however - you did.
You can either continue to live a life putting up with this or leave. I doubt that he'll change.

Does he have OCD?

Why did you have several children with him? What on earth did you do if your children wanted friends around? What will you do if you have grandchildren? He must have some redeeming qualities but I don't understand why women like you put up with this nonsense.

I wouldn't be planning my social life around whether my dh was home or not. In this case he has two options, he can go out for the day and avoid the guests or he stays and interacts. I would not tolerate rudeness or abruptness towards my guests.

I have a child who is particularly precious about her things, when we have young children over she is reminded to put them out of reach. I also remind her that whilst there is no issues with wanting to keep your things nice they are only objects and should not hold more value than relationships with people.

I'm wondering if he's got certain tendancies so avoids children for that reason, although why you'd marry someone and have children with them if that's the case is beyond me.