Aibu to be hurt?

I would strongly consider walking away from all of them...especially your partner. This is a line that can't be uncrossed. Your partner doesn't respect you.

I can understand a bit where theyre coming from. Sometimes you want to do things with your original family unit. I think if the siblings also had partners it may not feel as hurtful. Are there other kids, or just DS and DSS?

Exactly why it needs to be nipped in the bud.

So how many times has your husband gone on holiday with his parents and your joint children while leaving you at home?

This wouldn’t bother me tbh. It’s completely fine for them to have a holiday, just them and take DS imo.

I get on very well with my ILs and we have a great time together but they’ll never be my family in the same way that my parents and siblings are.

Exactly, you're sending a message that it's unacceptable and presumably will explain why when they ask why DS isn't going. Hopefully they'll think twice about doing it again

Maybe they’ll learn to be more bloody respectful to the mother of their grandchild and there won’t be a next time!

Anything you get asked to do. You’re not family. Repeat, repeat. It’s not petty, just responding to how they’re treating you.

Your DS is 4, he's not going to remember the holiday he never went on.

Fuck that.

NO.

Do not allow your cunt of a partner to make you feel excluded and to take your son on a holiday without you.

I have seen things like this played out irl. Mothers being sidelined by fathers family and the damaged relationships between the children and mother later, as the child internalises the mum as not quite as important. You can not allow this to just happen. Honestly, it’s so utterly toxic. your partner is an absolute idiot. Honestly how you can still stand to be in the same room as this coward I do not know.

This is truly awful and I agree it's sets a terrible precedent. You really do need to speak to the in laws and explain how it sets the idea that you are a lower standing than the rest of them and whilst you would not want to be anywhere you are not wanted you are extremely hurt.
If you would rather your son doesn't go book the best thing you can with him.. Legoland, paultons park, digger land etc and take him there or if you are happy for him to go send him and book a spa break BUT now things change.
No invitations to your house, no presents, no xmas dinner, nothing. Just completely withdraw.
I'm afraid I'd be having very strong words with partner and a work to rule in the house (as long as SS not affected)..e.g if you normally take SS swimming on Saturdays I'd as il to do it as your "not family". Rinse and repeat. Petty but will get your point across.

Gosh how upsetting for you. It is unreasonable not to invite you yes. However like you, if I am not wanted I would not want to go. I think I would not make a big fuss personally but would take a big step back from them. Don’t help DP sort gifts and stuff. Go round and attend events much less often. Let DP facilitate their relationship with DS. When they want help or a favour, any of them, or if DP needs flexibility from me so he can help his family, I would immediately remember I’m not family to them and not put myself out. What do you do for DSS? Is there anything you can drop (without hurting DSS) to inconvenience DP? If they want it, they get it, all of them.
There is an option to say DS can’t go if you don’t. That you come as a pair. At 4 that is reasonable. Im in 2 minds about it. I get the point - DS should not see you treated badly and should see you stick up for yourself. Personally I wouldn’t as they may well say well you can to come too then, I wouldn’t want to go in those circumstances.

This is not the same as not being invited on a HOLIDAY when your partner and child are!

Christ I can’t believe how obtuse some people are on here.

I wouldn’t want to go anywhere my mother had been excluded from!

OP, this is horrible. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your partner absolutely should raise it. Married or not, you are a family and other people don’t get to decide that you’re not.

@notpartofthefamilyI think there is a general consensus on here that this is wrong on the part of in laws and your DP - so what are you going to do about it ?

I would let it happen, but make it clear to DP that he’s given a loud and clear message that may have consequences down the line.

I’d enjoy the fact that I wasn’t part of the cooking and cleaning and babysitting in a big group.

I’d take the opportunity to do some really good things on my own or with friend. Make a tradition out of necessity, and do a city break or something.

I’d take the opportunity to have a really nice week to myself…. I would genuinely love this.

Well now you know how they see you, so you back off. Don’t put yourself out for them. If you’re not family then that’s how I would act.

Do you get on with your sil and bil? That’s the only thing I can think - that one of them have requested its just immediate family.

I don’t think it’s right, I find it really bizarre but there must be a reason they are not inviting you.

Maybe your dp knows the reason but doesn’t want to say? I would be annoyed if my dp wasn’t pushing this more