Aibu to be hurt?

Your DP is uncomfortable talking to his own father about this? Why? Bc he wants a free holiday more than not upsetting and alienating the mother of his child? Why did his brother invite him and not their parents?

All very odd. I wouldn’t be attending any further ‘family’ events or inviting them to attend mine or my house. Certainly wouldn’t be around with my child if DP invited them round, shocking twats

-edited as OP answered my question in pp

Could it be something to do with your DSS? Are your family welcoming to him? When you and your DP and DS visit your family, does DSS come as well?

What your ILs have done is very pointed and spiteful so I'm clutching at straws to think of some reason why they would do this, especially as you have a good relationship with them.

Way too young to understand you have separate families and so separate holidays. Also 4 year olds need and want both parents.

Your DH is a dick for going along with this and not speaking to his parents to check that they actually don't want you coming.

Come on OP, you're speculating about your PIL's reasons but seem passively accepting of neither your DP nor you actually asking them.

How old are you and dp and also how old is ss and s? You've been together 7 years and his siblings are in their 20s. So are you both in your 20s and the children came about when you were both very young? Was he with ss mum for a long time?

I feel like either they have some grudge about the ex and how you guys got together or you got together as teens and they e provided a lot of support with your dp when ss was small and still kind of consider him a separate unit.

They might also know you're not getting married so you don't have to share finances with your dp and therefore think yous aren't as serious and long term as you think you are. Hard to say but I'd say there's something behind it and your dp doesn't want to discuss it with them because he's a coward.

I still think you are in the right even if those are their reasons I just think they must be justifying it to themselves somehow

They are beyond horrible especially your DH for going along with this.

But you are their son’s partner and their grandchild’s mother. You are a part of their family!

Family doesn’t mean blood.

If your partner goes, and hasn’t got the balls to say anything to his parents I would leave him.

Or if you stay, you have the opportunity to get the best revenge at Christmas. Invite all your family round and tell your partner his parents/siblings aren’t invited as it’s just for family only. See how he likes that.

I would absolutely not let my child go to this without me and my partner would NEVER even consider going to this without me. Sure he would grab a casual dinner with siblings or pop and see his parents without me it’s ok to have a relationship with your parents without your partner always there, but a family holiday and your partner is the only one excluded?! Absolutely not that’s insane to me. You and your children are his family. They are his extended family. He needs to give his head a wobble I’m actually flabbergasted you’re tolerating this from your partner.

But is this a wind-up? Lots of replies, late and early?

I just can't believe people would be this insensitive.

Your son is 4, 1000% I'd be saying he's not going and take him on a really fun holiday elsewhere, an adventure just the two of you, your family seeing as only blood counts on your DP side.

Not to make your son niss or, but to give him a fun time and to treat blood connections the same as your DP.

I can't believe this. Is this a wind-up? You are a family with your DP, DS, and DSS. That's your nuclear family which means by extension, you are now part of his wider family. Utterly ignorant, rude and massively disrespectful to be treated otherwise, by all of the others, ESPECIALLY DP.

This would (and should) change this forever with all of them. Can you not show your DP this thread to try to show him you are NOT being unreasonable, he is and he needs to sort it as it is sending you the most hurtful message ever. Truly horrible.

^Very much this^

DS cannot be "one of the family" if you aren't. You should absolutely forbid this. There's something not right here and it's time for your man child to grow a spine and stand up for you. His priorities should always be children first, then partner, then extended family.

Actually the more I read the original post the more irritated I am. I'd advise him that you will be booking that same week away with DS. Maybe see your family if that's an option, otherwise a nice b&b somewhere with access to a zoo or a Legoland equivalent etc. and charge it all to the joint account.

I think most of us have been in a situation where you have to choose a side - your own family vs parental family - and you should almost always choose your partner and children. It's usually over something much smaller than this but it shouldn't take a nanosecond to decide that your partner and children are more important.

Stand up for yourself as one of the family. Visit FIL in person and ask why you are not invited? And state clearly that you would like to be included.

If you are still not invited refuse to allow your DS to holiday with people who have such unkind views. Is there something weird happening such as DSS's mother coming along?

How old is your DS?

Is there a cultural element?
It would still be weird and disrespectful, but at least there'd be a potential explanation.
Regardless, the husband is an absolute dick to go along with it and allow his wife to be excluded in this way.

But you get to say no thank you, I wouldn't be fine without DS. I'd be putting my foot down with DP and saying if he goes, he goes without DS.

You’re still focusing on the in-laws (“would it be different if they had known me 20/30 years”) and not on your DP. Your DP going along with it without raising it with his parents is so disrespectful to you.

You need to think about what message this gives your child (and DSS). When you or DP tell them you’re not going too, how will you explain it to them?