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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family feud and inheritance

191 replies

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 20:47

I adore my brother. Approximately 33 years ago he married an incredibly insecure woman who came from an incredibly disfunctional family. Appalling manners, absolutely no idea how to behave and offended not only our family members but also our parents friends. We were continuously making excuses for her even though she was always such an embarrassment. Family gatherings were always tense to say the least but my parents and I always took the higher ground when she had her continuous digs to make herself feel better about herself. She was insanely jealous of my brothers relationship with our mother and she hurt my mother on so many occasions but my mother said nothing. About 26 years ago we had a family Christmas and she deliberately excluded my son who was about 3 at the time from a Christmas Eve occasion leaving cookies & milk for Santa. After new year, I let my brother know exactly how I felt about her and I was speaking for my parents too, particularly my mother. As a result my brother has not spoken a word to me until in 2023 my father died and my mother followed in 2024. My father’s Will split his estate 50/50 between my brother and I. I divorced my ex husband in 2022 and had to buy my ex out of his equity in the house. due to my age, late 50’s I was limited in the amount I could borrow so my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000. Now my brother is suggesting that I go against the Will and give him half of what my father gave me as that was my father’s intention. Please let me know what you think I should do

OP posts:
TheDreamyFinch · 15/08/2026 21:35

Sorry you lost me at cookies and milk for Santa.

Silverfoxette · 15/08/2026 21:35

Was the £89,000 a loan or a gift?

Queenncat · 15/08/2026 21:34

Namechangee11 · 15/08/2026 21:13

You'll need to pay Inheritance Tax on it .. personally I would give him half of the 89k because that is fair...

Only if it's an amount liable to IHT

Queenncat · 15/08/2026 21:33

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/08/2026 20:55

Tell your brother to do one.

ha ha - agreed!

WhistPie · 15/08/2026 21:32

Namechangee11 · 15/08/2026 21:13

You'll need to pay Inheritance Tax on it .. personally I would give him half of the 89k because that is fair...

Not necessarily

Northernlassie123 · 15/08/2026 21:32

I dunno. If your father was of sound mind and he gave it to you then it was just that .a gift. He could have changed the will if he wanted to even it out for your brother. I’m close to my siblings so I’d probably right this but you haven’t spoken to yours for years.. so i think I’d probably just follow the will

Livelovebehappy · 15/08/2026 21:29

Depends on the discussion you had with him about the money. Whether he had expectations that it was repaid at some point.

LemonSnail · 15/08/2026 21:29

BeRoseSloth · 15/08/2026 21:27

You say your dad died a year before your mum. Was she not mentioned in his will at all? What did her will say? Is the estate liable for IHT?

Good point, where is the DM’s will in this?

BeRoseSloth · 15/08/2026 21:27

You say your dad died a year before your mum. Was she not mentioned in his will at all? What did her will say? Is the estate liable for IHT?

Bobandbear25 · 15/08/2026 21:26

I feel it hinges on whether it was a gift or not and if you feel your parents would hope you’d allow some compensation for this. I’d want to do what I felt my parents would wish for me to do.

Whaleandsnail6 · 15/08/2026 21:25

Morally, I think you should give him half.

Your dad helped you out when you needed it but that has impacted on your brother's share of inheritance.

I get that inheritance is never a given, but in this scenario, you benefitted from a huge amount of money that, if you hadn't, your brother would be getting half of that sum

What would your honest view be if you were brother in this position?

PinkyFlamingo · 15/08/2026 21:17

Im not really sure the rights and wrongs of what happened in the past, so your brother stopped contact with you, what about your parents ?

LemonSnail · 15/08/2026 21:16

Namechangee11 · 15/08/2026 21:13

You'll need to pay Inheritance Tax on it .. personally I would give him half of the 89k because that is fair...

Why? The estate may be under the parents joint allowance?

Namechangee11 · 15/08/2026 21:13

You'll need to pay Inheritance Tax on it .. personally I would give him half of the 89k because that is fair...

Lmnop22 · 15/08/2026 21:12

WhistPie · 15/08/2026 21:07

There's no indication that the joint estate (mother & father) is more than £1m is there?

Oh is that the rule? My ignorance showing through then - sorry!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/08/2026 21:09

I’m hoping my brother will take into account the large sum he’s been given, when it’s time for DM’s estate to be resolved. I doubt she’ll get round to rewriting her will about it, but it’s definitely a loan.

amraa · 15/08/2026 21:08

Nope tell him to do one. Ur father gave u that money whilst he was alive, that was ur dad’s money to do with as he wishes. You owe ur brother jack all. Probably best u continue not speaking to him, seems like horrid brother anyway

LittleMissClutter · 15/08/2026 21:08

I don’t understand what the character assassination of your SIL has to do with inheritance?

WhistPie · 15/08/2026 21:07

Lmnop22 · 15/08/2026 20:59

Surely you’re now paying inheritance tax on this sum since he died within 7 years of giving you the money?

There's no indication that the joint estate (mother & father) is more than £1m is there?

Purpleturtle45 · 15/08/2026 21:05

I think it would be fair to give him half, was it a loan or a gift from your Dad?

LemonSnail · 15/08/2026 21:03

Lmnop22 · 15/08/2026 20:59

Surely you’re now paying inheritance tax on this sum since he died within 7 years of giving you the money?

It depends how large the estate was.

lordbaddingham · 15/08/2026 21:02

Just do whatever you have to legally. It doesn't sound like handing over extra money is required so he can swivel, quite frankly.

nomas · 15/08/2026 21:01

Tell him to fuck off (politely).

Pigginbeautiful · 15/08/2026 21:00

@MellowPinkBee How does your brother know about the £89k?

How much is the 50/50 split excluding the £89k?

Your answer to the second Q determines my opinion to your Q.

Itsthewoluff · 15/08/2026 21:00

Honestly do as you think your dad would have wanted.

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