Page 4 | Family feud and inheritance

MellowPinkBee · 2026-08-15T19:47:08+00:00

I adore my brother. Approximately 33 years ago he married an incredibly insecure woman who came from an incredibly disfunctional family. Appalling manners, absolutely no idea how to behave and offended not only our family members but also our parents friends. We were continuously making excuses for her even though she was always such an embarrassment. Family gatherings were always tense to say the least but my parents and I always took the higher ground when she had her continuous digs to make herself feel better about herself. She was insanely jealous of my brothers relationship with our mother and she hurt my mother on so many occasions but my mother said nothing. About 26 years ago we had a family Christmas and she deliberately excluded my son who was about 3 at the time from a Christmas Eve occasion leaving cookies & milk for Santa. After new year, I let my brother know exactly how I felt about her and I was speaking for my parents too, particularly my mother. As a result my brother has not spoken a word to me until in 2023 my father died and my mother followed in 2024. My father’s Will split his estate 50/50 between my brother and I. I divorced my ex husband in 2022 and had to buy my ex out of his equity in the house. due to my age, late 50’s I was limited in the amount I could borrow so my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000. Now my brother is suggesting that I go against the Will and give him half of what my father gave me as that was my father’s intention. Please let me know what you think I should do

FoldItIn · 16/08/2026 01:02

It was a gift @MellowPinkBee so don't not give your brother anymore than the will states.
The will is your father's final wish.
The entitlement is of the scale. You don't have a relationship with him anyway.

dh280125 · 16/08/2026 00:42

If it was a loan, give brother half. If a gift do nothing - it’s your father’s intention that matters.

Anonyanonay · 16/08/2026 00:30

It's always the sons and brothers when it comes to wills and inheritance.

Ilmiocompleanno · 16/08/2026 00:29

Haven't RTFT, but what did your father say about the £89,000? Didn't he imply that it was a loan or you getting a share of your inheritance in advance? If so, I think you should go with your father's wishes and treat it as such even if your father didn't put anything in writing. If your father just told you he was giving you £89,000 then there's no reason to think it was anything other than a gift and you shouldn't let it affect the division of the remaining estate (but bear in mind that a gift of that size made in the seven years before death may attract Inheritance Tax).

itwasyourshowallalong · 16/08/2026 00:25

Follow the will to the absolute letter

He sounds like a thoroughly nasty bastard who doesn’t deserve a penny. He should be fucking grateful your Dad left him anything given his behaviour

I’m so sorry about your parents, it really sucks 😔 x

AcrossthePond55 · 16/08/2026 00:20

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

To my mind your father gave you that money of his own free will. It was a gift from him to you. If he'd wanted to play 'even Steven' he would have given your brother a like amount at the time or would have made it a priority to change his will. He didn't.

As far as I'm concerned his 'lack of action' to do either means that he intended for you to have the money and also intended that your brother not receive an equal amount, either at that time or after his death.

So no, I wouldn't give him a bean.

And for what it's worth to those who may think I have a reason for feeling so, I don't. My parents were absolutely scrupulous in keeping things even between their children. Even to the point that when Mum gave me her mother's engagement ring, she gave my siblings equal value in cash. None of us expected or demanded that, it's just the way they wanted to handle things. OP's father did things differently.

LejlaKapovic · 16/08/2026 00:19

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

You honour your father's wishes. I'm normally all for siblings getting equal inheritances but your brother sounds rotten. Perhaps he caught it from his rotten wife, they do say you become the company you keep.

It sounds like your father saw your brother's appalling behaviour and decided he'd rather not split his assets equally. Again, normally I'm not for this, but in this scenario I think he's been generous. If my son and his wife had treated me as your brother and his wife have treated your father, I wouldn't have given him/them a penny.

justasmalltownmum · 16/08/2026 00:17

Don’t do anything

LordFarquard · 16/08/2026 00:14

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

Why did you not mention this in your OP? Seriously?

ByGreyHam · 16/08/2026 00:14

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

LordFarquard · 16/08/2026 00:12

TheWorthyNewt · 15/08/2026 22:26

Tell him to do one. He sounds exactly like my brother and your sister in law sounds exactly like mine! If your dad wanted him to have any of it then he'd put it in his will. He didn't and your brothers hearsay wouldn't stand up in a court. He's a greedy chancer who I bet did absolutely nothing for your parents and you did everything for them.

Show quote history

It is WILD that you are making these sort of assumptions based on one paragraph of text.

You have absolutely no idea of what the OP or her brother did for their parents or what their relationship is truly like.

The OP needed bailing out - the brother didn’t. If anyone here sounds like a greedy chancer it’s the woman who received a big chunk of 100k a few months before receiving her inheritance.

There must be something very, very wrong with you if you are so confidently making these assumptions?

Namenamchange · 16/08/2026 00:10

Your dad was quite clear.
Keep the money. What do you have to gain by sharing it?

OneFineDay22 · 16/08/2026 00:09

Yuck, why are there so many people like this?

If your dad gave you £90k and then left the rest to be split 50/50 then that’s that.

Brother sounds like he was lucky to get anything after the way he treated his/your dying father.

Namechangee11 · 16/08/2026 00:06

LemonSnail · 15/08/2026 21:16

Why? The estate may be under the parents joint allowance?

Show quote history

But the 89k is a gift... And it is less than 7 years ago... It may well be under the limit but this isn't part of the estate is it.

fivepastmidnight · 15/08/2026 23:52

I was going to ask when the will was written but it's clear that your father meant you to have 50/50 and he viewed the 89K that he gave you for the house as separate. How does your brother even know about the 89K? When he stopped speaking to you did your brother also stop speaking to your parents? it sounds like your created the specifically so the brother couldn't come after the 89K as if it was a loan.
If my brother hadn't spoken to me for 26 years then I wouldn't feel inclined to do anything other than follow the letter of the will. However you say you adore him and if you want the inheritance to be exactly the same there's nothing to prevent you giving 45 K more out of the estate to even things up.

Papster · 15/08/2026 23:43

Kirschcherries · 15/08/2026 23:28

This update makes a massive difference.

Your Dad’s will was written after the £89k had been gifted. This was clearly a gift and whilst it forms part of his estate for IHT purposes the intention was when working out your 50% it was excluded.

Show quote history

Agreed
And if estate is £1 million plus, (assuming DM left all to him and the housing was of sufficient value to qualify for the £350 k allowance )it does need to be taken into account when solicitor/accountant do the sums.
If it isn’t, it doesn’t .
But OP hasn’t clarified the situation

Eclipseydo · 15/08/2026 23:30

Your father gifted you the money unless it states otherwise somewhere?
The rest of his estate is halved.
Ignore your brother.
Don't entertain him.

Kirschcherries · 15/08/2026 23:28

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

This update makes a massive difference.

Your Dad’s will was written after the £89k had been gifted. This was clearly a gift and whilst it forms part of his estate for IHT purposes the intention was when working out your 50% it was excluded.

CinderellaGotOld · 15/08/2026 23:26

There’s your answer then

PrettyPickle · 15/08/2026 23:23

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

Then this tells all concerned that your Father was content for you to still have 50% of his estate AFTER you had the house money. He wrote his will saying you split it 50/50 after you had the money for the house. Your brother tried to raise it and your Dad stood firm. Those where your Fathers wishes. End of.

Except of course life is not that simple if you want a relationship with your brother going forward and only you know whether that is of value.

Gengha · 15/08/2026 23:23

Why do you adore your brother? He sounds like a cunt

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/08/2026 23:12

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

So the extra money earlier was a gift.
is it so hard to say ‘dad intended the money as a gift?’ If so I’d keep it.

Daisydoor12 · 15/08/2026 23:12

Surely you wil@ have to pay inheritance tax on the 89k from your father as he didn’t live 7years. Seek legal advice

PeachMelbaYoghurt · 15/08/2026 23:11

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 15/08/2026 23:09

Just seen your 22.44 update @MellowPinkBee .

Your brother sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant individual.

He hounded your father about his Will when the poor man was days from death.

For this reason alone I wouldn't be speaking to him again.

Your father made it perfectly clear that the Will was exactly as he wanted it to be.

He did NOT want to give your brother more money to even up what you had already received.

You will be abiding by your father's last wishes by keeping the full amount left to you in his Will.

Stand firm. 💐

Show quote history

Agree.

I'd ignore him, not speak a word to him, just as he has to you for over 20yrs. He's only spoken with you now because he's after money.

I just wouldn't engage with him.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 15/08/2026 23:09

MellowPinkBee · 15/08/2026 22:44

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

Just seen your 22.44 update @MellowPinkBee .

Your brother sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant individual.

He hounded your father about his Will when the poor man was days from death.

For this reason alone I wouldn't be speaking to him again.

Your father made it perfectly clear that the Will was exactly as he wanted it to be.

He did NOT want to give your brother more money to even up what you had already received.

You will be abiding by your father's last wishes by keeping the full amount left to you in his Will.

Stand firm. 💐