AIBU to feel annoyed after a mum's sarcastic supermarket comment?

Is this post a social experiment to gauge people’s assumptions about which person in the story is which colour?

If not, I am wondering which part of the woman’s verbal response was racist?

Or were there other non-verbal cues?

I’m white and sometimes white people are knobs to me too, no race issue involved.

I can well believe that.

Yesterday I was on a really crowded tube, standing up, and (I'm no spring chicken) I suddenly realised that a younger black woman was signalling to me to very kindly offer me her seat. I was jolted out of my daydream and I said 'I'm really sorry - I was miles away! ' and said thanks very much, but I was getting off at the next stop.

She was lovely and I really, really hope she didn't think I was deliberately ignoring her.

Maybe if you had been a bit more forthcoming (maybe in your title) about believing the mother was rude to you because of your race then this would have been a different discussion.

Your first post talks about it crossing your mind that it was racially motivated yet now you say you trust your instinct 100% ie you KNOW she would not have spoken to you that way if you had been a different race.

No one (I hope) is going to say "yes of course it's OK she was rude to you because of your ethnicity".
Summary - racism is bad.

Also - where did I say there was no crying?

The point was - it wasn't clear who or where his parent was - it only became apparent once I was helping him - so, long ago as it was, it's likely he was crying. At that playgroup parents tended to stand behind their children's chairs and chat while the kids had their snack, so it was unusual for the little boy to be left to his own devices.

There is nothing worse than wishing you had said something to a rude person then letting it play on your mind. Rise above it, unfortunately society is full of ignorant rude people and ethnicity has nothing to do with it. She is probably leading a miserable life and projects it on to everyone else. Just be glad that you weren't born like this and are polite and have manners and respect others. Its a rare quality you have. Its not worth dwelling over as that loser is living in your head rent free which is more than she deserves!

I was standing almost behind him at the time. He'd have been about....15 months? They were very young and he sort of fell sideways off the chair onto a hard floor - it could have been nasty.

I don't think you could ignore that if you were literally the person behind the child (mine was next to him). He couldn't have got back on himself.

But you make a snap decision in these moments - I did what seemed right at the time. HOnestly, if I'd just stood back and let this little boy struggle and flail amid the table legs and other children's feet,you'd be criticising me for that!

The thought did cross my mind would she have said this if I was a different ethnicity?

What are you on about?! Also, this isn't worth making a post about; it isn't even a minor inconvenience.

I think that you're being unreasonable to make this post.

Her child fell off a kids chair? No crying? Why get involved. He’s have got up and sat back down

I get how you are feeling, OP.

I'm not great at letting these things go myself! Years ago when my son was at a baby/toddler group and it was time for sit down for squash and biscuits, a group of mums I didn't know were standing in a little circle, backs to me and chatting while their children had their snack. A little boy fell off his chair and no-one seemed to notice, so I gently helped him back up.

Then one of the mums (clearly his) turned and glared at me and started to attend to him. I said 'he fell off his chair' and she muttered something about me having knocked him off. I was so dumbfounded that, like you, I didn't manage a response, but it really upset me.

Not only had she ignored her child and not thanked me for stepping in, but I got a scowl and a nasty accusation for my efforts.

I know we should be able to put these things in proportion, but I've never forgotten that! I was made to feel like a child abuser.

Oh yes, and there are occasions when you know it’s not down to that. But BAME people do tend to develop an instinct for these things, for when it is and isn’t.

Why on earth do you think that's unique to people of colour?

It's the sort of incident that happens all the time in supermarkets.

Do you think it helps those people in any way to look for such treatment in a situation where skin colour has no relevance?

If my skin colour wasn't white then I would be attributing ten incidents a day to racism. The car servicing receptionist who ignored me, the self service supervisor who delayed sorting out my checkout alert, the car that didn't stop for me to cross the road, the snippy man I wrote about above, the woman who let the door shut in my face, the woman who failed to even acknowledge that I'd held a door open for her... These little slights happen to all of us all the time.

I'm not saying that they never happen to people of colour because of their skin colour, but I suspect the number of those is buried in the avalanche of incivility we all experience every day.

@HumberSquid

There is nothing in the OP's account of the incident that suggests there was a racial element to it. Not everything revolves around the colour of someone's skin.

You should have said in a cheery voice "excuse me please!" then if the toddler didn't understand, at least the mum would have.
Just standing there was a bit silly imo

Really? You've never heard of the concept of people being treated less favourably because of their skin colour?

I would guess OP is not white in a predominantly white society - waiting patiently rather than putting herself forward and living life with more than normal rude terseness from other people making her sensitive to such behaviour

Why didn’t you just say excuse me please. Also why bring race into the mix?

There are lots of people in this world who magnify minuscule day to day irritations which most of us would forget in two minutes into major grievances because its the only way to feel an iota of power in their lives or control over their own stories.

This woman sounds a classic example of this and your non interaction with her infant son was probably the biggest thing that had happened to her all week.

I can see why you thought racism.

I had similar in Savers. The staff had large trolleys of stock out to put on shelves so the aisle was narrow and only one person could pass at a time. I was picking up an item on the shelf and a woman pushed her trolley against me. She could have said excuse me and I would have moved. I didn’t say anything, just moved away.

In the next aisle, she blocked the aisle with her trolley, but I managed to squeeze by without touching her or her trolley. She turned to me and said ‘Now you know what it feels like when someone when someone doesn’t move for you.’ Again, I just ignored her.

As a person of colour you can’t win, OP. If you had said excuse me, she would still have told you that ‘he’s just a child’.

Some people are just grumpy. She's probably one of them. With people not looking what they're doing and kids pushing around trolleys they can't see over the top of at high speed, a toddler shouldn't be hanging around like that in a supermarket. It's an accident waiting to happen.

Who new people could performatively pretend to misunderstand a comment that is based on someone else's lived experiences?

I’d have simply smiled, said ‘excuse me’ loud enough for mum to hear and carried on shoppping!

@JillyComeLately
Why is it an odd post?
You don't live my life
So get real; what's "odd" to you
Is the total reality of some
And this is how all the talk and assumption about certain demographs of persons being "difficult" then arises
Thankyou, you're welcome.