AIBU to wonder whether to text a colleague whose wife is dying?

Do he tell you himself the reason why he is off work? If so, I think a message is fine. But if he hasn’t told you, and there hasn’t been an authorised message from the company, to which he gave permission, then say nothing.

What horrid people some of you are. I would send him a message just from you just to say you’re thinking of him.

I would text him.

For me, being compassionate and kind towards someone is part of what makes us human. I personally couldn't know this information and not say anything. I would rather 'overstep' than not say anything at all. It is just not in my nature.

How can it cause him any harm to know that everyone is thinking of him? It is just a text message.

I would go ahead and send a generic 'you are in our thoughts' message from you and the team, as others have suggested.

Do you have his number already? I wouldn't go out of your way to find it, but if you have had contact with him on text already, then I would send a short text telling him that you were very sorry to hear about his wife and that you all thinking of him, and then leave it at that.

Maybe some people just want to be left completely alone, but I think a lot of people also like to have human contact and know that there are people who are thinking of them in hard times. I would make it brief, not require any kind of answer from him, and send it.

I would ask your manager to reach out on behalf of the team to let them know you're all thinking of him.

I don’t understand the drama. I think a simple message saying you’re thinking of him is something he can take some small comfort in or ignore.

I so agree with this. 💗

Be kind. Send him a message saying that the whole team is thinking of them at this very difficult time.

I wouldn't text him. I think it would be intrusive especially as you are not in any way close.

It depends why and how you have his number.

Is it a work phone or personal? If personal why were the numbers shared? Have you ever messaged him before?

I have a couple of colleagues personal numbers and have messaged randomly, we're not particularly friends but happy to share numbers 1-2-1 and not from a group WhatsApp. I would 100% message those.

IMO using someone's number from a group WhatsApp feels intrusive and I wouldn't appreciate anyone singling me out.

My personal opinion is that small acts of kindness, given sparingly, are what makes us human and could bring him comfort.

I remember many years ago a colleague’s wife died of cancer (in her late 20s). At the time no one said anything because we all felt awkward/didn’t know if we were supposed to know etc.

A few weeks after she died I had a coffee with him as part of my appraisal and I told him I was sorry to hear about his wife’s death and he broke down and said no one else had said anything and he felt so isolated and overlooked.

What’s the worst that could happen? In the absolute worst case scenario he would think its a bit odd but you won’t have lost anything. Far better to show humanity and kindness in someone’s darkest times, even if slightly misjudged, than to totally ignore it.

At the very most you could have a word with the manager.

It’d be overstepping IMO since you don’t know him other than through work or like him much, and don’t know his wife.

His manager will be keeping in touch with him, so arranging any gestures from the team - or not, as the manager deems appropriate - is up to the manager.

I would send a text just to say you and the rest of your work team are thinking of him and his wife. This would be normal anywhere I’ve worked.

I would write a card from you and the team and check with hr if it can be sent. I think it is horrendous that nobody has reached out.