AIBU to ask a hobby group member to stop messaging so much?

You have done nothing wrong. Ask people saying it’s just Bob and you should put up with it why Bobs feelings count more than yours? Why it acceptable you feel as you do with Bobs contact and should accept it rather than calm it out, why Bob takes priority over you

bet they can’t answer

I’m guessing Bob latches onto any new woman joining the group who is passingly polite to him. He has presumably tried this with others so they may be relieved that he’s found a new victim.

You've done nothing wrong and well done for actually going to the hobby group.
I bet his wife has no idea how much interaction he is trying to have with other woman!

I barely use FB but would have blocked him and if its mentioned, I'd say I was hacked and limiting my future use- then obviously NEVER befriend him again. Never reply to the constant messages about your posts either.

Is there anyone at the group you get on with? I'd make it clear that he was harassing you and inform the co-ordinator too.

"Hobby group"
What in the name of fuck is the hobby?
Dogging?
Needlepoint?
Rimming?
Mutual wanking?
Running?
Cycling?
Golf?
Extreme bear baiting?

Obvious question...but does he do this to other members of the hobby group?

You've done nothing wrong @YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan. If you don't want to block him outright (I'd be very tempted) then at least set your FB to 'share posts with all friends except Bob'.

Change your FB settings so he can’t see your posts.

Keep going to your hobby. Stand your ground if anyone pesters you about it again. There’s some great advice from others.

And fuck “be kind”. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries.

I would have just blocked him early on tbh.

Why can't Bob be kind and leave her alone? Why can't the rest of the group be kind? Why can't you be kind?

@YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan I'm sure there's a setting on FB where you can have him as a friend but he can't see your posts or likes. Then mute his conversation until you are ready to skim through it (or not).

Is that you Bob? Stop being a pest mate.

Bob's a dickhead. You don't have to be kind to him.

You can set it up so when you post it doesn’t let him see it (certainly for your own posts)

You are not in the wrong. As someone else said the others at the hobby group are glad he is messaging you as it lessens the messages to them.

Change your Facebook settings so he cannot see anything you post to your family and friends. Turn off the notifications that bother you the most and just dip into the updates as and when you choose. Keep attending the hobby group if you enjoy it. Everyone will get over your boundary assertion - hopefully even Bob. Be polite to him but shut down anything you are not interested in eg if he asks you about the TV show say ‘sorry I don’t really watch tv. Did you see Susie’s hobby creation she put on Facebook?’ Keep all chat hobby related.

If you feel you can be honest with people about you joining the group partly for your mental health it might help the other empathise with you in the same way they they seem to empathise with Bob. But you don’t have to do that if don’t want to.

Fuck be kind to him what about him and the others being kind to you?

You haven't done anything wrong.
Despite what many seem to think, it's not actually a crime for a woman not to pander to random men to her own detriment.

“…it's kinder just to humour him.”

They mean it’s easier for the world if women indulge annoying men. No fuck that.

Rules of misogyny no. 2 “saying no to men is a hate crime”.

Bob is a misogynist and so are the people that had a go at you. You were brave Op. Stand by it and be proud of yourself.

“Being kind” is what allows the Bobs of this world (and worse) to trample over other people’s boundaries.

Be kind to people who deserve it. Being kind as a default setting against your own interests is self destructive.

In case it helps for any future situations, you could have blocked him on facebook and told him, if he asked, you were limiting your time on social media and it was not personal.

You can change your privacy settings in Facebook so that Bob doesn't see your posts, that might help reduce the intensity of contact

No one should be kind to any harasser or stalker. Why isn't Bob being kind?

Absolutely

No you haven't done anything wrong. Do they fully understand the intensity of his contact? I can't imagine they do because it's clearly not on.

Be kind

You can limit your Facebook posts as well so he doesn't see them when you post but it doesn't actively block him. You can make it so he still sees your posts in the relevant hobby group though.

It might be uncomfortable for a few weeks but everyone else in the group will forget about it very quickly and hopefully he will move on to his next target.

Ergh, I used to work with a man like this and being polite got the women he targeted nowhere. You had to be blunt and say you weren't going to respond to anything non work related and follow through on it. We used to warn new members of staff not to accept friend requests from him or give out personal numbers. Took years for the organisation to eventually get rid of him (not through a lack of them trying!) as on the face of things he was just a friendly pest rather than overtly causing anyone harm. Until he did.

You haven’t but unfortunately you are a new person in an established group. Seems like he does this to everyone who either don’t mind, ignore him or let it wash over them and aren’t bothered.

I had depression when DD died and everything felt too much and overwhelming. So whilst Bob is annoying and it would irritate me I’m aware that my reaction when depressed would be very different from now as I’m not depressed. That isn’t a criticism by the way. I could just ignore it all now. I’m sure it will calm down. When joining Amy new group be a big observer at first. Men though do not take any form of criticism or challenge well due to their ego size.

LOVE this.