AIBU to ask a hobby group member to stop messaging so much?

Shame this wasnt nipped in the bud earlier. Do the others in the hobby get the same level of attention as you do? I would think not if they are defending him and painting you as the baddie. I wouldnt just mute him i wiuld block him completely

From now on if he starts the messaging up completely ignore him.

Don’t stop going to the hobby because of this saddo.

It really will all blow over in time and be forgotten about.

Just block him. He’s not your responsibility and you feel harassed. As for the hobby group, I’d tell them he was causing you distress and he’s not the only person who’s feelings matter.

Exactly and now half the posts are about WI and pole dancing derailing the thread.

Leave the Facebook group / Facebook in general. It's a cancer.

Maybe not, but I for one want to know whether Bob is being a weirdo in a needlepoint class or being a normal in a dogging meet up

You haven't done anything wrong in expressing your needs. Even though you suffer inside, it probably doesn't show on the outside while Bob's issues do. Unfortunately many social circles don't take well to someone expressing their needs, especially if they can't obviously see someone's vulnerability.
Other people though probably wouldn't have felt obliged to communicate with him in the way you seem to have felt once he was messaging you. To "humour" him, maybe they just put a thumbs up or a smiley on his messages for instance.

It also sounds like you were very frank - you didn't just stop replying to his messages, you also explained yourself about not needing his updates, not being interested in what he sends. You didn't really need to go that far. Something in you seems to think you need to give a full and frank explanation rather than just stop reacting or reading what he sends?
On a practical level, you can limit Bob from seeing your posts on Facebook without defriending him if you think defriending will cause more issues for you. Go into Facebook help for explanation on doing this.

To yourself OP, you don't have to be kind to idiots who feel the right to trample over your feelings and needs.
As for the others who had a go at you, they are probably worried now he is free, he will latch onto one of them.

Why in the name of fuck does it matter?

Is it needed to make sense of the story? No.
Why are people so nosy?

Bob needs to be told that his level of communication isn't appropriate. Why is everyone else at the group tiptoeing around him 🙄

Aye nae bother Bob, just you be a pain in the arse and we'll all 'be kind'. Fuck that. Bob needs to be told!!!!

Well done OP for setting clear boundries.

Was it kind of you to send this message to a woman with depression who has only recently found a hobby that gets her out and about socially, who could potentially lose this hobby because a man with no boundaries is overstepping hers? was it kind to imply she should get back in her shell to keep a man- who has an established social life - from getting offended?

Are YOU kind?

In his mind he likely was lining you up as a replacement wife. You did the right thing.

To be honest i would find a new group as that one is causing you more stress than good.

Oh right it's kinder is it? They can be kind then. They are either relieved he's got someone new to bother or thankful it's not them. Either way it's not your job to be kind to someone harassing you. You've got enough on.

I wonder if Bob would be as kind should you need this level of support or interaction?

I've spent my life being kind and it's got me nowhere. When I really needed kindness people I supported for decades made things worse and then scattered.

Continue with your group and ignore or block him.

Women are not support animals for men.

Needs to be a bumper sticker

Because you are a woman you are expected to indulge him??
Why the hell should you?

Fuck that

This isn't about kindness. This is about boundaries and the absolute ridiculous entitlement some people feel they have to other people's time and attention, no matter how it affects this. And this feels bordering on stalking to the OP. She doesn't have any obligation to 'be kind' to someone who wouldn't take a hint and is not retaliating for her not putting up with it!

First line nails it.

Oh Lord yes pole dancing is not usually a retirement hobby.

Do not let this man take away your hobby OP. You did absolutely nothing wrong and the fact that your friends/ family who do not know him picked up on the over intensity of his interactions is evidence enough. Good for you for protecting your own mental health and putting in a boundary. Bob is not entitled to your time or headspace regardless of whether it is well meaning or not

OP - you are not Bob’s therapist!

You have your own issues to worry about. Stay strong and explain that you have been overwhelmed and cannot be expected to deal with this level of expectation. I normally eye-roll at making oneself the victim, but in this case I’d play that card - it might be the only thing these people understand.

Women are not support animals for men.

I bet the others are glad to have the heat off them... Do all the blocky things suggested above (I'm not techno myself), but also, you can rightly feel determined and assertive about this rather than on the back foot! Do not be apologetic to anyone!

And well done for getting out there! I know how difficult it can be when we're down - but also a good part of our recovery! 🤗

I'm sorry but your hobby attendees are batshit crazy. A grown adult male had basically stalked and harassed you.online.

You are NOT responsible for a grown adult's behaviour. What are those hobbyists smoking?!

I've come across many Bob's in my life and being a people pleaser I've attracted them as they think they won't get a pushback so I can completely relate.

Just be an arse to him, block him, just carry on what you're doing and if you're new friends think you're unreasonable then that's their problem!! You are absolutely in the right.

@Thepeopleversuswork I think I saw that documentary too!

Off topic, but years ago, not long after I'd moved to the UK, I saw a programme about the WI, also in Islington! They were all in their 20's and doing pole dancing, dynamic yoga classes and all manner of interesting things.

I went to a WI event in a different area and was rather disappointed that the demographics were vastly different to the Islington group as were the 'activities' which were very much more sedate. 😆

God forbid indeed hahahahahah I am howling at that.

Mutual wanking LOL.

Many years ago I remember seeing a documentary about women going to an evening class to learn how to masturbate (unsurprisingly it was in Islington if memory serves). Even less surprisingly loads of blokes turned up to watch through the glass panel at the top of the door.

Sorry OP huge digression and God Forbid Bob ever cottoned on to a class like that.