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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for declining my brother-in-law's BBQ after years of rudeness?

82 replies

AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 21:00

AIBU for telling my brother-in-law I don't want to attend his BBQ?

My brother-in-law has recently messaged the family WhatsApp with an announcement that he will be holding a BBQ next week, and he asked who would be coming. I responded with a clear "no."

He has been so incredibly rude to me and my children over the past few years. He told my eldest daughter - Tamara - that her boyfriend was "ugly," making her cry. He told my mum that her ex-husband was right to cheat on her! There's much more that I don't have time to say.

Anyway, some people on my husband's side of the family are claiming I should have put this aside and accepted the invitation anyway. Your thoughts?

OP posts:
MCF86 · 14/08/2026 22:21

AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 22:00

Yes, he's my DH's brother; DH also doesn't like him and backs me in this

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Nobody else's opinion matters then! Don't let them make you question yourself and waste an afternoon with someone neither of you wish to be around!

Original poster
AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 22:11

Rondayvu · 14/08/2026 22:04

Tamara is a lovely name but is her boyfriend ugly? Are you in aus by the way?

Forgot to mention that it is now "ex-boyfriend," so I think I am required to say that he is. They were dating at the time though.

OP posts:
IButtleSir · 14/08/2026 22:08

TammiesBackHurts · 14/08/2026 21:40

@NaurrrNo? Why would you say that? Do I really talk like a young person? I know I look like one, but what? Wow. I have no relation to Amanda at all. Do NOT assume things like that again. Thank you. 😒

Wow, what a response! 😂 It's because of your username; chill out!

Summersorcherisjustsummer · 14/08/2026 22:06

This is what all BBQ should just be banned it's ridudlus. .

Rondayvu · 14/08/2026 22:04

Tamara is a lovely name but is her boyfriend ugly? Are you in aus by the way?

Original poster
AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 22:00

MCF86 · 14/08/2026 21:51

I assumed a garden BBQ would still be ok, not that I own one (or have a garden). A proper BBQ on a patio isn't the same as a disposable on a dry field, I assumed it was the grass and lack of water if required that made them an issue.

Anyway, yanbu OP. It's a shame they aren't saying he shouldn't be a dick and expect people to want to be around him. Is he your DPs brother?

Yes, he's my DH's brother; DH also doesn't like him and backs me in this

OP posts:
Likeiloveyou · 14/08/2026 22:00

Just respond saying you don’t tell other adults where they should or shouldn’t go and they should probably follow your lead on that.

thedogisfine · 14/08/2026 21:59

TammiesBackHurts · 14/08/2026 21:40

@NaurrrNo? Why would you say that? Do I really talk like a young person? I know I look like one, but what? Wow. I have no relation to Amanda at all. Do NOT assume things like that again. Thank you. 😒

I think it’s because of your username and the op’s daughters name 😂😂

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 21:57

Imdunfer · 14/08/2026 21:40

I'm not sure what level of dickhead you would have to be to be antisocial enough to use one after getting a government alert and knowing they've been banned from sale.

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I don’t dispute that but it’s not disposable bbqs we’re talking about anyway

MCF86 · 14/08/2026 21:51

I assumed a garden BBQ would still be ok, not that I own one (or have a garden). A proper BBQ on a patio isn't the same as a disposable on a dry field, I assumed it was the grass and lack of water if required that made them an issue.

Anyway, yanbu OP. It's a shame they aren't saying he shouldn't be a dick and expect people to want to be around him. Is he your DPs brother?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 14/08/2026 21:50

Anyway, some people on my husband's side of the family are claiming I should have put this aside and accepted the invitation anyway. Your thoughts?

I'd ask them why they came to that conclusion and to explain to you why they think you should put it aside.

MsGreying · 14/08/2026 21:40

The alert said disposable BBQ.

Imdunfer · 14/08/2026 21:40

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 21:31

Oh ok so you can’t buy a new one. That’s not the same as banning their use

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I'm not sure what level of dickhead you would have to be to be antisocial enough to use one after getting a government alert and knowing they've been banned from sale.

TammiesBackHurts · 14/08/2026 21:40

@NaurrrNo? Why would you say that? Do I really talk like a young person? I know I look like one, but what? Wow. I have no relation to Amanda at all. Do NOT assume things like that again. Thank you. 😒

Naurrr · 14/08/2026 21:34

@TammiesBackHurts are you the daughter? 👀

TammiesBackHurts · 14/08/2026 21:31

If I were you, I’d host my own BBQ and invite him to it. Just to chuck him in with the sausages 💋

Naurrr · 14/08/2026 21:31

Is Tamaras boyfriend ugly?

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 21:31

Imdunfer · 14/08/2026 21:28

They were banned from sale today.

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Oh ok so you can’t buy a new one. That’s not the same as banning their use

Imdunfer · 14/08/2026 21:28

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 21:25

This. This is the second thread I’ve heard people where people seem think the government alert told them bbqs were banned. Disposable bbqs aren’t even banned the alert just said you shouldn’t use them.

as you say, it’s better not to have a bbq, but it’s not banned or even mentioned in the alert.

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They were banned from sale today.

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 21:25

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 14/08/2026 21:19

I think it’s just disposable barbecues that are banned. Normal ones are obviously very silly in this weather but not yet banned as far as I know.

This. This is the second thread I’ve heard people where people seem think the government alert told them bbqs were banned. Disposable bbqs aren’t even banned the alert just said you shouldn’t use them.

as you say, it’s better not to have a bbq, but it’s not banned or even mentioned in the alert.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 14/08/2026 21:22

I can’t resist a barbecue. I fucking love barbecues.

I’d go and just ignore him.

If you’re not that bothered then don’t go. In reality you can get a nice enough burger at Wetherspoons.

Itsnotgirlinterrupted · 14/08/2026 21:21

Get your ducks in a row OP, this BBQ sounds hard work.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 14/08/2026 21:19

I think it’s just disposable barbecues that are banned. Normal ones are obviously very silly in this weather but not yet banned as far as I know.

ClaredeBear · 14/08/2026 21:17

AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 21:09

I love that so much! Just quoted "it's an invitation, not a summons" in the family WhatsApp ❤️

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What about, ‘“no”, is a complete sentence”?

weaselwords · 14/08/2026 21:14

PuppyMonkey · 14/08/2026 21:04

Tamara is a lovely name.

That was my take too 🤣