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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for declining my brother-in-law's BBQ after years of rudeness?

82 replies

AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 21:00

AIBU for telling my brother-in-law I don't want to attend his BBQ?

My brother-in-law has recently messaged the family WhatsApp with an announcement that he will be holding a BBQ next week, and he asked who would be coming. I responded with a clear "no."

He has been so incredibly rude to me and my children over the past few years. He told my eldest daughter - Tamara - that her boyfriend was "ugly," making her cry. He told my mum that her ex-husband was right to cheat on her! There's much more that I don't have time to say.

Anyway, some people on my husband's side of the family are claiming I should have put this aside and accepted the invitation anyway. Your thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
AmandaEatsLemons · 15/08/2026 09:04

lottiegarbanzo · 15/08/2026 08:48

Poor judgement to post your dd’s real name - if that’s what you’ve done - though. Reads as trying to make your post identifiable.

It's not her actual name; I use codenames.

OP posts:
weebarra · 15/08/2026 08:50

No alert here in Scotland. We’re planning a bbq next week, although it’s predicted to rain all week with highs of 17.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/08/2026 08:48

Poor judgement to post your dd’s real name - if that’s what you’ve done - though. Reads as trying to make your post identifiable.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/08/2026 08:46

Why would you engage in further conversation? He’s invited, you’ve declined (politely one hopes). The end.

hoptart · 15/08/2026 08:04

Passwordsaremynemesis · 15/08/2026 02:39

Why? I’m in Oz and we have bbqs in hot weather all the time. We even have free gas bbqs in the park, it’s perfectly safe. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a disposable bbq here though, I can see that they wouldn’t be safe in dry conditions.

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Exactly this. Why do people here have to overreact when it comes to everything to do with the weather. Obviously disposable BBQs are a bad idea in these conditions (tbh probably a bad idea regardless of the weather) but garden BBQs are perfectly fine. I’ll be having one today!

pilates · 15/08/2026 08:00

You’ve responded and don’t need to add anything further.

Scrabsqueak · 15/08/2026 07:54

OP could be in Scotland? We didn’t have alert.

Backedoffhackedoff · 15/08/2026 07:28

Passwordsaremynemesis · 15/08/2026 02:39

Why? I’m in Oz and we have bbqs in hot weather all the time. We even have free gas bbqs in the park, it’s perfectly safe. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a disposable bbq here though, I can see that they wouldn’t be safe in dry conditions.

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Because it makes sense in that posters head, with her vast experience of British wildfires 🤣

thedogisfine · 15/08/2026 07:17

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/08/2026 02:16

ANYONE lighting any kind of fire/BBQ in this weather, alert or not, is a very stupid kind of person

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You do know other places exist in the uk than England and wales, where the alerts were?

Millytante · 15/08/2026 05:21

TammiesBackHurts · 14/08/2026 21:40

@NaurrrNo? Why would you say that? Do I really talk like a young person? I know I look like one, but what? Wow. I have no relation to Amanda at all. Do NOT assume things like that again. Thank you. 😒

Jaysus, that’s a bit extreme!

Francestein · 15/08/2026 03:53

You’re much nicer than me… I would write something like “I’d rather chew off my own leg.”

Joyunlimited · 15/08/2026 03:50

PuppyMonkey · 14/08/2026 21:04

Tamara is a lovely name.

But why did we need to know it?

Passwordsaremynemesis · 15/08/2026 02:39

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/08/2026 02:16

ANYONE lighting any kind of fire/BBQ in this weather, alert or not, is a very stupid kind of person

Show quote history

Why? I’m in Oz and we have bbqs in hot weather all the time. We even have free gas bbqs in the park, it’s perfectly safe. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a disposable bbq here though, I can see that they wouldn’t be safe in dry conditions.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/08/2026 02:16

PeachMelbaYoghurt · 14/08/2026 23:47

You do realise that many people didn't receive the gov alert and have no idea they are banned from sale, right?

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ANYONE lighting any kind of fire/BBQ in this weather, alert or not, is a very stupid kind of person

Sensiblesal · 15/08/2026 00:16

Is the no just for you? Is your DH & any children you have going?

Life is too short to hold grudges for minor things

edit. Seen hubby doesn’t like him either never mind

PeachMelbaYoghurt · 14/08/2026 23:47

Imdunfer · 14/08/2026 21:40

I'm not sure what level of dickhead you would have to be to be antisocial enough to use one after getting a government alert and knowing they've been banned from sale.

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You do realise that many people didn't receive the gov alert and have no idea they are banned from sale, right?

Happyjoe · 14/08/2026 23:11

If more people he's bloody horrible to didn't go to his BBQ's, perhaps he'd learn that he is a twat because hardly anyone would be there?
No, of course don't go if you don't want to. Valuable weekend hours can be spent doing something better.

Wisher88 · 14/08/2026 23:10

AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 21:00

AIBU for telling my brother-in-law I don't want to attend his BBQ?

My brother-in-law has recently messaged the family WhatsApp with an announcement that he will be holding a BBQ next week, and he asked who would be coming. I responded with a clear "no."

He has been so incredibly rude to me and my children over the past few years. He told my eldest daughter - Tamara - that her boyfriend was "ugly," making her cry. He told my mum that her ex-husband was right to cheat on her! There's much more that I don't have time to say.

Anyway, some people on my husband's side of the family are claiming I should have put this aside and accepted the invitation anyway. Your thoughts?

Is this rage bait? Nobody should be having BBQs. If this is real I would report him for it because he's an arsehole

HardyFox · 14/08/2026 22:53

You've received an invitation, youve responded and declined. End of.

Terfedout · 14/08/2026 22:52

Summersorcherisjustsummer · 14/08/2026 22:06

This is what all BBQ should just be banned it's ridudlus. .

Why should all bbqs be banned? Also ridudlus is a new word for me, what does it mean?

NotMeAtAll · 14/08/2026 22:42

Can someone please explain why they think they OP is unreasonable?

Butchyrestingface · 14/08/2026 22:39

PuppyMonkey · 14/08/2026 21:04

Tamara is a lovely name.

You don't see it much in the wild these days.

ClairDeLaLune · 14/08/2026 22:34

IButtleSir · 14/08/2026 22:08

Wow, what a response! 😂 It's because of your username; chill out!

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I think Tammie was joking… You chill out yourself!

OP - YANBU. Life is too short to hang out with people you don’t want to hang out with.

Original poster
AmandaEatsLemons · 14/08/2026 22:23

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2026 22:21

Tamara is a lovely name. Well done. I’m glad she’s ditched the uggo.

Why are you in a WhatsApp group with the rude BIL?

I don't think I have an answer to that question 🤔

Maybe I'll leave the group!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2026 22:21

Tamara is a lovely name. Well done. I’m glad she’s ditched the uggo.

Why are you in a WhatsApp group with the rude BIL?