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My husband became my boss professionally, and I don't know how to feel about it

72 replies

pohju · 14/08/2026 15:59

My husband and I both work professionally, but in completely different fields. Recently, our companies started collaborating on a major project, and yesterday I found out that my husband is actually leading it.

It's a big project, and financially it's going to be very good for our family. I'm genuinely happy about that, and I'm proud of him. But at the same time, it means that for the next 4–5 months, I'm going to be working under him.

Our roles are also very different. I'll be working longer hours and handling a lot of the day to day work, while he'll mainly be involved in decision l l making, important meetings and meetings with clients. So even though we'll technically be working on the same project, he'll have authority over the work I'm doing.

And honestly, I'm finding that a little difficult to process.

I know my husband. I know he's not going to intentionally disrespect me or treat me badly. But I also know that when he's in a professional role, he can be very direct and demanding. There will probably be times when he has to tell me to change something, redo something, work longer, or do something differently.

Hearing those things from my husband is probably going to affect me differently than hearing them from another manager.

I love him very much and I have no problem with his success. This isn't about being threatened by him or thinking he shouldn't be my boss. It's more about the strange feeling of having the person I come home to every night suddenly having professional authority over me.

I think there's a small part of my ego that feels uncomfortable with it, even though I know that's probably something I need to separate from the actual situation.

OP posts:
NC9000 · 14/08/2026 16:53

small part of my ego that feels uncomfortable with it, even though I know that's probably something I need to separate from the actual situation

I think you've found your solution?

Arlanymor · 14/08/2026 16:53

This wouldn't be permitted where I work - we nearly had the same situation happen about two years ago and my boss was concerned about how to deal with it - luckily the spouse who applied had nowhere near the experience needed so didn't make the initial sift, let alone the shortlist so it took care of itself. But it wouldn't have been allowed if the spouse was a serious contender.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 14/08/2026 16:59

Surely this needs to be flagged as a potential conflict of interest and an ethical wall established?

Middletoleft · 14/08/2026 17:04

YANBU to feel "odd" about it. It happened to me in similar circumstances. Most members of both teams were aware of our relationship so DH was careful not to show any favouritism or treat me any differently from anyone else. I'd have hated to get anything wrong and kept as low a profile as I could.

PestoPastaLife · 14/08/2026 17:12

Ask to be moved to a different project. Perfectly reasonable to want to keep work and marriage separate - I’m surprised your companies haven’t suggested this already unless they don't know?

wifty · 14/08/2026 17:15

this kinda sounds like AI wrote it - now i can see others agree!

MxCactus · 14/08/2026 17:21

Your husband shouldn't be line managing you, that's a conflict of interest. One or both of you need to declare it to your employers. They'll probably move one of you off the project

whatsit84 · 14/08/2026 17:26

I don’t think my company would be ok with this, and I can understand completely why you aren’t!

rightoguvnor · 14/08/2026 17:29

DH and I have been pitted to work together several times over the years. After the first time we both agreed it could never happen again. We just cannot work together beyond ‘blue sky thinking’ about what we’d like the end result to be. Once we get into the nitty gritty we’re each other’s worst nightmare. Luckily we’ve always fully disclosed this at the outset and one or the other has bowed out. It’s accepted that he is the creative, organic person and I am ‘systems, processes, where are the systems?!?’.

Its the same at home when it comes to decorating or DIY.

Viperregency · 14/08/2026 17:33

I’m also surprised they are allowing this and are not moving you, as the more junior person.

SummerDive · 14/08/2026 17:53

PoisonCrystal · 14/08/2026 16:36

I suspect so - there's even an em—dash.

It’s pretty normal to used emm dashes… I do all the time

amusedbush · 14/08/2026 18:11

PoisonCrystal · 14/08/2026 16:36

I suspect so - there's even an em—dash.

I have used em dashes for as long as I can remember and it pisses me off no end that people now view them as concrete evidence of AI 😫

GodDamnitDonut · 14/08/2026 18:16

I couldn’t take my husband seriously if he tried telling me what to do, no way. I would tolerate the set up for his career sake for a few months but I’d tell him if he tried bossing me around I’d laugh in his face. So yes I could work for him for a bit but I would still do what I want and ignore his „direction”.

Beachtastic · 14/08/2026 18:16

If he's a good man and treats you with respect... try to relax?

Otherwise you'll turn into one of those blokes who hates his wife earning more!

Work is work and home is not a power game.

Annalouisa · 14/08/2026 20:10

It seems so unlikely that you work in completely different fields, in very different roles, at different companies, yet somehow you end up working closely together on the same project. This is what makes me wonder how smart AI really is. Couldn't it come up with a more plausible scenario?

Lamelie · 14/08/2026 20:14

I adore my husband but one of us would end up under the patio within the day.

Pherian · 14/08/2026 22:00

pohju · 14/08/2026 15:59

My husband and I both work professionally, but in completely different fields. Recently, our companies started collaborating on a major project, and yesterday I found out that my husband is actually leading it.

It's a big project, and financially it's going to be very good for our family. I'm genuinely happy about that, and I'm proud of him. But at the same time, it means that for the next 4–5 months, I'm going to be working under him.

Our roles are also very different. I'll be working longer hours and handling a lot of the day to day work, while he'll mainly be involved in decision l l making, important meetings and meetings with clients. So even though we'll technically be working on the same project, he'll have authority over the work I'm doing.

And honestly, I'm finding that a little difficult to process.

I know my husband. I know he's not going to intentionally disrespect me or treat me badly. But I also know that when he's in a professional role, he can be very direct and demanding. There will probably be times when he has to tell me to change something, redo something, work longer, or do something differently.

Hearing those things from my husband is probably going to affect me differently than hearing them from another manager.

I love him very much and I have no problem with his success. This isn't about being threatened by him or thinking he shouldn't be my boss. It's more about the strange feeling of having the person I come home to every night suddenly having professional authority over me.

I think there's a small part of my ego that feels uncomfortable with it, even though I know that's probably something I need to separate from the actual situation.

I would think this needs to be flagged with your employer as a possible conflict of interest.

Maisey1991 · 14/08/2026 22:55

We’re do you work is this not classed as a conflict of interest? Shouldn’t one of you be pulled off the project?

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/08/2026 00:45

Clearly you both need to declare this so it’s no secret, and you need to tell your husband how you’re feeling. Because he will be working hard on this and he is your husband - if he says to you something needs redoing or something extra needs doing today, he is the only other adult in your family life and he knows that so tell him you will assume he has already factored in how he can support at home when he makes those requests- if he asks you to stay later, he is picking the dc up/doing dinner( without you asking. If he requires more work later tonight, he will do the homework support, evening house reset. And if he can’t do that then when he asks for the extra he needs to say I can’t do the homework support tonight, I’ll check with my mum if she can help, or he has to say we do need this but I appreciate I can’t be home tonight so it will have to wait. It’s not ok for the relationship if he demands more of you at work without taking responsibility for the impact that has at home, and recognising that you are a human he cares for.
if he’s good at his job and a good husband that’s easily done.

Neverstopwondering · 15/08/2026 00:53

hotmumshit · 14/08/2026 16:28

Put on something sexy and seduce him at the office xxx

I was going to say something similar.

Frankly the only reason I would find working for my husband enjoyable is if we turned it into something a little kinky secretly. Otherwise quite frankly no no no not taking that seriously.

Ponderingwindow · 15/08/2026 01:23

This would be a non-issue in my workplace because even though teams have an official lead, they are collaborative. Workflows and tasking go in all directions.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 15/08/2026 03:04

I was my DHs manager when we met and he pretty swiftly got promoted to shift leader after we got together because I think being bossed around by me at work and at home was too much 😭.

I now occasionally do some work for him, but not that often. I think in a big company surly you’ll have to raise it as a conflict of interest? If it’s a big team surely you can kind of just avoid him? It’s only temporary, so it should be doable surly? Hay, if worst comes to worst and he’s a dick of a boss, you can just give him a big old list of chores to do at home to remind him who’s really in charge!

Francestein · 15/08/2026 03:57

Can he leave this shit at work and behave normally at home?
Can you?
Are you comfortable setting boundaries with him before you start working together?
Has your relationship been professionally disclosed to both companies? There could be perceived conflict of interest. The companies might want one of you shuffled for this one.

Zanatdy · 15/08/2026 04:36

It wouldn’t be allowed in my work. Have you disclosed this?

JulietteHasAGun · 15/08/2026 06:27

Only an em dash in 4-5 months isn’t there? Which is perfectly normal and I think most people would put one in there.

also a typo in paragraph 3 which AI wouldn’t do

🤷‍♀️

OP, I would feel weird about this and I’d ask to be moved to a different project.