Ds accused of a hate crime

They don’t care about homophobia when they are forcing their gay son to date women but suddenly it’s a big issue when someone else’s son shouts rude words.
It would be absolutely absurd to get a criminal record over this, make sure your son denies it op with no proof they cannot do anything

Just find out what happened first. The other family may well be angry with your family. Does this sound like DS2?

Hopefully, a talking to by the police will stop him behaving like that in the future.

Not true if they believe a person who needs arresting is inside, they don’t need a warrant.
If he is interviewed get legal advice (it’s free, he will be offered a solicitor whether is voluntary interview or arrest) , don’t try and write your own prepared statement. The police will ask questions about what happened and the account given. Your son had the opportunity to say the truth, lie, or go no comment to questions. If you lie in a prepared statement it is taken as lying in interview, hence why only do a prepared statement if you have a solicitor to help.

It’s shitty behaviour by your youngest, there’s not much you can do about it now other than talk to him and try and understand why he did that and try and get him to understand that this behaviour is not acceptable.

Any proof any recording. If not it won't go anywhere legally .

He also threw a drink over him, so it’s not just about words.

Is she? She can’t even get him on the phone to come home 🤦🏻‍♀️

there’s no need to get stressed. Tell ds to deny everything, they have no proof.

Yes it’s not great to shout rude things but getting a criminal record over it would be silly. DENY DENY DENY.

I mean come on they don’t allow their own son to be gay but will call the police over a “hate crime” because someone else’s son shouted homophobic slurs. Fucking vindictive

The 14 yr old is angry and upset about how his brother’s been treated by his best friend and ex boyfriend. He’s dealt with that by saying the meanest words he knows.

When we tell children that certain insults are really powerful and must never be used, those are the ones they’ll reach for when they are very upset/angry.

I really despair of our inability to distinguish between words, thoughts and actions. The other parent actually is homophobic, but that’s not relevant apparently.

Ever heard of punctuation?

But surely he did have racist and homophobic motivation?

Didn't the mum say he hasn't done it-it's just been claimed he has?

I will re-read it, but that's the sense I got from it.

Obviously it is awful if anyone has said anything hateful, but people do make accusations that aren't true, thinking it'll be taken seriously even if it's a complete lie.

so comment on that rather than tell the OP she's raised a vile human being. The inference is that it is her parenting that has caused this. Assumptive, judgemental, lazy viewpoint.

Give her a break she's trying to deal with it.

Ok are you being deliberately obtuse, she clearly means when he comes home.

No phone and not allowed out. But you also need to explain why this is so unacceptable, and also the consequences of a criminal record. Can you get his dad or other respected family member to talk to him as well. He is 14 so still learning.

There's no really no reason for the 'you have raised' bit The OP is clearly upset and shocked about what has happened and clearly doesn't agree with the Son's comment. Some posters on here only come alive when they've got an opportunity to say something nasty.

When your sn's home I would tell him thw mother is considering going to the PL POLICE and And that you don't blame her, he may be interviewed and charged with a hate crime and I would go through with him what were potential consequences if this are short term and long term. I'd have a separate conversation about his attitude and why he's done this.

edited to add I think there needs to be punishment but also education He should already know better than this. Removing things is one hi idea gaming rights etc but I think it's something that needs to have a long lasting effect.
Personally if it was me I think I get in contact with the local mosque and ask Somebody if they will speak to him and explain the impact this abuse has.

This.

His poor older brother, living with someone who feels like that.

No it's not. What's revolting is what OP's 14yo said and did.

The thing that freaks you out is her mentioning a hate crime rather than hearing what your son did?

Personally I'd let them in to try to defuse the situation. Coming on all legal at this stage could be the worst thing. Its a 14 year old so the police might want to just get him to apologise especially if the other family don't want to take it further.

Your 14 is an absolute knob...he clearly lives in a multi cultural area and his brother is gay...so thats his neighbours and his brother he will have really upset.

That story was a rollercoaster

Well as he is only 14, the police really wont do much

You have some problems

Your son is gay - great that he has come out to you. What does he want to do now? Will he come out as a whole and be who he is?

Is your son a homophobe? Does he hate his big brother now? Has he always hated him? Or is he angry at the way the boy has treated his brother? Is he standing up for him?

Did he shout racial slurs? You need to be clear on that.

This Muslim boy needs to be prevented from dating girls imo, not everyone will agree. For some Muslim girls, they take virginity and relationships seriously. A boy should not use them as a beard. Nasty in itself.
Not your responsibility but just irked me.

You don't sound horrified and shocked. Which makes me wonder if this is normal for your son.

That's definitely a hate crime, possibly two from your 14 year old. I agree with the police having a word, hopefully he can change his ways.