Ds accused of a hate crime

Ok so it’s fine to not let your kid be gay and force him to be with a woman if you’re a Muslim. But a non Muslim kid shouting slurs needs a criminal record.
Makes perfect sense

A 14 year old spouting homophobic and racist slurs, old enough to know better I think that's pretty vile.

No one seems 100% of who said what.

Police are very unlikely criminalise a 14 year old. My ds is a policeman. They don't even criminalise for getting caught with a knife.

This is really awful behaviour from your younger son if the message is accurate. We are in a multicultural country with lots of complexities all trying to get on together and at 14 living in a diverse community, probably attending a diverse school, he should have some understanding of this. My children do and they are much younger. If I understand it rightly from your post, DS2 was with a group of friends and there was a drink thrown and some homophonic/racist comments said to a group of other teenagers, one of whom is a Muslim and was involved in a same sex relationship with DS1? This is serious, is a hate crime and needs you to take action, not to mention "outing" the boy to his community when he didn't want this. Police involvement or not, you should try to make this right with the other family and give your younger son a valuable insight into how his words and actions have hurt this family, the former BF and his own brother, who loves this person as a friend as well as romantically. But, you need to take this a lot more seriously than you seem to be and get to the bottom of this. You say you have texted him to come home, phone him. Keep phoning and texting him until he answers. You are his Mother, he needs to view you as an authority figure.

He has potentially put the other boy at huge huge risk

The parents are not homophonic. They are Muslim. They were born into a belief it is forbidden. Fuck, some of you really have no idea about the world. Just because they live in the UK, are you really naive enough to think its that simple? They would probably have some fairly strong feelings if he was dating your daughter. Kaffir and gay relationships are rarely welcomed.

It’s virtue signaling to sit on here saying someone else’s 14 year old son needs to admit to this and have a black mark against his name over it.

When I know most of you would be hiring the best lawyer in town if your own kid was accused of something far worse.

OP, I’m sorry this has happened. It may be that your 14 yr old doesn’t know how to process overhearing his older brother telling you that he is gay. Boys of that age, from all backgrounds, are always using homophobic slurs - even to their close friends.
I agree with a previous poster that it is not worth getting a criminal record over. Hopefully she won’t call the police on a 14 yr old but if she does I would ask them to have a stern word with him.
Wishing you luck. And I hope both your boys are ok.

Even if the difference in opinion that caused the conflict is due to religious beliefs, it doesn't necessarily follow that anyone was racist.

It isn't racist to disagree with Islam on the grounds that it doesn't accept homosexuality.

OP, has your son ever shown hate in this way before?

I think when he comes home be ready to listen and find out calmly what's happened.

This is serious and being forced to apologise when you don't mean it is useless. Please educate him and expose him to the stories of the hardship of those who are gay and/or Muslim and try to get him to really understand so that he develops some empathy so that he understands why it's awful.

Hopefully police don't get involved in a formal way but I might be tempted to ask if the police station would show him a cell of where he'd spend the night if he is arrested for a hate crime.

If it turns out he's actually homophobic, as opposed to just saying hurtful things, then see if you can him volunteering on a Saturday to help members of his community/or rh LGBT community. And even if it is "just" being nasty, a bit of helping others might also fit the crime. No point marching him over to apologise and taking away toys, that won't teach him anything.

I think my focus would be less on whether or not he'll be arrested and more on trying to teach him right from wrong. Id also speak to his school and see if there is hateful language being used by him or others. Be curious where it's come from.

As for your eldest - I'm sorry he's heartbroken but I'd be very proud of him. He sounds incredibly mature for his age, especially in thinking of how girls should be treated. And hopefully he finds someone who makes him happy.

Why are you defending the nasty little racist homophobe?

Well yeah but it’s not the same is it. He’s accepted your son (in your own words) whereas these parents haven’t and have forced their son to not date a boy.

Ergo it’s obviously pure vindication calling the police over “homophobic slurs” they don’t give as shit about homophobia they just want to be vindictive

so It’s virtue signalling to commit a crime and then take the punishment for that crime? Ok

Why? My son had to deal with homophobic bullying all through school.

My Dad is homophobic. He'll admit that himself. He doesn't "understand" it and thinks its wrong.
My son is gay. My Dad knows this and loves and accepts him anyway.

Despite the fact hes homophobic, if my dad were to hear of or see a homophobic attack on DS he would defend him with every bone in his body. He wouldn't think twice about physically fighting someone. Because ultimately family matters.

FWIW my dad is slowly changing his opinions. I think having a gay Grandson is showing him that gay people are the same as everyone else. Its a slow process, but he's even agreed to meet DS' BF which is huge!

Don't let the police stitch your kid up. It will stay on file and follow him forever.

Do you think theres value in finding the DS2 version of these allegations before deciding ? Or is he guilty because of the allegation ?

“Racist narrative” implies the racism didn’t happen. Why do you think it didn’t?

I was not referring to being anti racist/homophobic as virtue signalling.

I was referring to the whole “he needs to admit it to the police and take the black mark against his name as a consequence”.

The very same people will hire the best lawyer in town if their own darling son is accused of something far worse like assault by beating.

In fact it’s cringe to read these comments knowing that.

Again, not a clue what you’re on about. ‘Darling Timmy’ and virtue signaling’?? Is that what you usually resort to when challenged about homophobia and racism?

This makes no sense

I assume DS2 was in his own way standing up for his brother, the boy was in some sort of fledgling relationship with DS1 and dumped him because his parents only want him to marry a girl. He was rubbing it in that the boy was gay and just pretending to be straight because of his parents. A good talking to when he gets home, I assume he hasn't abused his brother for being gay? If the police get involved you will have to explain the situation it's not just straightforward hate speech, but a lecture from the police would do no harm.

It isn’t virtue signalling to be anti racist and anti homophobic- it’s basic human decency and not being a cunt.
You’re minimising and trivialising what was said and done by calling it words and a drink. And I think we all know why you’re doing that

I’ve been perfectly clear.
People on here have no problem virtue signaling over this saying he needs to admit it all and take the black mark on his name as a consequence of his actions.

But if their own darling Timmy had done something far worse like beating up another kid or his girlfriend they make damn sure to pull every trick in the book so he doesn't get a criminal record.

I’ve personally come across more than a few people like this in my time

Ffs its kids saying shit. Hate crime my arse. Some of you are so desperate to show how tolerant you are, you spew hate onto a 14 year old. The mum threatening hate crime undermines the term completely.