Ds accused of a hate crime

Sorry - the anger issues were with the 14 year old.

OP has done a lot of posts and it is clear she was struggling to parent the children she had when she had the fifth. She admitted to ignoring all communications from the older kids schools to the point she didn’t know that the eldest had to apply to college. That’s not judgment, just a fact. she has done many posts which come down to not having any bandwidth to parent and then leaving the posts because of the inevitably questions about why she has so many children and not having any space for them which has led to arguments between the older two. They are in a 3 bed flat with 5 children and occasionally I guess the latest boyfriend who is the father of the baby.

children don’t just need love… they need attention, guidance and boundaries. It’s clear her 14 year old has not respect for her

How ridiculous. If his brother had been dumped by a girl would it have been acceptable to cycle over, shout misogynistic insults at her and throw a drink at her?

I wasn’t attacking the OP in any way. And just because selling crack is ‘more wrong’ doesn’t make this ok. That’s like saying someone shouldn’t get into trouble for stealing a motorbike because they didn’t steal a car.

So unless the child is selling crack - parents should just let them crack on and be abusive, get in huge amounts of trouble at school and throw things at members of the public?

No he didn’t, he potentially used racial and homophobic slurs (absolutely nothing to condone that because it is completely disgusting that he did) however the event itself wasn’t homophobic or racially motivated, it was motivated by his older brother being dumped and hurt.

That doesn’t change that what he has done is completely disgusting, but the motivation wasn’t what is claimed and it is not a hate crime.

I already said in my other post, you’ve combed the ops old posts and tried blaming her son’s behaviour on the size of her house and the fact she had more than 2.4 children. I knew a woman who was just as up her own ass about her perfect son and parenting but at 14 he was a thug and later on imprisoned for selling crack and heron.

Which is arguably worse than what we’re discussing here anyway

Why have you brought crack into this? It’s not the worst thing but it’s a bad thing and in light of the repeated bad behaviour outlined in this post it’s probably a really bad thing and any parent would be concerned… the OP is clearly concerned otherwise she wouldn’t have posted

I’m not saying his behaviour is ok but do you really think shouting mean words is worse than selling crack and heroin or hospitalising other kids? Are you really going to act like this is the worst possible thing a teenager can do

No. We do not all know kids that have done far worse than that. Far worse than homophobic assault and bullying? Are you serious? It’s just ‘kids being kids’ to you? No wonder the country is such a cess pit if this is what parents are teaching their kids is acceptable.

I would be horrified if my child behaved like that. I’d be horrified they had such views and would feel like a massive failure as a parent. I would most certainly NOT be ‘hiring the best lawyer in town’! I’d be coming down like a ton of bricks.

Whatever the other family’s beliefs does not
excuse the behaviour of this boy. It is possible that two things can both be wrong at the same time, you know.

We don’t need any more nasty, racist, homophobic bullies. We’ve quite enough of them already. He’s 14, get him grounded for a month and if the police get involved then maybe he’ll learn a lesson.

Who said banning the son from having a boyfriend was ok? No one has! But this isn’t about them - they aren’t going to read this. It’s not about him or them.

but shouting homophobic abuse at someone is a hate crime. The other boy is not his parents. Of course he is going to feel pressure to comply and you don’t know why that may be - he might risk getting disowned so he is in a really tough position. So I don’t see why there was a need to shout homophobic abuse at him - if that is what happened.

Forgive me for being jaded I know people like to say all this when it’s someone else’s kid but when their own son actually physically assaults his girlfriend or another kid they hire the best lawyer in town.

At the end of the day he said some things to someone who dumped his brother and poured a drink (let’s be honest I say this as the kid who was always good to the point it was pathetic but when we were kids we all knew loads of kids that did far far worse than that) allowing your child to get a black mark against their name over something that cannot be proved if you just deny it would be pretty bad.

And I don’t think the majority of people encouraging it on here would do the same with their own kid.

The parents calling the police over “homophobic slurs” is ridiculous considering they are forcing their son to date women.

Ok well it reads like trying to guilt trip her over having more than 2.4 children and not living in a mansion. As if that’s the reason her son is misbehaving.

My parents did everything right 2 kids, nice home, home cooked dinner on the table every evening I still disappointed them by making them grandparents when I was 16. I knew a woman who was really up her ass about her perfect son but when he was 14 (same age as ops son) he was selling crack and heroin.

So don’t think because you’ve done everything “perfect” you are better than anyone else. And on the face of things what he’s done really isn’t that bad. I mean come on shouting insults is a homophobic hate crime but the parents banning their son from having a boyfriend is fine? I’m not saying it’s ok what he is done obviously it’s not but he’s not selling crack like mrs perfects son so bringing up her old posts is uncalled for

I would advise anyone to have the number of children they can afford, both monetarily and being able to support emotional needs and keep on top of discipline and their education without relying on the state and that they can continue to support if circumstances were to change. I don’t think it matters what religion you are. The OP has described various instances of bad behaviour in this post. Her son had an extremely high number of behaviour points at school, was reported to the school by a member of the public, he admitted to throwing the drink, talked back to her, left the flat when she was still trying to talk to him… this doesn’t sound like a one off and should be diminished just because the other family are homophobic. Their issue with there son dating a boy is a whole another kettle of fish!

I’ve known plenty of families with five children in a three bedroom home. This was the norm until very recently. In the same way a 14 year old shouting insults seems to be a bigger issue than the parents forcing their gay son to date women. Would you tell a Muslim family they shouldn’t have had so many children? Seeing as they’re more likely to have big families

I havnt scoured. OP was a prolific poster but has changed names so it’s impossible to scour. But she has come here many times and that is her decision to do that.

of course I know how much a 4 bedroom house costs! That’s why I don’t have 5 children and why I have taken steps to ensure I don’t have 5 children. If you are a single parent it would be very hard to keep on top of the discipline, educational needs, emotional needs, physical things of 5 children so I think it is entirely relevant to suggest she reaches out and gets further support from social services or any other places you can access support from.

there’s no need to get stressed. Tell ds to deny everything, they have no proof.

Yes it’s not great to shout rude things but getting a criminal record over it would be silly. DENY DENY DENY.

I mean come on they don’t allow their own son to be gay but will call the police over a “hate crime” because someone else’s son shouted homophobic slurs. Fucking vindictive

college was over a year ago and under a different name its not relevant to this post i did it in the end

its also against talk guidelines to bring up things from previous names.

Are you aware of how much a home with 4 bedrooms costs?
Applying for college means being 16 years old, not 6, many parents leave decisions like that to their children.

Scouring someone’s old posts in order to find a way to stick the knife in isn’t a good look

Sorry - the anger issues were with the 14 year old.

OP has done a lot of posts and it is clear she was struggling to parent the children she had when she had the fifth. She admitted to ignoring all communications from the older kids schools to the point she didn’t know that the eldest had to apply to college. That’s not judgment, just a fact. she has done many posts which come down to not having any bandwidth to parent and then leaving the posts because of the inevitably questions about why she has so many children and not having any space for them which has led to arguments between the older two. They are in a 3 bed flat with 5 children and occasionally I guess the latest boyfriend who is the father of the baby.

children don’t just need love… they need attention, guidance and boundaries. It’s clear her 14 year old has not respect for her

A) Not all pregnancies are planned
B) She didn't know her son was gay, which was the root cause of all this when she was pregnant.
C) We're not in the dark ages, so it's not up to anyone else to query why a child has or does not have children.