Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

For those posters talking about blood/biological grandchildren, how would you treat adopted children?

She may also spend it all on care!

It’s also not fair that they should get less on one side if they are also going to inherit from the other though, and people always use that as a reason to deny step relatives on MN.

My DSD is in my will to be treated as a bio child, and the same for her stepdad on the other side. That means she’ll inherit more than her siblings, which many see as unfair. Her siblings have all grown up in houses with their parents together in loving marriages, living in one home, one could argue they have an advantage in that sense? You can’t make it equal in these situations but you can make it as fair as possible.

If she is doing it to make point, then it’s still nothing to do with us.

So you acknowledge she is doing it this way just to make a point then.. you know full well that your mum has only done her will this way to stop your sister from being able to treat her own 4 children as equals.. wouldn't you feel singled out if this was you? I couldn't be so cold towards my sister as to shrug and say 'not my problem' .. it is your mum's decision at the end of the day, but she has done it this way to exert control, nothing more nothing less.

I think people need to re-read this part, it's important:

If she leaves it equally to us, my sisters biological children would get less as she would share it with her step children. My mum doesn’t want that as she would have done her will differently.

Well that went well! Her reasoning has led to a family feud. Much better to say nothing. She may change her will for some reason anyway.

It isn’t relevant to OP’s mum. There is no bearing on her to equalise inheritance to step DGC if they have no contact with their paternal GP’s

No, it's just what a decent parent would do.

Skipping a generation makes sense to me as the 3 of us are well off.

That's my point though, if you're all well off and your mum is well off, why bother putting a much lower value on the SC, knowing full well your sister would absolutely treat them equally if it was channeled through her first?

It's no surprise she is upset, and it's nothing to do with being grabby IMO, she just wanted the opportunity to make it fair within her own family so there is no massive financial disparity between her and her husbands 4 children going in to the future.

If my mum skipped the generation, like you confirmed, to make sure the scales were always going to be unbalanced against the SC, I would feel a certain way about it.. depending on the amounts left that could cause a lifetime of resentment between the siblings.

What's the point of it? I think it's an awful legacy to leave.

My mum said she was telling us now so that if anyone had a problem, she was here to deal with them and give her reasoning.

Exactly ! My biological grandparents did not even know I exist! Why assume step children have all grandparents involved.

I don’t think you’ve answered the question about whether the step children will also inherit from other grandparents / parents? I think that is relevant here.

How do you know she has done it to cause upset?

Because she has made a decision knowing it will cause upset and it has, I'm not guessing anything there, why do you think she has told them now, OP said it was so she 'could give her reasons'.

Her reasoning for why she skipped her own children wasn’t because she wanted to spite anyone it was because they are all financially secure and wanted to help the grandchildren because they likely need it more.

OP has confirmed the reason her mum has skipped the generation, and it is nothing to do with being fair and everything to do with ensuring the SC will only ever get the 'much less' that she has determined they are worth:

If she leaves it equally to us, my sisters biological children would get less as she would share it with her step children. My mum doesn’t want that as she would have done her will differently.

My point is, if she wanted to make sure everyone got the same she could have split it 9 ways.. would it really have mattered in the grand scheme of things? She has only done it to ensure the amount they have been given and to make a point that they are only to get what she values them at.

Skipping a generation makes sense to me as the 3 of us are well off.

That's my point though, if you're all well off and your mum is well off, why bother putting a much lower value on the SC, knowing full well your sister would absolutely treat them equally if it was channeled through her first?

It's no surprise she is upset, and it's nothing to do with being grabby IMO, she just wanted the opportunity to make it fair within her own family so there is no massive financial disparity between her and her husbands 4 children going in to the future.

If my mum skipped the generation, like you confirmed, to make sure the scales were always going to be unbalanced against the SC, I would feel a certain way about it.. depending on the amounts left that could cause a lifetime of resentment between the siblings.

What's the point of it? I think it's an awful legacy to leave.

Wow! Those posters saying ‘all children have four grandparents!’ Seriously?!

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

I have just accepted it because I know I wouldn’t be told what to do with my money and I feel strongly that it’s up to my mum.

From my mums point of view, she spent a lot of time with her grandchildren but not that much with the step children due to them being with their mum a lot. All of the grandchildren have remained close to my mum and although the step children get on well with my mum when they see her, they’re not close. I can understand her not wanting to leave them an equal share due to that but I’d also have been ok if she did because it’s her money.

Skipping a generation makes sense to me as the 3 of us are well off.

"Far fairer than my dad’s family basically getting 3/4 of the estate because they had loads of kids."

I presume they are your cousins as well? How do they feel about your grandmother leaving less to each of them than she did to you?

I have been sending her messages over the last month asking to talk and telling her I miss her. 😢

I sent her another message yesterday to say congrats to my nephew on his A levels and getting his firm choice uni, which we knew as he had been in touch with my kids on social media. We also sent a card and gift in the post which I know has arrived. My brother has done the same and we haven’t heard anything.

I have been sending her messages over the last month asking to talk and telling her I miss her. 😢

I sent her another message yesterday to say congrats to my nephew on his A levels and getting his firm choice uni, which we knew as he had been in touch with my kids on social media. We also sent a card and gift in the post which I know has arrived. My brother has done the same and we haven’t heard anything.