Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

Your mother should have split the money between her 3 kids and let each of them decide what to do with their share, I think it's awful to treat step kids differently to bio kids.

At least three of the children are very close in age (you say 19 and 20 and presumably 18 if one has just got their A level results). I think it's understandable for your sister to want all of her children to feel that they are equally valued members of the family. Your mum clearly doesn't and has deliberately set about showing that (as is her right of course).Your sister is hurt that you won't stick up for her. I would say give her some time, it's only been a few weeks, to process it all and work out how she can make peace with this because this feels very cruel to her. But you and your brother calling her an arse and deciding you've just found out who she really is etc. suggests your relationship was simply not as close and loving as any of you would have believed anyway,

Exactly tho, it’s just so unkind and controlling. Instead of just leaving the money to her 3 adult kids as is the norm, she’s thought hang on, I don’t want to risk that my daughter might give some of the money to her step children who she loves so I’ll disinherit her regardless of the trouble that causes.

It's your thread so I'll leave. Fair enough.

But my advice is to think calmly about how this could all have happened if good communication, healthy family relationships, and kindness were prioritised.

How is your sisters relationship with her partner? These sort of situations scream that she is trying desperately make things equal, perhaps because her partner is unhappy and putting pressure on her due to his kids inheriting different amounts?
When I lived with my ex, I absolutely refused to put his daughter in my will (we were tenants in common, I had a bigger deposit given to me by my parents). It caused no end of problems. It was always been thrown in my face. When we split up he still tried to take me to court for more money than was his.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on inheritance and step children, and that's fine - but its also fine that the OP's mum has an opinion on what she what's to leave in her Will.
For all we know OPs mum may need to pay for care later in life, and then there may not BE any inheritance....

I'm sure the double holidays more than makes up for it.

A DC and their stepsibling living under the same roof I'm sure have it equally tough at times. Less than ideal for stepsibling skipping between households, but also less than ideal knowing your parent has a kid to someone else.

Also the DC weekly routine will be largely dictated by the routine of the stepsibling. Their routine will just be formed around that.

What do the step
children stand to inherit from
their own biological grandparents and parents?

And does your sister expect her biological
children to inherit from her step children’s grandparents?

I wonder how the step grandchildren feel here. If they consider their step grandparents equal to their biological grandparents. I wonder if there was no money involved at all, if the step grandchildren would mind being considered ‘only step’.

I can't believe that people don't discuss these things, so that everyone knows the thoughts behind decisions, and if there are genuine reasons to re-think, there is time for the grandparent (or whoever) to do so.

My DP told DB and I some years ago that they considered us to be financially stable, so thought their estate should be left to the grandchildren.

We were happy with that, and it enabled our kids to buy their first properties, and pay off some uni fees, at a much earlier stage than they might otherwise have been able to do.

Our two DC are shortly to get married - no grandchildren yet - but we have discussed with both of them that if we decide to skip a generation, their respective DC will each get 50% shared between them. Our DC thought this was absolutely the fairest way to do things.

Talk - so there are no surprises.

If she now treats her bio children differently to favour her step children, then she really is an arse isn’t she.

Wow.. her and her husband are responsible for 4 children between them, if two are given an early leg up to get on the property ladder etc.. do you really think they will sit back and say 'thems the breaks' to the other two they are responsible for .. of course they will end up evening things out, it's natural if you want all your children to do well to give them a leg up, it's not 'arse' behaviour at all, it's being a parent.

There is nothing 'fair' about your mum's legacy, if she wanted it to be fair she would split it 3 ways and wish everyone well.

She’s right tho.
There is a level of malice involved to rewrite a will to deliberately ensure that two children don’t benefit indirectly from their parent.

Maybe the fairest thing would be to split it 3 ways and then sub divide that to the grandchildren. Agree with her sentiment though.

Your mum could leave your and brother shares to your respective kids and then DSIS share to her. She can then do what she wants to vary the will. This then accounts for the possible scenarios ( dsis gets divorced and remarried or whatever ). Just a thought

It’s the sister that has caused trouble and created the rift, as if she had any right to make such demands of her mother. If she decides to compound it by putting her own children at a disadvantage that too is on her.

Spot on.

That being the case, then surely your sisters expects her bio children to inheritance from her husband's parents then? It would be interesting to know her view on that...

Like I said though, was this really worth it for your mum?

I think she is being absolutely ridiculous and so petty to not get in touch with her own niece is pathetic. You mum is being fair to her 7 biological grandchildren. She is also helping out the step children, who I assume also have both parents and grandparents on the scene? That is for their biological family to deal with. Your sister needs to get a grip.

The only opinion that matters here is the person who is writing the will. It is their money to do with as they wish. I would be horrified if anyone tried to tell me what to do with my money.

Maybe everyone found out who everyone else is. Your mum seems to be fine with creating hurt and drama. Your brother and you seem fine with your sister being upset. Your sister seems unreasonable. Your kids seem unempathetic.

A happy, healthy family would have done everything very differently.

Actually; she’s not. The money is left to her children, and not her. So the children should get it. She has no right to split it with the stepchildren