Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

to those who think granny is so abhorrent, why? Why should she divide wealth between children who are not biologically related? Presumably they have other grandparents and will inherite from them. Or not. Inheritances are not a right. Granny might end up in a nursing home and the money might disappear making this stuff and nonsense totally irrelevant. It’s not a given.

from an adult stepchild perspective. I’ve got step grandparents whom I adore, they are wonderful and generous, but I don’t expect a penny from them. I was around long before their 2 biological granddaughters (I was 8 when I met them and 16 and 18 when the 2 girls arrived) but I’ve never considered I would get anything. You can’t expect the same treatment all the time, and it’s none of your business what they choose to do! No idea why people are so obsessed with inheritances and where it goes. You should be grateful for whatever comes down the line not policing how it’s divvied up.

Good grief, it's entirely up to the person what they want to leave to whom. My mum left the house to one brother as due to a medical condition he was highly unlikely to be able to get a mortgage. Did me and my other brother kick off? No. Because it's not our decision. If she'd had left everything to the cats' home then good for her. This grabby entitled attitude is incredibly entitled and disgusting.

It is your Mum's estate.
End of story.

You’re mom is a sly fox; she knows what she’s doing and I personally think she made the right decision.

Disagree totally. Always discuss, explain and listen to other points of view. Make your decision clear. Then when you shuffle off this mortal coil the upset and misunderstandings (should there be any) will be behind you, and your family will be free to grieve as they need.

I dont think your sisters opinion is "wrong" as such. But its not her money, its your mum's and she can divide it however she likes.

YANBU to tell your sister you wont tell your mum what to so with her money

I think your sister is being very unreasonable and greedy. I had a StepGrandfather who was very generous throughout my life, always gave me money whenever I saw him. He was in my life from the age of around 7 and I saw him as a GrandFather. But I never expected he would leave me anything, everything went to his biological family. I imagine your siblings family units are receiving similar amounts whereas yours will be a lot less because you only have two kids, so she doesn’t have a leg to stand on about ‘fairness’.

You are all being unreasonable. It’s your mums decision and you should all keep out of it !

I don’t agree that blood/biology overrules. If a baby/child was adopted into the family or if a step child came in to a family from a young age and was 100% or mostly lived with one parent so the grandparents saw them / had a equal relationship as their have with their biological grandchildren then I’d say it would be fair to treat them equally.

in this situation however it seems the children mostly lived with their mother and saw the grandparents occasionally so it’s understandable that they don’t have the same relationship /bond so I can see why the grandmother wants to do things differently.

Although the fairest thing would be to leave it equally to the children and they do as they want.

Are your sister's husband's parents leaving the same amount of inheritance to your sister's children as to their biological grandchildren?

Well there is quite a bit more to it, but the post is not about me- the point i was making is that it doesn't matter how unfair you think it is, or how many people agree with you , it is purely the wishes of the person leaving the money that counts.

I think this is quite telling. If the stepkids don't really consider your mum their grandmother and don't have the relationship that the other kids have then it's less about who is step vs not than who has a close relationship vs not.
I do think if your mum has treated the kids equally in other regards eg money for uni, then your sister needs to reframe this in her mind. Interestingly if the other grandparents passed away did they leave any inheritance either to the steps or her DH? Because in your sister's scenario all her kids both step and bio should.have the right to inherit from all the grandparents and I wonder if she's insisted in this regard on the other side too?

She should leave her money how she wants but I can see both sides. The step DC may well have other inheritances coming from their side of the family but these won’t be at the same time, so at the time of distribution it will feel unfair. It’s unnecessarily hurtful.

But the step children aren’t related to her and she’s under no obligation to leave anything at all to them.

Her best bet is to say she’s considered what everyone says and she’ll change her will back to benefiting her direct DC and they can distribute their share as they think fit. Although from memory she will have to include a provision for any descendants of her DC in case they predecease her. Best not to mention that bit if she wants to treat her step children differently.

He’s your half brother, no?

This is normal in this situation, your DF has split his share between all of his children fairly, his wife leaves hers to the only child she has.

If they’ve been married a long time, of course it’s joint money.

I don’t see what’s unfair here tbh.

My Dad remarried and had a son, despite us both being full children my step brother is getting 3/4 and I'm getting 1/4 my step mother never brought any money in it is all my dad's yet he regards it as half hers so I only get 1/4. If I was a step child I would have got nothing at all.
Under English law it is entirely the decision of the person leaving the money-fairness doesn't enter into it.

I reckon grandma saw through him. You don’t get to be a savvy business woman by being naive to these types.

She is still including, but not to the same extent, children that were only with her daughter very part time, limited weekend contact….. I would be asking your sister to confirm that her children will be getting an equal share with their step siblings from their other grandparents? That their mother’s parents, are giving all children an equal share in the will? Because when she inevitably says no, at that point she can be told to shut up…….

If they don't consider her to be their grandmother, I'm struggling to understand why their parents would expect them to inherit anything from her.

But the first bit is correct - do not discuss your will - ever!

Do not leave it to the donkey santuary they have 7 farms and are more than wealthy and doing ok.

Leave your money to your human relations!!!

Glad you’re ok - you had me worried!

Do the step grandchildren consider your mum to be their grandmother? Equal to their biological grandmothers?

Can you imagine the carnage if step parents genuinely fully gained the status of a parent purely via marriage?
Would my DHs ex need to sign off on his marriage to me, or have the power to veto it if she saw fit? She didn’t have a child with me, she had a child with him. Why should she have to tolerate a third party with an equal weight in the co parenting party?
Would my SC and her actual parents have any obligations to me as a full and equal mother or would I be all alone in my delusions?
What a mess it would all quickly become.