Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

It's her money. She should decide. It's not the way I would do it.

If she is doing it to make point, then it’s still nothing to do with us.

So you acknowledge she is doing it this way just to make a point then.. you know full well that your mum has only done her will this way to stop your sister from being able to treat her own 4 children as equals.. wouldn't you feel singled out if this was you? I couldn't be so cold towards my sister as to shrug and say 'not my problem' .. it is your mum's decision at the end of the day, but she has done it this way to exert control, nothing more nothing less.

I think people need to re-read this part, it's important:

If she leaves it equally to us, my sisters biological children would get less as she would share it with her step children. My mum doesn’t want that as she would have done her will differently.

Yes but it is paid on each estate.
e.g. the grandparent has a few million, the adult children inherit and pay tax, then they in turn leave a few million to their children (the grandchildren), so this is now more deaths and new estates, and more tax is paid at that point.

By leaving it straight to the grandchildren there is only one major estate and one lot of tax paid.

It is irrelevant to most people as most estates are not that huge.

I don’t get the whole ‘you guys are fine so GC get the lot’. It supposes she knows about your finances and creates problems like this (and generally rewards those who have more children than others). Much better to divide between her three children.

YANBU for not getting involved.

Based on your latest post that your mother didn't even see the SC that much - I think leaving them anything is a nice gesture.

Your mother is perfectly entitled to leave her money however she wants to.

It's a matter of simple biology - unless there is some sort of weird inbreeding going on.

But, on the other hand, if you are saying that not all children have four grandparents in their life then, yes, that is true.

For example, my paternal grandmother died before I was born and my paternal grandfather died when I was very young indeed.

There are any other number of reasons why grandparents are not in the life of grandchildren.

But even when a grandparent is in the life of a grandchild that does not mean that there is going to be any sort of inheritance.

Receiving any sort of inheritance, either as a child or a grandchild, is a very random event. But that doesn't mean that you don't have four grandparents.

Disgusted, really? It’s not about her caring about the money after she dies, it’s about caring that her biological grandchildren have the money after she dies. She is still leaving some to the step children just a smaller amount.

Ugh there is nothing more horrible than people arguing and grubbing about how much money they’ll get when the testator is still alive. Such uncouth behaviour.

You are right to stay out of it and this is wholly down to your mum. If I had step children or step grandchildren I wouldn’t think of them as equal to my own kids or grandkids either 🤷‍♀️

But then what you did leave would be split between your GC and SGC so they would get something?

I think she is right - these stepchildren are not her grandchildren - I wouldn't leave them anything at all. Much better and less divisive to share just between her own children.

But that scenario means that the partners of the children who received inheritances could effectively take some of the inheritance in the event of divorce / divorces.

Why do people keep saying OPs mother should leave it to her children for them to make their own choices?

She clearly knows what those choices would be, and disagrees with them. She either doesn't trust her children to pass money onto her grandchildren at all, or doesn't want an equal share going to step grandchildren.

It's her money and her decisions.

I think it’s kind of her to include the stepchildren, but she certainly doesn’t need to leave them equal shares. They have their own grandparents to do that.

Sorry but it is entitled and grabby to expect your step children to be given the same inheritance as biological grandchildren.

Her mother has even been generous to give them a smaller amount and hasn't excluded them entirely but the reality is she has no obligation to leave them anything from her inheritance.

"I wouldn't want 2 of my children to inherit a large sum while the other two were given a token amount, besides it causing awkwardness between the 4 children"

The reality is the children will never inherit the same amounts unless OPs sister is also going to force her stepkids grandparents and their mom to leave equal amounts to her other children which we know will not happen, it's not DS's place to decide what people do with their money.

This narrative or expectation that kids in blended families will have everything equal is just fallacy and unrealistic expectations.

"besides it causing awkwardness between the 4 children"

This only causes awareness when there are expectations. As I said I was a stepchild and I had absolutely no expectations to inherit from the grandparents of my step siblings because while they were nice and fair to me I knew they were not my biological grandparents and it was obvious that there was a difference between treating equally for e.g. day outs, birthday gifts etc and something as significant as inheritance.

If you decide to get into a blended family then you need to manage expectations instead of demanding equal inheritance for your stepchildren.

If she wants to throw the baby out with the bath water she can turn down the inheritance for her kids to make her point. It would be a stupid selfish point but that's her perogative.

Its her money. She can do what she wants with it. I think she is incredibly generous. I think that she is demonstrating that she loves the step grandchildren by including them. Ultimately, they have their own bio family that they may or may not insert from. I thinkbyour sister is being very entitled.

Well then you tell your sister it's your mum's money and she can do what she wants with it and you're not getting involved.

I think your mum is being more than fair but by doing what she is doing then it's not surprising she knew it would cause problems.

By giving a third to each child, then she is not giving the grandchildren less (or anything for that matter!) Her daughter, who has chosen to be part of a family with four children, is giving her share out equally.

But ultimately your sister needs to respect your mum's wishes.

You said in your OP that your mum told everyone her intended legacies now so that she could answer any questions in advance. So what has she said about her thought process in leaving a lesser sum to the SGC? And why is her explanation not acceptable to your sister?

It's not nonsense ..read OPs posts!

She could have left it to the children to leave to their children.. OP has said she has done this to STOP her sister giving equal shares to her 4 children, as she doesn't want the sisters biological children to "inherit less than their cousins".

If that was an actual concern she could have left it 9 ways so all grandchildren inherit the same, no one get's less, why would she care after she is gone.

Or she could have given 2/7th to OP, 3/7th to bro and 2/7th to sis and let them decide what is fair for their own children.

She has specifically skipped the generation to ensure the SC cannot be treated equally.

This is the point where I lost sympathy with your mother to be honest.

She's basically saying "I don't want my daughter treating her step-children as equal to her biological children".

Which is unpleasant.

This scenario is caused by the grandparent looking at all their wonderful grandchildren being an equal part of them, whereas each parent is regarding their own wonderful children being a part of THEM.
Moral of the story is to not tell anyone what's in your will in advance of kicking the bucket.

Ah ok I’ve been unfair I thought it was to be sure your sister didn’t share her inheritance between her four children

That is not how IHT works. It is based on the size of the estate of the deceased person, not who or how many they leave it to.

I always find it it absolutely disgusting how certain family members have such entitlement to inheritance...your sister is bang out of order and im on your mums side.. step children will have their own grandparents they're lucky they're getting anything at all.

I honestly believe that inheritance should pass to your children in equal amounts. It’s then down to them whether they pass it on to their children.

Anything else results in fall outs, which I’m sure no one wants.