Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

But why is that step grandmother's problem?

How many people who die and their partner remarries and leaves everything to their new partner thought the same as you?

If you want your kids to inherit something I would secure that in your will.

Incredibly kind of her to leave them anything🤷‍♀️

How do you know they will inherit from bio GPs? They might have nothing, they may be long dead, they might not know the GC exist.

But the steps will inherit from their bio grandparents - will they be expected to share that ???

sounds like perhaps your sisters DH is using this a wedge to spilt you from your sister. He sounds deeply unpleasant and controlling

maybe just keep texting your sister and be there if she needs you. Maybe the inheritance is all a red herring to a worse situation that she’s in.

Surely you understand that circumstances differ between families? My DP did this, with the full agreement of DB and myself. The important thing being that it was fully discussed between us before they finalised their Wills, so no surprises!

Skipping your children, entirely, in favour of grandchildren is just an awful thing to do. It's the 'message' it sends, more than anything.

Even though OP's mum is giving OP's sister's step-children a smaller amount than her biological grandchildren, OP has said that they will still be receiving a significant amount of money, so maybe they will be able to be mortgage-free.

I would imagine that most step-grandchildren normally receive nothing from their step-grandparents. My children and I weren't included in my step-mother's will, even though all her money came from my dad who married her very soon after my mum died very suddenly and which included my mum's inheritances and my dad's inheritance from his dad, my grandfather. Everything went to her daughters.

Considering that OP's sister's step-children spent most of their time with their own mother so OP's mum didn't have a particularly grand-parent-like relationship with them, I think that she has been pretty generous.

This.

Admittedly, I’ve not read the rest of your updates, @DogsInThePaddlingPool , so sorry if covering something you’ve said.

Your mum is between a rock and a hard place. I understand her wanting to be upfront about it, and that is the advice generally, rather than leave a shock after gone. Fair play for her doing what she wants with her money and owning it.

I think your stance of keeping out of it is wise!

Hopefully it’ll blow over and your sister will come round.

An inheritance is not a God given right. It is up to the person whose money it is to do with as they wish. I will never understand people who think they can dictate where it goes or who gets what. Someone you love has died, if you happen to be given some money after that awful event be thankful, don’t dissect where every penny has gone.

I wonder if the mother doesn't like or trust the sister's DH - hence her skipping a generation in her will. She wouldn't be the first person to do that and is also unlikely to tell her sister that is the reason.

It is quite common in blended families for their to be quite glaring financial disparities between step/half siblings - I know several where some of the children are privately educated for example as paid for by the 'other' parent. Difficult situations to manage I am sure but somewhat inevitable in blended families.

I didn't say it was the OP mother's problem. I said it was the OP's sister's problem. That's the point. So please don't tell me that I feel x must happen and that by my logic y etc. and read the post properly.

'That could be the difference between 2 of your children ever being able to afford their own home and the other 2 being mortgage-free for most of their life due to a gift"

That's not OP's mother's problem though is it?

The kids have their parents both father and mother, and their actual 4;grandparents etc, it is not OP's mother's responsibility to make sure they can afford a home.

By your logic is OPs sister and husband going insist or should I say demand that the kids mother must split whatever she leaves behind to include OPs sisters kids who are her ex husbands stepkids??? Or that the stepchildren's actual grandparents must also share equally to include her kids?

We all know that wouldn't happen but somehow you feel this will must be split equally to include them so they can also afford a house.

The woman has been very generous to even include them in the first place. The stepchildren don't even consider her their grandmother because they have their own 4 actual grandparents, they split their time between OPs sister and her DH home and their mother and her new partner so they don't even have the same access or time with the grandma in question but when it comes to money we demand equality...

I respect that her mom let them know of her decision. I don't like when parents make will decisions that are controversial but the adult kids only find our later leading to accusations or corrosion etc.

She has made her decision and let them know and DS can throw a strop all'l she wants but she can't accuse OP or their brother of conspiring against her or that their mom was not of sound mind etc.

Because she’s trying to state that her stepchildren should have some sort of entitlement to her mother’s money.

It doesn’t matter how much money OP’s mother has, no one else is entitled to decide what she does with it. She’s not being unfair to the stepchildren by not treating them like grandchildren, because they aren’t her grandchildren. The sister can feel however she wants about her stepchildren, but she cannot demand her family feel the same.

The sister might be being unreasonable, for sure, but why greedy? She's not asking for the money to be gifted to her. Utlimately the OP says her mother has "a shitload of money" and this sounds to be true given that she has has thus far given all of her grandkids (including the step ones) rent and living expenses for a whole year at uni. She's obviously got ££££££££ at her disposal. And now 2 of the sister's children are going to be given 1/7 each - a significant chunk - of that and 2 of her children not. That could be the difference between 2 of your children ever being able to afford their own home and the other 2 being mortgage-free for most of their life due to a gift. If it were the original will, all three family units inheriting the same, she would not have had to deal with being powerless in the face of that. The OP's mother has made a deliberate choice to do it his way, she will have her reasons, i'm sure she anticipated her daughter's profound upset but went ahead none the less and has done so with the OP and her brother's support.

Totally agree trying to skip a generation always causes arguments between siblings who have more/less children or blended families. Much simpler to divide between the children equally then they can share it out however they see fit

Hi @DogsInThePaddlingPool your sister is being ridiculous here. So your sisters kids will probably be inheriting more than any of the other GC. Maybe they are inheriting from their step dads parents and this is why your sister wants her SC to inherit more from your mum.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think your mother had been very generous to include the step grand children. Whilst I would always feel sad to hear if step children are excluded from family activities or treated differently day to day, I think you are right that inheritance is about biology. I can't imagine the step children's grandparents will be including their step children ( ie your sister's biological children) in their wills or if they do, as equals to their biological grandchildren. I would imagine the step grandchildren are actually pleasantly surprised to be included which is why they are seem happy to carry on as normal.

Perhaps your mum knows more about your sister's husband than she's letting on, and may be partly why the inheritance is skipping a generation.

I always said that if me and my partner were in a decent financial position, any inheritance from our parents would go straight to the children. It's an amazing thing to be able to have financial security from a young age. Life changing.

Really hope things work out.

Yet another thread exemplifying why it is generally a bad idea to disinherit your children in favour of your grandchildren. I cannot understand why people do it.

My husbands mum isn’t leaving my children a thing, as is her right. They aren’t her grandchildren and she saw them a few times a year when they were small. (In fact she is leaving everything to only one grandchild, that’s a whole other story)

My husband is leaving my children and granddaughter EVERYTHING (if I die first). To him they are HIS family and he loves and treats them as his (they feel the same).

He is the only grandfather that my granddaughter knows (and he’s her favourite person). His mum called her his step granddaughter and I’ve never seen him so angry in his life.

Blood shouldn’t matter but I totally understand your mums view, it would perhaps be different if the stepkids lived with her daughter and she saw them as much as the other grandchildren, but she doesn’t. They have their own grandparents (who I assume they will inherit from too).

The moment someone told me what to write in my will, I’d disinherit them.

If your sister splits with her dh, then the sc will likely disappear with the money, never to be seen again, with the money then likely go outside the family. But the biological gc will always be within the family unit. My bil raised step children from when they were 5 and 7 to when they were 18 and 20. Split with their mum 4 years ago and has never spoke to them again. Not his choice, but blood thicker than water, and the sc clearly didn’t feel there was any emotional connection with my bil, and just moved on.

You and your siblings may well be comfortable, but it would have been so much simpler if your mother had just divided the inheritance equally between her own children, who could then decide how to help their own children, as I'm sure you all would. From what I've seen in life splitting inheritances unequally always seems to create some resentment somewhere, even when it's done for ostensibly good reasons.

We have had issues as Dad wanted straight split with 3 daughters but died first.
Mum then wanted money to grandchildren and even great grandchildren but left no will, so intestate and 3 daughters have to decide. Think money will just go to grandchildren, we will have to give up our legal rights.
Really feel should not skip generations

Its really up to your mum, as to her wishes ,you are right not to get involved x