AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

It varies though and I’d say 5 is generous. I’ve been to at least 3 weddings where the wine on the table has gone by the end of the starters.

Almost all weddings I’ve been to where there isn’t an open bar have had 1 small welcome drink, maybe two small glasses at dinner and one flute for the toast.

Thats not enough for me if I’m hosting. I’m perfectly happy to pay for drinks as a guest. I’m just saying it’s not for me if I’m hosting.

I suppose typing that has made me realise that I think a free bar is probably only fair after your guests have attended and celebrated with you. I doubt most people can afford that though unless they kept it a very small affair.

I agree with this actually @Itsa10fromLen

But once weddings changed from a lovely fun celebration to celebrity prince and princess cosplay guests are not prioritised.

A Paris goblet of cheap wine or a weak Pimms whilst waiting for 2 hours of photos is not a ‘welcome’ in my book.

Those that aren’t providing a free bar are still providing drinks though…maybe two at the drinks reception; usually at least two or three glasses of wine with dinner, as well as water and tea/coffee then; a drink to toast during speeches; and more tea and coffee later on in the evening (at least where I am).

That’s at least 5 alcoholic drinks a head (for those who want them) even without a free bar…

I think you might have missed the point. To clarify, I am the least likely person you could meet to take advantage of the bride and grooms hospitality. I don’t drink alcohol so I certainly am not concerned about that. Two Coke zero’s and I am happy. I don’t eat much as I used to be fat and now I’m thin and I have to eat next to nothing to maintain that so it’s not so much that I’m thinking about what I can get, in fact I would be trying to avoid the food (sad but true). I just think that the bride and groom often seem to think that the wedding is a prize but if you think about it, it costs people far more to attend than most people would spend on any sort of activity or night out. I think it’s about time we realised that going to a wedding costs the guests a lot! It sounds like your wedding was quite some time ago and I think the expectation of guests nowadays is very different (not always of course but typically) ‘Don’t wear this colour, this is the theme, make sure you don’t post any photos, your gift must be a certain amount’ (all posts I’ve seen on here so I know these are real things) hen do’s, stag do’s, maid of honour duties, childcare if you can’t bring your children etc, it’s ridiculous. I feel a bit guilty typing this here as the OP is most likely a really nice person that doesn’t expect any of those things. But some brides and grooms do. And I’ve noticed anyone on this thread that has said that their experience is that weddings have a free bar have had comments made to them about wealthy friends, all a bit snippy when all they were doing was giving an honest answer that they were asked to give. It’s not that difficult to believe that some people move in circles with free bars.

I suppose typing that has made me realise that I think a free bar is probably only fair after your guests have attended and celebrated with you. I doubt most people can afford that though unless they kept it a very small affair.

I wouldn't do a free bar as it just encourages some people to get absolutely rat arsed. I went to a wedding where I was given a ticket for one free drink which seems a good plan.

Absolutely- I purposely chose a venue where we could buy the alcohol and provide it - wine, beer, cider, some spirits, soft drinks.

I would not have been able to afford an open bar at a hotel so I chose not to have a wedding at one.

I bought so much wine we were giving it away to visitors to our house for months after the wedding.

It depends on what one prioritises. Neither is right or wrong, for me it’s just not an option to have people pay for drinks at a party I host.

I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar and ours wasn’t either. We did welcome drinks, fizz for speeches and instead of wine on the table (because I don’t drink wine and hate that I never get a free drink when I go to events!) we have everyone a free drink token :) everything else was paid by the guests. I would never expect a bar to be open at a wedding I attended.

Pleasantly surprised!

For both our daughters’ weddings we had a welcome drink, with canapés, wine on the tables, fizz for the toast and an open bar -but only for soft drinks, beer and wine. We were really surprised by the bill at the end of the night. Depends on your crowd, I suppose.

Must be a bit of a crap wedding if you’re on Mumsnet. Maybe they should have put on a free bar to liven it up a bit?

Love a free bar at a wedding. Great food, great music, plentiful drinks – that’s what makes a great wedding.

Weddings shouldn't be so transactional. You don't go for what you get out of it. You go because you want to go regardless of what you'll get for going.

If I like someone so little that I could only cope if they gave me free alcohol all night then I probably shouldn't have been invited!

The standard is 1-2 welcome drinks, half a bottle of wine, 1-2 drinks for a toast. That's about 4-5+ drinks. I've been to some where you get a drinks token/first drink free.
Just checked with DH and we put £500 behind the bar.

I'd never expect someone else to do that though.

Really it's a fair amount of booze before you even get to the evening and rarely is all the wine gone.

For our welcome drinks it was 2x prosecco, beer or PIMMS!

We've been told by a fair few (even women in their 80s) that it was the best wedding they'd ever been to. Everyone was on the dance floor until the very last song and chanting "one more song" at the DJ.

I'd much rather my friends got themselves on the housing ladder than worry about one very expensive day. Weddings are around £40k these days.

Our parents never paid a penny to attend our wedding. Rooms, food and drinks all sorted for the 3 days. They've done enough for us that I wouldn't dream of taking money off them for our wedding day.

MIL insisted on paying towards our honeymoon which we accepted but we wouldn't have her pay for our wedding day, it felt wrong to us - we'd chosen to have it and where. Would seem so cheeky!!

I think it's lovely when parents chuck money behind the bar or pay for specific things like your wedding dress etc but the norm should really be that you pay for your own wedding and that you sort guests for food and drinks during the daytime, but the evening is up to them. Anything is a bonus.
I can't believe how many entitled people are on here complaining that a wedding is bad because they didn't get more stuff for free!

Not at all, it's a bonus but I definitely don't expect it.

You asked me about this and I replied but you’ve ignored it and carried on posting about how rich you need to be to have a free bar.

We had a free bar all weekend (Friday to Sunday) and we spent £13k all in. We didn't have cars or photographers etc, we did basic or DIY for a lot of things (my two wedding outfits totalled about £250) but ordered in a shit tonne of booze, as well as food for the whole weekend too. I think our canapes and evening buffet came to about £250 in total for 70 people? Plus dinner also.

13k isn't cheap, but a 13k hotel wedding of the same era wouldn't have included so much food and booze.

Providing the drinks can be different to an open bar though. An open bar also has an open bill, so unless money is no object just letting the drinks flow for hours can mount up to a hefty sum.

For me I wouldn’t have a party of any kind without providing the alcohol.

As a guest I have zero issue in paying for my drinks.

Culturally family (West Indian) muck in with preparing and ‘guest experience’ outweighs everything else.

I chose a variety of cheaper things for my wedding so that the food and drink for the guests was top notch and 15 years later people regularly tell me our wedding was the most fun wedding they’ve attended (apropos of nothing - I do not seek this validation).

Wine on tables is fine. If you have any budget for a bar you could
provide people with a couple of tokens each but I think people expect to pay anyway.

DD1 got married last month. Their reception venue was a hall so there wasn't a bar. The invitation asked guests to bring their own bottle for the evening and we provided wine and Schloer for the meal (there were a lot of drivers/non-drinkers so we had equal numbers of alcoholic/non-alcoholic bottles). I don't think I have ever been to a wedding where there was intentionally an open bar (one had an honesty box but the "barman" had one too many so people were helping themselves to bottles of champagne, and the other the bar staff left so guests were helping themselves at the bar).

As far as I'm concerned, if you need someone else to supply you with free booze all night in order to enjoy yourself, and free bottles of wine, a welcome drink and fizz for the toast arent good enough for you, then you are probably a bit of a tit and they'd do better not to invite your borring sorry arse to the wedding in the first place.

I don’t know anyone that would expect a free bat nowadays. I do though find the whole concept of wedding invites weird as I’m getting older. This is what it sounds like to me when I get an invite:
”Would you like the honour of attending my wedding? You’ll need new outfits for everyone, potentially a hotel room, fuel / taxi money, money for overpriced drinks in the evening and at LEAST £30 as a wedding gift. In return we will offer you a 3 course meal that you probably wouldn’t choose yourself, lots of waiting around with a hungry tummy, a chip on a spoon as a canapé, 2 glasses of wine and some sandwiches later.” I absolutely could not ask anyone to attend a wedding anymore, I would have to keep the numbers at about 10 and pay for everything. I totally appreciate it’s only me that feels like this so no need to tell me I’m a miserable cow, I already know.

Not the whole night, no. Money's far too tight for people these days for that. An hour, maybe two at the maximum.

I think it's incredibly naff to expect people to buy their own drinks at your event.

Been to only 3 weddings that I remember with cash bars- one was a cheap hotel package wedding, one they were very young and the other was incredibly budget- food was a pizza van you paid for that too!

Never been to a normal wedding with a cash bar, think there's probably been a few with set amounts behind the bar but it's never noticeably been finished.

Wealthy enough to be able to afford the drinks flowing all night!

Son's wedding and we said we'd pay/supply the alcohol for the venue.

Liquor license obtained for the event and barman hired.

Welcome drink, bottles of red, white, sparkling on all the tables. Son decided it would be a "toonie" bar. In Canada it's a $2 coin. So $2 for whatever was ordered.

Well, I over bought the wines and spirits. Six cases of white, six of red, six each of pink and dry sparkling. 4x28 bottles of beer and a keg. Plus a load of spirits for mixed drinks.

Most of the guests were Army and I was worried we'd run out. Well, turns out paying for a drink leads to responsible drinking. By 9pm, we told the barman free wine for whoever wanted it. We just didn't want to carry it home. We still wound up with wine.

Tea and Coffee were provided with the 11pm buffet.

When we left at midnight they were still drinking.

It's regarded as one of the best weddings those guys went to.

Shame the reception last longer than the marriage, lol.