AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

in your logic, but as this thread is showing not everyone lives the same life as you!

You may have a birthday every year but that doesn't mean everyone celebrates each year with a meal or party. If a friend invited you to celebrate their birthday you wouldn't expect them to pay for all your drinks the same logic applies to a wedding.

I agree free bar not necessary but I would make sure that there is plenty of wine at the table with the meal. I went to a wedding wedding where the table wine ran out at our table very early on and it was really awkward. There was barely enough for a glass each.

Nah you have a birthday every year. You only get married once or twice. No comparison

I made the birthday comparison because some posters were saying if you host you should pay for everything. I'd host my friends to celebrate a birthday for a meal out but it's completely normal to not pay for everything and or to bring desert or drinks if a friends hosting you at home.

I'm surprised that some posters have never heard of paying for drinks at a wedding even if they've only been to weddings with free bars (and very wealthy friends). It's really isn't that uncommon or unusual.

I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar and being in my 50s I’ve been to a lot

Eye-opener in the sense that I have never been to a wedding where there wasn’t an open bar. And I’ve been to dozens of weddings.

A birthday is absolutely nothing like a wedding. Although if I’m hosting for my or DH’s birthday, we provide all food and drinks (beer, wine, spirits) with guests welcome to bring a bottle of wine if they want.

We didn’t.

We provide a glass of champagne for toast and put wine on the table with the meal.

after that people paid for their own.

that’s been the deal at every wedding I’ve been too.

Of course they do. Why would that be such a shocking eye opener?

People also pay for meals if they go out for dinner with friends to celebrate birthdays too. It's perfectly normal.

I'm sure you enjoyed checking this!

Same.

This thread is an eye-opener.

Do people really buy their own drinks at a wedding?

Went to a Scottish wedding - it was "de riguere" for all the gentlemen to have a flask with a dram in their sporrans !!

Most of the weddings I’ve been to have had a free bar but I have no problem paying for drinks. I’m happy to do so if that makes sense for the budget but do say if it’s cash / card only.

I didn't want my wedding to cost my friends anything. So we asked for no gifts and provided all food and drink. However we didn't have a fancy venue.
When you have a wedding in a fancy venue it's more common to provide first drinks and dinner drinks but not the party drinks.

When my sister got married everyone got a token for one free drink (in addition to the toast drinks). Beyond that it was buy for yourself, which I think is perfectly reasonable. I've never been to a wedding that had a free bar, the nearest I've had like that was one where there held in a a village hall and the booze was all bought as a present from the parents of the couple.

Don’t recall ever having been to a wedding with a pay bar, and we’ve been to our fair share. But vast majority of them have been marquee do’s.
As long as you make your guests aware that they’ll need cash/cards, it’s your wedding do as you wish. Hope you have a lovely day OP.

Will add we got married in France so the alcohol was probably cheaper than would have been in the UK. I felt obliged to have free food / drink and accommodation for everyone because they made such a big trip to attend and it couldn’t be just a one day trip either due to the distance.

I certainly wouldn't have one because I know for a fact some relatives would take an open bar as some form of challenge ....

We had a free bar; I don’t know if it was a good idea or not tbh! We bought all the booze beforehand and then the supplier took back what was unopened and deducted that from the bill. I think it worked well and I hope everyone felt looked after! This was ten years ago now but I do recall our friends being quite drunk so I think they enjoyed it!

I don't expect a free bar but if I was planning a wedding I would try my hardest to make sure everything is supplied, even if it meant cutting costs elsewhere. People can spend a lot attending a wedding with travel, clothing, accommodation, presents etc, so I personally think it is rubbish that a couple spend loads on things like flowers and an expensive dress when they could provide drinks. That's just my personal opinion though.

There is usually another party, bbq or similar the following day now. This is a fairly recent addition…they weren’t really a ‘thing’ when I got married 20 years ago, but any recent wedding I’ve attended has another gathering scheduled for the next day.

I think a lot depends on the people you have coming to your wedding. I wouldn't, for example, want to provide free booze for people whose aim would be to drink the bar dry!

We had a open bar at our wedding with one rule - no bubbles and no doubles!

I thought surely not 😂

Sorry, 2am I meant…I’ve since edited. Oops!
Typically a core group will continue in the residents’ bar for a good while afterwards…there’s often a singsong then.