AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

Agree with this - when you know they’ve spent £2000 on the photographer, £1700 on the videographer, £1000 on the dress and £750 on flowers you do begrudge your £250 hotel room when you’re then forking out £8 for a small glass of wine

No way. I’d never expect a free bar and I’ve never been to a wedding with one. My uncle put 500 behind the bar for my cousin but that’s not the norm I feel.

That’s unusual. Normally it’s just you foot the bill at the end (with potentially some restrictions the staff are aware of - no 1975 single malts etc). Nothing complex about it.

£1500 + the cost of wine for the tables. It wasn’t any messier than any other wedding I’ve been to. Drinkers are going to drink, those who want to pace themselves, will.

I always think cash bars are a bit poor show to be honest. Our bar was totally open and in the context of weddings it wasn’t even that expensive - 70 guests, £1500. There was also wine on the tables.

I find it annoying as a guest when I’m paying £6 a drink but the couple have clearly spent 000’s on pointless decor or something else that doesn’t really make a difference to your experience as a guest (a Photo Booth? Fine to have but not in preference of meeting peoples’ basic needs).

It’s not even about drinking necessarily as a Diet Coke is equally a fortune.

Anyway I don’t expect them to be TOTALLY free necessarily but I do expect:

• post reception drink
• wine on tables
• drink for toast
• some kind of bar arrangement eg. £500 and when it’s done it’s done, or certain drinks are free but if you want premium or doubles you have to pay, whatever.

Of all the weddings I have been to, they have all had a totally open bar apart from one which provided absolutely NOTHING for guests apart from a toast drink. Take a wild guess at which was the least enjoyable? Having an open bar sets a relaxed vibe.

Yes should be a free bar at wedding even if just beer and wine.

I wanted a free bar at ours, but I seem to remember it was quite complicated from a venue/caterer/licensing perspective, in that we would have essentially had to decide on all the drink (and quantities) we were pre purchasing, rather than people could just order at the bar and we got the bill at the end. We did have a (very generous) amount of fizz for the reception beforehand and the speeches/toasts, and plenty of wine on the tables at dinner so by the time it came to buying drinks from the bar later on people were already well refreshed anyway (I think we put money behind the bar for the wedding party etc as well).

I’ve been to more weddings that have a free bar than don’t, but I always go assuming there won’t be one. I’m surprised how many were free bars. They were all decent sized weddings, 100 guests vicinity. Parents would have been paying for the whole thing in all cases I would highly suspect.

Our wedding, which was one of the first, no free bar but we could provide our own alcohol with a corkage fee so there were welcome drinks and wine at the tables. Could also keep the open bottles for the evening. Evening guests got a drink on arrival. At the time I thought we were really generous but perhaps not now I think about it!

I’d be interested to know what the free bars cost at the weddings we attended, to see how much extra it was. Guess I won’t find that out though!

We did. But had a small, covid wedding. If the budget can stretch to it, maybe put a few hundred behind the bar then after that it's gone (but only you know if you have guests that will take advantage of that and order 21 shots at a time in the first 25 minutes so no one else gets a look in!)

Also i guess it depends how big it is - a nice gesture, but I wouldn't expect a free bar at all!!

I don’t like attending events with a free bar.

People are far less restrained with alcohol when it’s somebody else footing the bill and that comes with a greater risk of people drinking too much and all that comes with that.

You have decent and unlimited wine with dinner then wine beer and singles at the bar. You don’t have cocktails and you tell the bar people no shots.

I think it's a rarity these days unless there's some serious money behind the wedding. Wine for the tables and a bit of fizz for the toast are the norm for most weddings I've been too and nobody has said they were unhappy with that, all very happy days!

I think whatever you want to do is fine - it's your wedding - but just make expectations clear on the invitation. I've been to plenty of weddings with free bars and though I wouldn't expect anyone to provide one, it's nice to know what the expectations are beforehand.

For those who have had a free bar at their weddings, how much did it end up costing and was it messy?

I've been to free bars for work events and people took the pee hugely by ordering elaborate cocktails, endless shots then falling about all over the place.

As a chap I was one those in a kilt!

Although the kilt does seem to have an affect on the ladies present 😁

Family member got married this spring. Extremely generous - champagne on arrival plus pimms, beers. Excellent wine throughout meal. More champagne for toasts. Bar afterwards was free for wine, beer and single measure spirits.
Cocktails were excluded from the free element. One cheeky mare complained that this was “confusing”. Everyone else just taken aback by the generosity.

Ive been to many many weddings of all different levels. One last autumn - a single free drink - after that everything you paid for. Lots of totally free bars (lots of wastage / wasted folk). Majority somewhere in between.

Personally I feel that once you’re older I’d rather have fewer people and more or less open bar at weddings and big birthdays. Feels more gracious to me if finances allow.

Same here. Buck’s fizz and non alcohol option for arrival, generous supply of wine during meal, champagne for the speeches/toasts, tea/coffee when the cake was brought round.

We did once go to an evening do which had a free bar - but the buffet was very thin. I don’t think I was the only guest calculating how many sandwiches each as we queued- two sandwiches and one sausage roll. I’d rather have a generous buffet and not a free bar.

As I said above my free bar cost £800 (80-90 people central London members club) my sister married more recently in a four star hotel and it was about £1200. In the scheme of average wedding costs this isn’t a lot. I spent more on my dress, the flowers and the musician for the entrance

Then you're very fortunate that all your friends are in a position to be able to afford to do so. Unfortunately for many that would not be possible and it doesn't mean that they shouldn't also be able to enjoy celebrating events such as a wedding or birthday with friends and family just because they cannot afford to pay for everyone's drinks or in your case drinks and meals.

Its very lucky none of your friendship group has found themselves unable to do so but should they find themselves in that situation it wouldn't be unthinkable at all, it would be quite normal.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks it’s odd.

Completely disagree, a wedding is nothing like a birthday to me. I don’t know anyone who would treat it as such. And I’m someone who makes a big deal around my birthday - new dress, big party, separate birthday dinner etc.

A wedding is a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event that needs to be more memorable. Expecting your guests to pay in the same way they would pay if you went out for birthday drinks is unthinkable in my social circle. Indeed most birthday parties I go to these days all food and drinks are completely paid for by the host, particularly milestone birthday celebrations, so to not pay for this at your wedding - again, unthinkable.

Not had a free bar at a wedding since the early 1990s. Would be wildly costly to do this @Gettingmarried27eek Maybe offer 2 free drinks? Not sure how you'd go about doing this (and making sure people don't have more,) but that might be OK.

I think people would appreciate a couple of free drinks at least.... Last wedding DH and I went to earlier this year (at a posh hotel,) we got 4 drinks - 2 for us 2, and 2 for 2 others we were sitting with, (ours were non alcoholic.) Cost nearly £26 for the 4. I nearly passed out when the barmaid said '£25.75 please!'

Well no of course not life would be boring if we all did the same but it is showing that not having a free bar is incredibly normal and not at all something to find shocking.

We had a free bar. We also had the same people for the ceremony/meal/evening. I personally would scale back the invite list in order to afford the wedding I want. I think paying for drinks at an invited celebration is odd.

The only Wedding with a free bar ( if you can call it that) Was in a village/community hall where the brides family provided the food and drink themselves. So they had multiple bottles of spirits etc Was actually quite a nice Wedding disco.