AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

To be fair, I didn't say free bars were mega-expensive, and I didn't say you needed to compete with the mega-rich. I just reported my own experience to illustrate that - to me - free bars aren't the norm, and I pointed out that most people probably couldn't compete with other aspects of a wedding I've been to (and implicitly, needn't compete with the 'free bar' aspect either if they don't want to).

A free bar for our wedding would have cost a few thousand pounds (at 2010s prices) which we didn't have in the budget. That may be affordable to some, but it wasn't "really not expensive" to us at the time. And having a cash bar in the evening (after providing every guest with half a dozen free drinks first!) seemed less grabby than ringing round asking for cash contributions towards a "free" bar!

We eloped so not sure if this carries much weight but if I had a big do of a wedding I'd get married in an H&M dress if it meant I could have a free bar.

Or at least plenty of house wine, fizz and beers available, then I suppose a cash bar is OK for anyone who really badly wants a gin and tonic or whatever.

People are already forking out for a dress, travel, possibly overnight stay, a gift. Buy them a drink! Lower-middle class here, don't come from money.

A free bar is always a nice touch at a wedding but it is very expensive if you're having a UK wedding venue type wedding, so understandable if only welcome drinks and table wine are provided!

Most of the weddings I've been to have had a free bar but lots of them have been abroad.

Free bars really aren’t expensive though, why would you need to compete with the mega rich?

some of you should get some Sikh friends. You’d be gobsmacked at what you get at their wedding 🤣

I have 8 weddings this year. Just 2 left now. The only one with an open bar was in America, and the bride's family are incredibly wealthy.

I don't ever expect a free bar. Weddings are expensive enough, and it only takes a few people taking g the piss for things to spiral.

We did have a free bar at our wedding. BUT it was a small destination wedding (30ish people) in a country where alcohol is cheaper than in the UK, and we knew our guests werent ridiculous with alcohol. Weirdly, we spent about half of what we had budgeted.

I think it’s fine. We did tea/coffee before the wedding breakfast then water/red wine/white wine/rose wine on the table. There was also Appletiser for people not drinking.

Most weddings i am at have a free bar nowadays...it seems to be the trend now. But having said that just because it's expected, you do your own thing and if you don't want to have one don't if it's outwith your budget. Have a lovely wedding day

I think I've only been to two weddings where there was a free bar. One was a uni friend who's the CFO of a tech company you've all heard of. The other was held in a stately home and also featured custom-made platinum/diamond jewellery for the bride, a champagne fountain, a five course dinner (not counting the canapes and petits fours), a MASSIVE fireworks display, and a photography/videography team of four people in attendance throughout the day. You probably can't compete with these people, and you probably shouldn't try.

At our own wedding 16 years ago we provided arrival drinks (Pimms or sparkling wine), half a bottle* of wine per head with dinner, and a glass of fizz each for the toasts. This was about typical of weddings I've attended.

*We allowed half a bottle per head. The bottles were placed on the tables for people to top themselves up. Some tables finished theirs, some didn't. Whatever was left was placed on a side table for general use. A couple of people just drank wine for the rest of the evening.

I’ve been to a lot of weddings and I’ve never been to one with a free bar.

I’ve been to quite a lot where there were a lot of free drinks offered (welcome drink, wine at dinner, toast drink, cocktails being walked around at the evening, drinks in the time between the wedding and food) but never entirely free bar. I’ve also been to weddings where a little bit of money has been put behind but again not a free bar.

I would expect a welcome drink and a toast drink to be provided but anything else would be a nice surprise. I went to a wedding once where there wasn’t a toast drink provided and the groom asked everyone to raise a glass and nobody had a drink in their hand so it was a bit awkward.

Welcome drinks and wine or alternative on the table. Nobody expects a free bar, I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar.

We went to a wedding with a fre barca few years ago. I saw a woman filling a hip flask with spirits she ordered from the bar, presumably to take home,I tutted and she growled at me 🙄 prople sadly take the piss

I've only been to two weddings where there wasn't a free bar and one of those had the only drunken punch up I've seen at a wedding.
But I think free bars are probably much less frequent now and if you let people know it will be absolutely fine.

Paid bars are really not the norm - I have only ever seen it once and that was when nothing at all was provided.

The poster above who provided Prosecco, pimms and wine was fine as you could feasibly not spend any money (I would have included a beer as well though)

What’s the connection I wonder? Is it class based? I’m not sure it is as I know someone who comes from a very wealthy family who seems to think it’s not necessary to cater for your guests. Are some people just bad hosts?

Personally, I've never been to a wedding without a free bar, and would be (very slightly) put out if I did. We prioritised this at our wedding over photographyer cars, cake, rings, etc.

I think free bars were more popular two or three decades ago or at least a few hundred pounds were put behind the bar so that everyone got at one or two drinks for free. It was a hospitality kind of thing. Drinks are incredibly expensive these days so a free bar is probably less popular. Also, a lot of couples save hard and pay for their own weddings whereas it was used to be commonplace for parents to foot the bill.

As discussed throughout, some parents offer yo pay for after bar as hospitality

Personally, I wouldn't be paying to get my friends drunk

Can do 1 drink voucher for everyone and a tab for close family.. but it's the norm for paid bars these days

Life is expensive!!

Hopefully you’ll list that in your dietary requirements and not expect the host to magically know that you can’t drink wine?

Absolutely fine not to have a free bar OP. We had one but it was in a barn and we didn’t have to pay corkage… just hired bar staff and bought our own booze

I wouldn't expect a free bar (I don't want to imagine the cost of that!). I have been to weddings where there WAS a free bar, but the people getting married were insanely wealthy. Most weddings were: welcome drink, bottles of wine on the table and then soft drinks. I rarely drink alcohol (and when I do, it's no more than one or two units as a maximum).

I went along with that for my wedding (I'm now divorced though!). So we had: welcome drinks (decent prosecco - I couldn't afford Champagne), Pimms (as it was summer), bottles of red/white/rose wine on the tables, soft drinks and tea/coffee. Oh, and non-alcoholic fizz/wines for people too. I did get a mobile bar in, but this was for people to buy anything else. Our venue was cheap (nice village hall, backing out over the village green near the Church, had good parking, enough space for 150-200 guests and excellent facilities for wheelchair users) but it meant I could go all out on making sure we had loads of food and drink for everyone all through afternoon and evening.

Just do what is right for you though. I've seen guests really take the piss with free bars - lots of wasteful behaviour (and getting completely hammered!) just because they're not paying for the drinks.

I find it annoying as a guest when I’m paying £6 a drink

I have paid way more than that at weddings. Which is why we had a free bar.

I agree - I think it’s something people say but it’s not actually a reality. I’ve already said upthread that in my experience if someone wants to get wasted at a wedding then they’ll get wasted at a wedding.

Slight exception was my cousin’s wedding abroad where my brother got absolutely trolled because the bar staff were pouring free measures!

We did have a free bar but got married years ago. I think a toasting drink and maybe a glass of wine with dinner is plenty.

Me too. I think it’s usual even if there is a just a set amount left. I’ve been to lots of weddings where the free bar tab runs out later in the evening and then everyone pays their way. But I’ve never bought drinks immediately after the wedding breakfast finishes or in the afternoon !

the worst wedding I went to was when the b&q wouldn’t provide a free bar even though it was in a bloody marquee so not even a venue who would be working the bar anyway. They took £700 on the till so hardly any money in the big scheme of things.

anyway because it was all self organised being a marquee they didn’t have enough glassss or enough water, and there was nowhere to get any. it was a boiling hot day and THAT was the messiest wedding I’ve ever been too, everyone was trollied due to nothing else to drink in the heat.

my own free bar wedding wasn’t messy- I never really understand that as unless you can’t actually afford to buy drinks why would you be so thrilled with free drinks that you go nuts?! Maybe they’re right arses who love not paying or something.

We paid our £1500 up front with an understanding that we would settle any difference after the fact. In the end the total bar bill was £1536 and they let the £36 slide