AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

Agree. The only one I remember I had attended as a child, so did not get to enjoy it so much. It was the daughter of a close family friend (I called him uncle) and he was a multimillionaire.

He paid for the bar, and gave my brother and I £50 notes each (as he did most times we saw him!). Sadly for him it was a vegan wedding (he is not vegan and had paid for it) and most of the food was left. This was mid 90s and vegan food has come along way since then.

My dad felt exactly the same - they contributed but didn’t pay for the whole shebang. We had friends of his from childhood there and family obviously and he viewed himself quite traditionally as a cohost. He would have found is highly embarrassing to have had guests pay for drinks at an event we were hosting.

Yes drinks tokens are a good idea particularly if someone is just an evening guest!

I've been to dozens of weddings across many decades and have never been at one where there was a free bar. After reading about them on here I remember asking about in lots of different places and groups of people over a period of weeks and month, and I never met anyone who had been to a wedding with a free bar either.
This is in UK. I am aware there are different traditions in USA, and that royalty and the aristocracy presumably have different traditions from the overwhelming majority of us.

A glass of something fizzy after the service, half a bottle of wine each, and a couple of glasses of fizz for the toast.
Absolutely would not expect a free bar.

You should of course get a round in for anyone who has travelled from very far away (abroad or similar) and the DJ.

I agree. My parents paid for our wedding and they would have been mortified at the very idea of expecting invited guests to pay for their drinks. I am with them.

I think it’s rude to invite people to a party (which will inevitably already be costing them a fortune) and asking them to pay for drinks

Most weddings I've been to have not had a free bar. I've been to weddings where we've been given a token for one or two free drinks though.

We did have one as Mum kindly offered to pay for it as she felt strongly about it. It excluded spirits and cocktails.

My friends are not big drinkers and it worked out really well. I'm glad we could offer it. We actually underspent the cost limit we'd set for it.

You're already presumably spending out a lot of money for other people to join you (other drinks/food/venue etc). Hope you have a brilliant day!

@Acg1991 yes cause it’s YOUR wedding. You aren’t doing people a favour by having it🤣

You could look at the other way. Many guests will have spent money to attend your wedding. Clothes, a gift, travel and accomodation etc. all add up.

The least you can do is provide them with a few free drinks.

I agree, maybe against the norm, I’m at the age where every weekend in summer is taken up by a wedding or hen/stag do and the majority of weddings I’ve attended have been a free bar or at least free flowing wine/beer/champagne/1 choice of cocktail for example.

The weddings I’ve been to without a free bar usually have the bride or groom saying how they don’t want to pay for people to get drunk. They usually expect a present though, attendance at the stag/hen, staying overnight at the wedding venue so everyone can stay till the bitter end and are annoyed when no one dances as most people only loosen up after a few drinks.

At the very least, a set amount behind the bar for wine/beer/soft drinjs only is a very nice gesture when people have no doubt paid a small fortune to be there.

Nearly all the weddings I have attended have a free bar for at least the first few hours. Sometimes at 9 or 10pm this switches to a pay bar.

That being said, I went to a wedding last week with a pay bar. Only wine with dinner and prosecco for toasts was included. I didn't think anything of it. I don't expect hard up young people to be able to pay for everything. And it meant I could order the more expensive drinks that I prefer without feeling guilty.

We did a free bar, but that was after champagne, and wine with dinner, so people didn't spend that much! It was only about £700 or something.

That being said, I wouldn't expect it at a wedding, but it's nice if there's quite a lot of pre-drinks/wine available.

We did an open bar and we did a deal with the venue and they were fairly reasonable. We picked 6 spirits and a number of bottles that vould be used for each. If we reached that the manager would let us know to decide if we get more however we never got to that. Our guests were extremely happy with the open bar part. We said no cocktails though cause those required special bartenders and were extra. I just thought to share what it was like for us.

I don't think people expect it nowadays, a couple of free glasses of wine would be expected I believe. Some venues might allow you to bring your own bottles of wine that you could place on each table which would be more affordable than an open bar.

Every wedding I've attended has had a free bar, including my own! We actually provided our own bar....beer, wine, champagne, 3 liquors (whiskey, gin and vodka) and mixers. Cheaper than you'd think.

I work at a wedding venue & whenever there is a free bar wedding everyone drinks far too much, keep ordering & wasting drinks as they leave them everywhere & sometimes vomit too. A drink after ceremony, wine with dinner (usually half bottle per person) & glass of fizz for the speeches is plenty.

Not only would I not expect a free bar, I would also normally buy the bride and groom a drink rather than expect them to pay for all my drinks!
You're already presumably spending out a lot of money for other people to join you (other drinks/food/venue etc). Hope you have a brilliant day!

That's great! But too often humans feel they need to compete with other humans, at least to the extent that they don't want to do things that are obviously inferior. Presumably that's why the OP wanted to know about other people's experiences - so that she could compare what she had planned with other weddings people had been to?

Wouldn't expect it-a welcome drink, toast drink, and one meal and evening drink is enough.

my wedding had tea, coffee, juice on arrival. Wine and champagne for the meal and toast. There was an evening cocktail reception with each person allocated one cocktail each. A choice of three different cocktails, they were also non-alcoholic and meant everyone could enjoy a fancy drink, we had pregnant guests and guests that had to drive. The bar was open for those wanting to purchase more drinks.

Sounds like a lovely wedding from what you've said, and you sound like considerate hosts.

If you still have any lingering doubts then maybe have a cash bar but assign a budget - hundreds, not thousands - so you and your new spouse can buy drinks for people during the evening quite freely without worrying about the cost? In practice you may well find that people are keen to buy drinks for you too.

But they’re not competing with anyone, they’re just planning and enjoying the day they want with their guests

We had a free bar as did most of my DH’s friends. Most of my friends and family didn’t have free bars at their weddings.