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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have I done the right thing? 😪

33 replies

Oooootheclaw · 14/08/2026 07:17

After 14 years of allowing myself to be emotionally abused /gas lit and having to settle for the bare minimum from my now ex DP i finally got the courage to ask him to leave yesterday- it wasn't an easy decision for me to make but I feel it was for the best as I did not want our 3 DC to have to be subjected to any more arguments or listening to me be constantly criticised and blamed for everything (yes i know I should have done it sooner but its been so bloody tough) along with walking on egg shells as his moods were so unpredictable

He told the children i have kicked him out and now they are, understandably, very upset (they are 5,8 and 9 for context) he wants to discuss contact directly via the DC (they have a spare phone which is used for face timing family on occassion)

I feel bloody awful, my youngest said to me this morning he wants his DF back and for me to leave - i am really now questioning if I have made the right decision 😪

Has anyone else experienced similar ?

OP posts:
fuckeditupbadly · 14/08/2026 08:39

You absolutely have and will need to be strong, calm and mature for your children. No mud slinging, no matter the provocation. You can tell them they will still have their dad, but it might take a little while to set up a regular pattern, which you and daddy will decide. That's it. Good luck with it all, and well done for being brave enough to take this step.

Katykaty11 · 14/08/2026 08:34

You are doing the right thing for your children and yourself. It's day one of a new and better life. The children are young and don't understand but try not to doubt yourself. Get any support you can. You have taken the hardest step - keep going.

ThatWasGreek · 14/08/2026 08:32

You have absolutely definitely dome the right thing. Both for you and for your children.

You even say that you should have done it sooner! That’s how sure you are yourself that you have done the right thing.

Tell your children that you love them and their dad loves them and that they will see lots of their dad. That might not turn out to be the case but that’s not under your control.

Try to keep things as normal as possible over the next few days and check in with them individually and as a group.

Five year olds can’t decide what’s best for themselves. Does he choose his own school or which car the family should buy? No, because he’s an infant. He can choose which ice lollies to buy and which story he wants at bedtime. Children do want things to be the same as they have always been.

Make sure you get support for you as well, don’t be on your own with all of this.

Dermatologically · 14/08/2026 08:26

They are way, way too young to discuss contact directly with their father. Absolutely do not let that happen! Make sure if they're speaking to him on the phone you're present.

DishingTheDirt · 14/08/2026 08:23

Well done. That took an immense amount of courage .
Your dcs are far too to young to understand the situation. You are their protector. When they are older they will understand.
Dcs adjust quite quickly. It's good in a way that they don't realise what has been happening.
Never forget that you have done this for them as well as for yourself.

Garfieldloveslasagnepie · 14/08/2026 08:12

Just tell ref kids you didn’t kick him
out. My neighbours ex did this and kids really threw it back at her. Explain that you and Daddy aren’t good friends anymore so can’t keep living together.

Original poster
Oooootheclaw · 14/08/2026 07:42

Goodadvice1980 · 14/08/2026 07:30

YANBU OP.

Be firm from the start about any parental alienation. Your youngest was probably told to say that to you.

You’ve told him to go, don’t backtrack on that. Maybe speak to Womens Aid for advice about co-parenting. Make sure you claim child support and grey rock any tantrums from your ex.

I have no intention of letting him back now he has gone, i am just so sad for the DC 😪

I was feeling so empowered and proud of myself yesterday that I had finally been able to ask him to leave and now i just feel guilty , I have even got a locksmith coming at 9am so the locks can be changed 😪

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 14/08/2026 07:30

YANBU OP.

Be firm from the start about any parental alienation. Your youngest was probably told to say that to you.

You’ve told him to go, don’t backtrack on that. Maybe speak to Womens Aid for advice about co-parenting. Make sure you claim child support and grey rock any tantrums from your ex.