Asked DP to leave over A-Levels comment to my DS

For me it depends how it was said and his general manner.
If he’s the sort of man who would never speak like that or hold those sort of views; then it’s quite funny.
If he’s actually meant it, then it’s more problematic.

Really?

You actually think it's OK your DP not only refers to women as tarts but is teaching your DS that this is acceptable.
And also encouraging him to think that the way to deal with disappointment is to get bevied.

If your DS thought you over reacted you should be worried that he has probably already spent too much time in this man's company and is taking on similar views.

Regardless of DS opinion, I wouldn’t be with any man who called women tarts.

And I don't think you over-reacted. Your P turns out to be a misogynistic knob.

I’ve lost count of how many women I’ve told to go and use a man for sex.

Most people have used the phrase: the best way to get over a man, is to get underneath one.

I think it’s quite common to suggest having a one night stand.

I don’t think it makes someone a bad person or an indication of how they view the opposite sex.

Yes you overreacted.

If he had said go out and enjoy yourself then I think you would be overreacting but ‘find yourself a tart’ would make me chuck him out. He sounds like an idiot.

There's no way I'd be with a man who referred to women as "tarts" in such a derogatory way, and imply that they can be used to help a man get over his problems. Yuk. And you shouldn't want that kind of person spending time with and influencing your son.

Away, he needs to go far away.

I think listen to DS on this one.

The bigger issue is, why have you been crying all day about DS’s results, you are not modelling great behaviours either.

This

Exactly this!!!

It’s gone from DS being upset about his grades to now his mum splitting up with her DP.

He needs support right now, not extra stress.

I always remember my bad news would make my parents argue and not only would it completely take away from my bad news and sympathy but it also would make me dread getting any sort of bad news or feeling unwell etc as I knew how it would end.

Lightening the mood by using a derogatory term for a woman- how amusing.

Would he often refer to women like that?

It’s not about how he was treating your son that would bother me so much as he didn’t really do anything wrong. 2 years isn’t long if you don’t
live together and he probably felt a bit awkward and didn’t know what to say. But his comment is 🤮 and not a good example to set your son. I mean, it doesn’t even make sense (like women in 2026 are just waiting for a sad 18 year old to pop up and say ‘drop your knickers love.’ 😂 It’s grim. If he had immediately said ‘sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it’s not even a word I would use.’ Then I would
have probably let it go. Get some sleep and see how you feel tomorrow. It’s not the end of the world for your son even though it feels like it right now, this is tiny in the grand scheme of life and totally fixable / changeable.

You DS should have been offended. The fact that he wasn't doesn't reflect well on him. Would you doubt yourself if this comment was made about your (hypothetical) daughter? I should hope not.
The circumstances are largely irrelevant. It's the misogyny at the core of the comment that I find objectionable and wouldn't wanty child to perceived that this is "just a joke" and nothing to worry about.

YABU

He didn’t offer DS any consolation as he likely didn’t want to bring it up or make home feel worse.

Then he tried to encourage him to go out with his mates and lighten the mood by making an immature comment (probably trying to be boyish and banter with him).

It’s actually lovely to read about a mother putting their child first on here because usually the women on these threads put their partners above their kids, so well done you.
It’s actually made my day because you’re obviously a very good mum.

But I do think you took a lighthearted joke, intended to cheer DS up, way too serious.

What a cock. Bin him.

Misogynistic disrespect of women should be called out on every occasion .well done done op - and don’t back down.I would reconsider your relationship with your partner.On the other hand I do think he was trying to be helpful .

Go use a woman…that’s what he said. Go consume a woman to make yourself feel better. He absolutely sees women as objects. You did not overreact.

A nice local tart? Is he actually for real, you absolutely did the right thing.

@Naurrr I wouldn't be attracted to the type of man who calls women 'tarts'.

Bear in mind though that men hold such women in high regard!

your Son is feeling bad enough over his grades, don't add his mum and partner arguing to his stress and guilt. It's just exams, your Son will be fine, he can re sit or decide to do something else. Your partner was trying to be matey, even though it was not justified, but am sure he will see the error of his ways.

I could never ever be with someone who described a woman as a tart, whether in jest or otherwise. Misogyny lies beneath such language, however much he denies it.

Yuk 🤮 I can't imagine my DH ever referring to any woman in that way but if he did, I'd never look at him in the same way again! The fact that he said it to your 18 year old son makes it even worse!

On a practical level, has your son looked for other courses through clearing? My youngest didn't get the grades he wanted but managed to get on a similar course at the Uni he wanted and had a great time. Reassure your son that he still has options 💐