AIBU to tell mum about her daughter’s texting and voice note behaviour?

55 replies

walker1211 · 13/08/2026 21:53

I am really struggling to decide what to do in a situation.

My DD has had a friend since early years, her mum I’ve also known quite well. She has always been a nice little girl, but did always have something to prove. In y7, she has completely turned into just a really unkind, attention seeking almost caricature of a mean girl. This is affected my own DD in that she likes to cause drama and other people involved in the drama and turn people against each other, which she did to my Db including sending her non stop messages one day with random allegations ‘like I heard you said x to this person, why did you do that’ etc etc why are you lying etc and despite my daughter asking her to stop messaging her, she just didn’t stop so we blocked her. I also found out, things she has sent to other people in the year, including voice messages, where she’s shouting f off to people and saying that she wants them to go away etc. just really unkind and targeted behiour. Also heard about really bad behaviour in the classroom and again almost silly levels of back chat.

her mum was fairly strict previously and I am sure she has no idea what’s going on and I actually feel concerned about this girls behaviour HOWEVER I feel really lost with senior school and what is normal and not especially with y7/8 girls. I feel a lot of advice at this stage seems to be not to get involved, but I feel really I should tell the mum the behaviour I am seeing? My daughter is also pretty well behaved and tells me everything which I know (from my own experience of being 12) is probably quite unusual!

is this normal levels of behaviour?

OP posts:

Createausername1970 · 13/08/2026 22:15

I am in two minds about this. As the mum of a nightmare teen, I wanted to know initially. After a while I didn't want to know, I just wanted to bury my head and let it wash over me.

But, if you have previously had a good relationship with her, you could tread the middle ground and approach her and ask if everything is OK, as your daughter has mentioned that there has been some friction between your daughter and her daughter.

You don't have to go into too much detail unless she is receptive. There maybe something going on at home and she might be glad of the opportunity to talk to someone else about it.

If she isn't receptive, then smile nicely, say you must have misunderstood and back away.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 13/08/2026 22:10

This is why its madness to give children that young phones.

AmberLime · 13/08/2026 22:06

The Mum will know. Nothing good will come from you telling her this. Nothing.

There's a lot of research into helping teen girls work through friendship/peer group issues. Im a DSL and lead pastoral care in a secondary school - there is a lot of evidence-based training for pastoral staff on this issue - because it takes up so much time. Especially in Y7 and Y8. Would you like the spoiler? The bottom line is - facilitate and support the girls to work though their own issues, don't take over.

Important thing you remember is that you are only hearing one side of this issue. You should still 100% support your daughter. But you need to keep in mind that this girl will 100% certainly have a different narrative to explain the same situation. Her narrative may well paint your daughter badly and that shes done nothing wrong. Just like you are hearing. So its reasonable that her Mum will support her.

Help your daughter to understand she can only control her own behaviour, not the behaviour or others.

Octavia64 · 13/08/2026 22:05

Don’t raise it with mum

never ends well.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/08/2026 21:57

How well do you know the mum, are you friends? And have you raised with the school already?

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