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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my toddler should have had a snack in 4 1/2 visit to grandparents?

61 replies

Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 21:45

DMum and Ddad not giving toddler snacks during a visit with them?
Not the biggest issues, but it's been sitting with me so just wanted some views.

DM and DP had my Ds at there home from 1030 until 2.30. ( we left my home at 1015) They don't regularly have him at home but wanted to spend sometime with him and I used the opportunity to get hair cut.

When I dropped him off I said that he would want some crakers and cheese and some fruit as a snack and DM told went through what she was planning do have for lunch. He had some biscuit snack in his bag. I thought that lunch would be at a normal time around 1pm ish.
When I came back at 2.30 mum was just dishing up lunch and said he hadn't had any food until then. TBF he was fine just very hungry and did a hungry caterpillar impression, DS ate cheese, ham, a bit of quiche, and a big bowl of fruit amd then some ice cream with DM.

So no harm done but wouldn't most people give a toddler at least a snack in a 4 1/2 hours!

Backstory- my mum has a very odd thing with meals so I spent alot of time as a kid being hungry because she wasn't hungry so how could anyone else be! She one of those people that will eat a late b/fast cause she can't eat first thing in the morning then cant possibly eat lunch a 1.30 as has just had breakfast. Even planned pub lunch she says she's not hungry lets go for a walk first and then we get into pub and the kitchen is about to close!
So I know I should have handed over the meal time more clearly to her and it was a communication error on my side.
I guess I'm annoyed that she couldn't at least consider the almost 3 years old have regular snacks and 'normal meal times'.

OP posts:
luckylavender · 14/08/2026 20:40

As a general rule I think children snack far too often

UniquePinkSwan · 14/08/2026 20:34

No one needs snacks, including kids

Craftycariad · 14/08/2026 20:07

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/08/2026 19:59

@Craftycariad The dc was not given lunch until 2.30. That’s late for most toddlers and it’s never that late at nursery. Op just wanted him to have food really! I’d not give him a snack but I’d give him lunch much earlier in consultation with mum.

Kids don't need to eat to a clock though do they really, if the toddler had been hungry then the gp would have had a very upset child on their hands. They admitted the child eat all their meal when they had it. Making such a fuss about food is why people developed issues with food

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/08/2026 19:59

@Craftycariad The dc was not given lunch until 2.30. That’s late for most toddlers and it’s never that late at nursery. Op just wanted him to have food really! I’d not give him a snack but I’d give him lunch much earlier in consultation with mum.

Craftycariad · 14/08/2026 18:36

PollyBell · 13/08/2026 22:02

I don't see why she did was wrong kids these days always seem to be forever snacking yes I am showing my age but we didn't have this much growing up

I agree my kids are meals at meal times, they never had snacks for. A start I couldn't afford to give them snacks between meals. They had their breakfast then lunch with something swéet afterwards an apple or grapes or a satsuma . Then evening meal with a proper pudding. As adults they still don't snack between meals, not soon sure why it seems to be a thing these days .

Comeondoreen · 14/08/2026 00:14

My 3 and 5 year olds don’t snack, never have. Lunch at 2:30pm would not be unusual for us.

Was your child hungry? That would make me sad, if my child was very hungry and being made to wait. But personally my children simply wouldn’t get particularly hungry in that time frame.

minipie · 14/08/2026 00:07

Oh this sort of thing happened with my mum too when DC were young
Apparently me expecting them to have eaten lunch by 2.30 or dinner by 7 was me being rigid about routine…

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/08/2026 00:01

@Sailawaygirl I’m over 70 but I know a toddler needs lunch at lunchtime. Most nursery/school routines are built around lunchtime at 12.30 ish. I’m not that geriatric and neither are they. Just tell them what his routine is. I just gave dm a timetable and she had water available. I somewhat assumed your DM might be houseproud! If she won’t get lunch at lunchtime, big breakfast and take cheese and fruit - if she will give it to him. Also do teach him to ask!

Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 23:57

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 13/08/2026 23:47

I don't want to derail here, but a cupboard full of instant snack foods isn't a great habit to get into either, especially with a toddler.

I know how tempting it can be to keep them happy and quiet with something to gnaw on but it's not great for their long term health.

Show quote history

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OP posts:
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 13/08/2026 23:47

Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 22:31

This actually brings me so much comfort reading you had this too!! My mum is 'cook from scratch person' so cubbards had lots of ingredients but no 'instant snack foods'. Amd the disparity between her cooking big meals for dinner parties and cakes for everyone on the street vs wanting lunch at the weekend seems so odd. I'm sorry there was also no food in house for you, I know my mum was brought up in some poverty so maybe it was a way for her to excuse not having enough food and then it suck as a habit?

Show quote history

I don't want to derail here, but a cupboard full of instant snack foods isn't a great habit to get into either, especially with a toddler.

I know how tempting it can be to keep them happy and quiet with something to gnaw on but it's not great for their long term health.

Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 23:00

Gardenisablooming · 13/08/2026 22:51

Make sure your dc doesn't have food issues from listening to dgm.
Lunch is at lunchtime not waiting til half bloody 2 because dgm says so.

  • and its drawer! Likely dm will be horrified at that also! I had a period of anorexia and malnutrition-learned behaviour from dm.

I am laughing at darw / drawer ( I'm so dyslexic!)
But it's sad how these comments from our DMs can so easily trigger or exacerbate eating disorders. I've not suffered from one, but I can easily understand how food comments make people vulnerable. I try and be as mindful as possible and show a healthy food relationship.

OP posts:
DedododoDedadada · 13/08/2026 22:55

I might might have expected an earlier lunch but not a snack as I would expect a snack before arriving and after.

Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 22:52

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 13/08/2026 22:39

Why not just say he needs a meal at x time and surely she will do that? He didn’t need a snack, he needed lunch! How odd she didn’t offer food. Is it because he would make a mess?

No he makes minimal mess ! And very well on his little chair! They accept some mess comes with toddlers. He did have a plastic mat under the table when he was a baby and in the throwing food stage , but they haven't used that for ages.
He didn't have much to drink either and was glugging it down at the 2.30 lunch! And was really thirsty after his napp.
I guess I'm so used to thinking and remembering and prompting about toddler food, snacks and drinks they are not.
And maybe it is a generation thing as well.

OP posts:
Gardenisablooming · 13/08/2026 22:51

Make sure your dc doesn't have food issues from listening to dgm.
Lunch is at lunchtime not waiting til half bloody 2 because dgm says so.

  • and its drawer! Likely dm will be horrified at that also! I had a period of anorexia and malnutrition-learned behaviour from dm.
Itsme20 · 13/08/2026 22:40

Same here. We had no food in the house we also went hungry, always had the bare minimum ingredients and no crisps juice nothing like that. We used to eat peanut butter with a spoon if there was any in the cupboard, my dad used to go mad at us for doing that. I can remember as a child eating a raw sausage out the fridge!!

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 13/08/2026 22:39

Why not just say he needs a meal at x time and surely she will do that? He didn’t need a snack, he needed lunch! How odd she didn’t offer food. Is it because he would make a mess?

Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 22:35

I will definitely tell DS what snacks he has and put them in his lunch bag so he can get them out next time, so he is not relying on being asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 22:31

AvidMauveCrab · 13/08/2026 22:24

Ideally he should have been fed earlier but I totally get the thing about your Mum not feeding you (and now your child) because she’s not hungry. This was my whole childhood too. I was only speaking about this with my siblings the other day. We would ask for food and would be told no, we couldn’t possibly be hungry because she wasn’t. There was never any food in the house as we were poor (that’s another story) so we couldn’t just easily help ourselves, plus she’d have gone mad if we did!

This actually brings me so much comfort reading you had this too!! My mum is 'cook from scratch person' so cubbards had lots of ingredients but no 'instant snack foods'. Amd the disparity between her cooking big meals for dinner parties and cakes for everyone on the street vs wanting lunch at the weekend seems so odd. I'm sorry there was also no food in house for you, I know my mum was brought up in some poverty so maybe it was a way for her to excuse not having enough food and then it suck as a habit?

OP posts:
IWasTangoed · 13/08/2026 22:29

My dc's grandparents are similar and I always provide a lunch box of snacks, put them in his bag, and tell him and them where the snacks are. He usually retrieves his own lunch box and can eat from there. He's also very vocal about being hungry, so grandparent would have to be really negligent to ignore the request.

You could try the same - grandma will have to just suck it up as not feeding a child when they are hungry is just mean.

Tryagain26 · 13/08/2026 22:28

I'm surprised he didn't say he was hungry or get very grumpy. It's a long time for toddler to go without food.

AvidMauveCrab · 13/08/2026 22:24

Ideally he should have been fed earlier but I totally get the thing about your Mum not feeding you (and now your child) because she’s not hungry. This was my whole childhood too. I was only speaking about this with my siblings the other day. We would ask for food and would be told no, we couldn’t possibly be hungry because she wasn’t. There was never any food in the house as we were poor (that’s another story) so we couldn’t just easily help ourselves, plus she’d have gone mad if we did!

wishfulthinking25 · 13/08/2026 22:23

Yeah I mean he’ll live. Either tell them lunch is at X time or don’t leave him with them if you know she’s like this. But 4.5hrs for a haircut, really?

Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 13/08/2026 22:17

Thank you for being kind so far!
To answer some questions..
Mum would be really offended if I brought a packed lunch for him.. she's almost a hyacinth bucket character so lunch when it arrives was a semi formal, sit at dining table with the posh cutlery and homemade quiche and salad spread ( which is absolutely lovely even if slightly over kill in opinion but DM thinks I'm a slob for not having cake forks in my draw).
Ds is very chatty but also very active and not able to quite reflect on how he is feeling yet so does say if he is hungry although he does ask for a drink if he is quiet but most of the time he has to see his drink or some food to know he wants it.
And yes I did end up with a very tried, late napping toddler! Although as it was so hot he wouldn't have napped in his bed anyway and he fell asleep in the car on the home very quickly.
I guess I know that when he either goes very bouncy or grumpy he is hungry, I have tried to explain his hungry cues to DM but I will be more explicit in the future.
he is 2 and 8 months old amd doesn't use his baby signing anymore appart from signing please and thank you

OP posts:
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 13/08/2026 22:15

I'm sure the toddler would have let her know, loud and clear, if he was really hungry.

Sounds like they were both busy having fun together and didn't notice the time.

JustGiveMeReason · 13/08/2026 22:12

I would expect most people to feed a toddler lunch at around 12 / 12.30 / or 1pm at the latest BUT I voted YABU as you know your Mum isn't 'most people' and has unusual habits around when she eats lunch, so I would have made it really clear if I were leaving them for that long that they needed to eat by X time, and I would probably have sent a picnic lunch with them.