AIBU to report a racist and abusive date to his employer?

I am so sorry this happened, definitely report him to the Police and his employer! His behaviour was absolutely disgusting! Look after yourself lovely x

This is a 101 police matter

What an awful experience and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

If you report his behaviour to his employer someone in authority might have a word with him about his behaviour and why it's not on. However I would wait a week or two and then do it to take the heat out of the situation.

I would log it with 101 for sure & would also notify his work place.
hes using/abusing the work phone (with business logo/details) to abuse & intimidate you.
as an employer I’d want to know what kind of people I have working for me & whether they’re representative of my business & team.
he sounds unhinged, he could quite easily behave this way with colleagues/clients future dates etc.
im sorry this happened to you, its horrid x

So sorry this happened to you. And tricky re you having a unique name. I think I would report and keep my LinkedIn profile private to contacts in not connected to if that’s an option? Ie hide your employer? Especially if you have to go into an office.

💯 report this to the police. Until you said work phone I thought there's very little an employer would do but I would strongly consider it also.

What a bellend @freezeframe , sorry you had this experience. I’d suggest reporting to police but they’re often pretty useless so I’d consider reporting to his employer as well, especially if he’s in a regulated profession or position of trust (you may not know). However if an employee at my place of work did that we’d be looking at disciplinary at least for use of company tech/reputational damage, and we’re not a regulated profession. You could also consider putting it on socials - even from an anonymous account.

People like him continue until they face consequences. You shouldn’t have to be scared and no-one else should be under any illusions about him either.

I would report him to the police and his work place. For you, for future women.
He's just vile and the way he spoke to you on a very first date, pretty much immediately tells me this isn't the first time.

Am so so sorry this happened to you. Men like that need to drop off the face of the earth.

Edited, if my other half had sent something like this on his work computer/phone, he'd be sacked.

If he sent an abusive message on a work device then that is definitely a disciplinary matter. His employer would be interested even if not a company device as outside work can have reputational implications for them. We allow too many to behave badly with no consequences. YANBU.

Some employees are required to uphold a high standard of behaviour both in and out of work (including on their online presence).

Police first

employer second

and then you can tell them he is being investigated by police for a racial hate crime and harassment. they might not do much but you will have taken back some power over him. At the moment you feel he had the power to abuse you and won.

I think the right thing to do is report

but i probably wouldnt out of fear of repercussions

did you meet on a dating app? Report there too

I'm so sorry you've had this piece of shit give you so much nastiness.

I'd take it to the Police because he sounds like he's got form.

Then I may approach his employers depending on what the Police say.

What an awful experience.

If this is his work phone and he works for an even halfway decent company then he’ll absolutely be in the shit and rightly so. We weren’t even allowed to swear on our work emails etc never mind hurling racist abuse.
Sorry this happened to you OP. 1 of my best friends is the same ethnic mix as you and she’s dealt with her fair share of fetishising and racism.

I’m a teacher and I would lose my job over something like this.
Absolutely report him.
I hope you are ok.

I would take it to the police.

But I have to admit that I would be a bit scared to go to his employer. He already sounds like a psycho, I wouldn’t want to think about how much more horrible he’d become if he gets sacked because of what he’s said.

My employer has a code of conduct detailing how work phones/laptops etc are used. This would DEFINITELY breach it. What an idiot.

Please contact the police, and I'm sorry you're having to even think about this.

I'd also worry he'd take revenge on you OP, . I'm sorry.

What a fucking creep, I’m sorry OP. As former HR, I know they can absolutely do something if you report it (and it’s baked into most contracts for this reason). Please please also report to the police!

Yes OP report him

He is a danger to others

His employer needs to know , as presumably he doesn’t work in isolation and is therefore a danger to the others he works with.

Report to the police also. It could help future (or past) victims if a case against him needs building.

sorry this happened to you OP 😢

Be strong 💪

Are you for real?He's used a work phone to racially abuse and harass someone.

Of course they'll do something. My employer would sack him immediately.

@freezeframe just wanted to add that I am so sorry this has happened to you. I am Asian, and know what it’s like to be fetishised by these sorts of disgusting creeps. It’s completely de-humanising, not to mention frightening. Take care, and do what you need to do to keep safe x

Check your contract. I think you’ll find it likely has a clause that allows them to fire you for this. Most UK employment contracts allow companies to fire people for gross misconduct which racist behaviour and harassment often falls under. Or it could say:

• “Conduct outside work that brings the organisation into disrepute”
• “Behaviour inconsistent with company values”
• “Harassment or discriminatory behaviour”

What a horrible experience. Nasty little man. I would definitely report him to his employer for bringing the company into disrepute and also the police for racism and threats. Do you have good people around you?