AIBU to report a racist and abusive date to his employer?

so you think racially and sexually harassing a woman who didn’t want to see you again, then using your work phone to do the same once she had blocked him is acceptable?
the ethics and conduct policy I must adhere to would definitely class his behaviour as gross misconduct
every organisation I’ve worked for is really hardcore on this sort of reputational damage potential

I believe that poster meant she’d not want to get him fired because he seems so dangerous.

Obviously going to his employer is going to antagonise him and I’m not sure that’s the best advice to give.

I think OP should start with reporting to the dating site and police and asking their advice on reporting to his workplace.

I’d consider a Claire’s law request first to see if he has a history and then report to the police - as it’s likely it may get taken more seriously then?

If you feel he’s committed a criminal offence and you want that addressing then contact the police and hand the matter over to them.

To even consider contacting his employer is a really scummy thing to do. I’d be embarrassed to suggest such a thing. Jobs that require DBS clearance etc will soon find out if he receives a criminal record anyway. Anything else really isn’t your concern.

Think this though, if the police decide there has been no criminal offence committed, why do you think you suddenly become the moral authority? If you contact his employer your only intention for doing so is for him to lose his job. If that happens are you going to contact his next employer too? You will soon be charged with harassment and rightly so.

If you only intend to contact his current employer then that shows you to be vindictive and inconsistent which isn’t a good look.

I’m not defending his actions but there is a right and wrong way to deal with matters.

This needs to be reported to the police. It’s a police matter.

Careful is right. But if women keep quiet because of fear, men will keep being violent, aggressive and threatening towards us. Im
not saying she should report. It has to be her choice. But abuse thrives in secrecy. Shining a light on it has the best chance of eradicating it.

I am surprised you don’t think it sounds that bad. I see it differently.

At best he is reassuring her that he won’t r**e her. That means he sees it as a possibility. Which means may be if she had a different racial profile he might.

That in itself is enough to report to the police.

He is also guilty of racism. And of harassment.

He needs to be reported. May be he is already a serial R**t of women of certain ethnicity or may be he is testing the water. See how far he can go and is on the beginning of his journey as a criminal. Either way the police need his name in their system.

I am so sorry. That is awful. I hope you managed to get some sleep. So frightening. I’m so angry on your behalf.

Im really sorry to be blunt, but it sounds like he is saying that if you had a different racial profile he would r**e you. That is extremely scary. Even if it’s him saying the words but wouldn’t follow through on that, the fact that he feels able to say it, is frightening and threatening.

I am really sorry, but I think you need to take this to the police.

Also speak to a domestic violence charity to think through how to keep your self as safe as possible. And tell people you trust in real life, especially those who can be around quickly.

You might feel some post trauma stress. Look after your physical body as best you can. Eat regularly and keep drinking. Watch soothing things.

sending you love and strength.

Firstly depends on what he does for a living, secondly the fact that he uses his work phone is definitely inappropriate and against company policy. Even if he deletes it they still have access to the messages. Sone industries e.g. banking have regulatory requirements to retain every communication from the official phones for a set duration of time eg 3 years.

It's not guaranteed that they will do anything but I would still report it. He's a misogynistic jerk.

I’d be DELIGHTED by the thought he could lose his job over this. He deserves it.

OP you must report him both to his employer and the police, and do leave his number unblocked to give him the chance to send more messages and dig himself into a deeper hole.

It's possible he's seen your linkedin or could possibly find out your workplace as you said bc of your name/industry. I would proceed carefully and think twice about reporting. Anyway to verify his workplace/employer before you decide to report or not?

It would absolutely be enough to be considered gross misconduct where i work. Particularly off a work phone.

When you report it to the employer, make sure you include whatever evidence you've got that he was using his work phone to send the messages.

Report him every where. The reason he deleted his message was that he realised he fucked up and that you could take him down professionally, so he knows what he messaged to you was wrong.

Go for it.

Work, police, the works.

You have the power to save the next woman from this fucking freak.

Eh? Report him to his employer for going on a date that ended badly? What a bizarre overreaction to a man being a creep. I mean, give it a go if you like, I guarantee nothing - and I do mean absolutely nothing - will happen.

Edit to add - sorry I see you have a screenshot of him actually threatening assault. In that case I'd go to the police. Apologies for not reading properly.

If he works in a public facing post, there's plenty that his employer can do.

I normally would say leave it, but this is really disturbing. I'd feel duty bound to say something. This is abnormal behaviour. I'm so sorry, OP.

Police report first, if you’re up to it. No judgement if you’re not tho. Be kind to yourself for a few days. He’s clearly an abusive bastard and I’m glad that you got away safely tonight.

Well that would be a pretty insane response to a bad date

OP wrote:

He said (from his work phone) that he 'wouldn't rape me' and reiterated that I was 'safe' (which is what he said in the bar).

I think that ought to be drawn to the police's attention. And given it is from his work phone, perhaps his employers would like to be aware.

Of course you report him to his job. Look at all the tiktok accounts calling out these vile men. Sorry this happened to you pet. Ring them tomorrow. I reported someone only 3 weeks ago x

This!

Agree - is it illegal or just being an arsehole. Unfortunately we'd have a very low workforce in this country if we sacked everyone for being an arsehole.

If he texted that from a work phone absolutely report him.

I’m so sorry you had to deal with such a massive pr1ck.

It is their business if he’s in uniform in his profile photo and it’s a work phone.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape. The fact he deleted the message means he's probably panicking and/or wishes he hadn't written it.

I'm often very pro outing people for certain behaviour but if he's a complete scumbag then his employer will find out in their own time. Only time I'd consider it is if they worked in emergency services or teacher etc. You may find yourself having to be more involved if you bring his work into it as they may want you to do various things on record. Id probably just want to forget it and warn other women about him.

So sorry, OP. What a horrible experience for you.
My feeling is yes, go to the police and the employer. If one of my colleagues sent these messages from a work phone they'd be subjected to immediate disciplinary proceedings.
But stay safe too. The police may be able to advise.
💐