Should we sleep separately so children can have separate rooms?

Why not take the girls separately? Two nights with one, then two nights with the other. Means Dad gets more time with them and it sounds like the non autistic DSD would get a break from being attacked which could be win win.

That would make the girls feel like guests not family, and changing each week would be hard for the autistic girl.

This.

plus… don’t make your child a second class citizen in his only home. I understand about the autism situation but you can get one of the girls in the sofabed of a partition is not possible, they are only there a few days a week after all, while the rest of you are there all the time.

The mum can wind her neck down. You are nice to consider that but it is a sad reality that there are no winners in divorce, the ex cannot continue to call the shots on how your ex and his family organise themselves. As long as you are considering their needs as much as everyone else’s you are doing your bit.

Room divider, absolutely reasonable. His ex is within her rights to express concern for her girls, but no right to suggest ridiculous solutions.
My sister and I shared a room until she left for uni, and there 5 years between us, people live to their means, simple as that. If my parents had done a room divider, we’d have been ecstatic. Have them involved in how it will look and let them decorate their own bit, they’ll get excited by it.

I would have your DS share with eldest sister. The seven year old can have the smaller room to herself. This is better for your DS anyway as he'll have more space on the five days a week his sister isn't there.

Or I would partition the big room into two so they each have their own space. You'll need to do this long-term anyway I would have thought.

I wouldn't give up your bed for them, it seems completely unnecessary!

I would speak to the sisters individually about this and see what they say and what they would prefer.

If the sisters do wish to sleep in separate rooms, then one could sleep on the sofa bed you mentioned getting (rather than you having to give up your bedroom).

In normal circumstances the girls would be fine to share, but it sounds like hell for the elder girl.

I'd be looking into a decent divider for the room. The issue of the younger girl hitting should also be addressed.

What does their dad think?

This...👆

No I wouldn’t and agree with your take on the situation

Sounds like pandering to children who are behaving badly.

The girls can't continue to share, it's not good for either of them.
The autistic sister needs a calm safe space of her own. And the older sister needs a bedroom where she doesn't get hit.
You don't have to go with their mum's suggestions but you (your DH) need to figure something out.

I'd put the aggressive child in with you until she can be trusted not to lash out at her sister.

The only answer you need to give. She doesn’t demand what happens in your home. I wouldn’t want the SN one with the toddler in case she hits him. And the older girl shouldn’t be stuck with the toddler. One girl gets the sofa bed or divide the room.
I would NOT be turfing my child out of his room to accommodate this. One big room is sitting empty 5 days of the week already. and not acceptable that everyone jumps around for them on the other 2 days. Just ignore her.

I don't think I'd move the toddler - he's there all the time, and the girls aren't old enough to be off at uni or something before he's unlikely to want to share with his parents anymore.

However, if I were the sister being hit by my sister I definitely think she's reasonable to want her own space!

So I suppose solutions would be -

• Sofa bed one night a week for each daughter
• Sofa bed two nights a week for you and DH
• room divider
• move to bigger house
• convert other room (dining room?) into another bedroom / part-time bedroom
• If you don't want a sofa bed, then a blow-up bed or folding mattress on the floor that can be hidden away when the girls aren't there / during the day?

It’s got bugger all to do with her. I would consider giving the 2 girls the biggest bedroom if they don’t already have it, and see if it can be partitioned. I would also be reminding her that if she’s planting this into her girl’s heads she could be accused or parental alienation.

Son goes in your room and get a sofa bed downstairs for you and DH

the daughters don’t get on and one needs her own space

ultimately you didn’t think it through when you got the house or had a baby but you are where you are so make the best of a bad job but not at the girls expense

I highly doubt that would work, dare say the mother of the girls would be complaining that the TV was on/OPer was living her life, in her own lounge, past 9pm and her DC couldn't sleep.

Ex is massively overstepping. She’s no right to dictate what goes on in your house and whether you have another child!

room divider is a great option.

Why don't you get a single sofa bed for the lounge and the girls take it in turns weekly or monthly to sleep on it?

I don’t think you should move your toddler but the sisters do clearly need to sleep separately so you have to find another solution. Forcing them to share while that results in one child being abused is not ok.

If it means you have to have a sofa bed or a bed in your room or one of the girls shares a bunk with your toddler, then so be it.

How did you "have no idea she'd be unkind to her sister"? How did her own parent not know about her challenges? Did you never meet her before you had a child with her parent? I just don't understand how this issue could have come out of the clear blue sky.

I agree with the room divider idea. This is what I would do- your son stays in the box room. You have the smallest double. The girls get the biggest double and look at a way to split it. Even if its really small, at least they'll have their own space

Unless the girls' mother is offering to buy you a larger house, she should keep her nose out.

making accomodations would support her behaviour and allow her to have space/ quiet time etc. sensory needs met.

Who gives the mum permission to dictate what goes on in your own home. She no right to tell you to give up your own bedroom.
Where does she expect you to put a sofa bed, in your lounge.
You've given the girls a perfectly good place to sleep.

Maybe a solution would be to have the girls one at a time, that way the one that keeps getting hit will also get to have a break.