Should we sleep separately so children can have separate rooms?

Split the big room. My brother did this, in a fairly small room, both boys had access to the door and a bunk / wardrobe arrangement on each side. One of my nephews was autistic, but this arrangement worked. Part of sharing but not sharing, is the development of learning to sometimesnot always have what you want, and siblings often don't get along, regardless of autism.

I think its none of DSDs mums business how you organise your home.

That said while not on you your DH should have considered whether he thinks them sharing is appropriate or not. If hes happy thats it.

If they have a double room could you not just use one of those dividey things?

We are a neurodivergent family actually....
Doesn't mean I tell people they shouldn't have had more kids cos one has autism and they only have a 3 bed house. Their son is 2, so this obviously hasn't always been a problem and is a more recent development.
There are many ways to support an autistic child that don't involve being wealthy enough for a bigger house or uprooting the child that lives their permanently a couple of days every week.

Divide the large double room that they share. Presumably you only have them ever other weekend etc. no; they don’t get to uproot your son from his bedroom

Controversial but I have a child with ASD and he absolutely is not allowed to hurt his sister. Suggest your DP work on understanding her trigger and also disciplining her quite strongly.

If it’s new behaviour, then in the past planning that they share a room was reasonable as they are of similar age and both girls. It’s rude she said you shouldn’t had your child though.

But things have cleared changed and it’s not fair on the sibling that’s getting hit to have to share, or down the road they’ll start to refuse to come and visit their Dad like others have pointed out.

One option is the siblings both coming the stay at different times. My nephew and niece do sleep overs with grandparents separately as nephew is ASD and plays up and is mean to his sister, so this works out much calmer for both of them.

Or son for next few years stays in your room while he’s still little and you come up with a long term plan for what happens when he gets older. I.e look into loft extension, splitting a bigger room into two etc.

OP’s son matters just as much as his half sisters and he only has one home so there’s no way he should lose his room. And the ex really doesn’t get a say in any of it unless both parents get to dictate the set up in each others households.

What a stupid post!

the girls get the biggest room and you split it, lots of ideas on the internet. You take the other double and your son has the smallest room

I'd remind their mum that whilst she can accommodate getting a house big enough for two girls to not have to share a bedroom for the majority of the week it's not really doable for you guys to have a 5bed house with two empty bedrooms for 5 nights a week. If you can you could get a room divider to create two private spaces for them in the large double bedroom

Son gets the biggest room, autistic child gets the box room and other step child shares with the son.

Very much this. The autism makes a big difference.

Do you have a dining room that could be a part-time bedroom? Alternatively, would it be possible to have the girls separately (so each does two days a fortnight)? The girls would probably appreciate having some time away from each other if they don't get on.

Some of these comments clearly show that some people have no expeirence of dealing with a child with autism. Nowhere in any post does the OP talk about her needs, triggers of severity of her condition. It might be that the child can be coached, she could equally be non verbal or anything in between!

Dividing the room seems the obvious choice, but I can see why the girls' mum would be annoyed - her ex husband is obviously clueless at dealing with or undersdanding his own daughter's needs.

Why the hell would they do that ! This is the boys full time
home ? He deserved a bedroom and a space of his own !

i know what I would be saying and that would be no way !!!!

Of course the mother has some say in this - it must feel very scary for the child who's being attacked. This child is the person who matters most in this scenario. I hope you can find a solution which helps her feel safe.

yes so would I

i expect the mum wants a break from them

Some of these comments 🙄 I shared a room with my sister at my mum's until 13 and dad's til I stopped staying the night at 17 and she is 5 years younger than me. Did I love it? god no, but it was how it was and that was that. 4 bed houses are a lot pricier than 3 beds.It's not unreasonable for them to have planned for the girls to share 2 nights a week. Hell my mum had 3 girls in one bedroom and 3 boys in the other when she was a kid.

However given the dynamic that has developed between the girls, I would definitely make sure they have the longest room and have dividers like the pictures someone posted above, the bunkbeds with a blocked off side are a great option if you are up for a bit of DIY (depending on where the windows are.)

I wouldn't pander to it, my child would not be giving up their room for someone who's only there 2 nights out of 7, and nor would I.

If the sisters can't sleep in the same room I would have them over on separate nights.

Don’t be ridiculous. Two adults and a child should share one room full time so that the girls can each have a room when they stay over 2 nights a week?

Dividing the large bedroom by using a kallax unit or a curtain would be a better solution while the adults work to improve the younger girls’s behaviour. Hopefully she won’t be aggressive towards her sister for ever.

I grew up as one of three siblings in a three bed house (all lived there full time) - my brothers shared a bedroom. It’s very common for same sex siblings to share. The girls need to share a bedroom - it’s only 2 nights a week! Ridiculous to suggest OP and her husband give up their bedroom.

I’m autistic and had to share a room with my sister full time, so I do feel for the girls. Me and my sister used to have some WWE style fights… but really if they’re only at yours on weekends could you not find another solution? Divider in the big room? Something like that?

I will say me and my sister get on really well now but sharing the room did not help lol.

YANBU!! Totally unreasonable for anyone to think you should have to move out your own bloody bedroom, it’s your home.
My advice would be keep your son in his own room and if possible divide the big bedroom, I’ve seen some amazing pictures/ videos of others doing this with units from ikea.
I shared a room until I left home, my sister and I fought… didn’t do us any harm.

Well, what's your plan for stopping your DSD being beaten up by her overwhelmed autistic sister? Because you, or more specifically her dad, can't allow that to happen under your roof.