Should we sleep separately so children can have separate rooms?

No definitely not 😀

The DC with autism would (sorry @hibyebye) probably have been thrown into an asylum and left there to rot.

Just like people with severe allergies just died from them.

Are we suggesting the past was preferable because it weeded out anyone not 'normal'?

Do your children have developmental and neurological disabilities that affect communication, sensory processing, and daily functioning?

Do you have a severe developmental and neurological disability that affects/affecteded communication, sensory processing, and daily functioning?

Self control??

You do realise some autistic children/adults have to be locked away at night due to them harming themselves or someone else?

I know parents who have had broken bones and regularly have bruises and scratches on them from their children.

No way would I be having a physically violent child around either of the other DCs at night.

Some of these replies are shocking.

It’s obvious that many posters have no experience of children with autism or MH that makes them violent.

The amount of posters saying that they should share a room, knowing that a child is going to be attacked, is absolutely shocking.

If I knew my child was not safe whilst at her dads then I would be stopping them from going there all together.

He has a responsibility to safeguard his children and right now he’s not doing it.

I wonder if he started the thread if he’d get the same replies, I very much doubt it.
He’d be told it was him priority to find a way to keep his other 2 children safe from violence.

This 100%. My children shared until they left home. People will say you shouldn’t have more children than you have bedrooms, bollocks. My children had fallouts but they needed to get over it. Children’s behaviour doesn’t get to dictate the layout of the home and the ex wife certainly doesn’t.

So what would happen two or three generations ago when people lived in more proximity to each other . Kids definitely share rooms and possibly beds?

She needs to learn some self control, is the hitting all due to her autism?

How would you arrange your 3 bed house if all three children were biologically yours. Bear in mind that autistic meltdowns aren’t “behaviour” to be worked on.

The room divider is the answer I'd opt for.
There are always savvy ways to ensure privacy for two children in one large room; research well.

I’ve never seen a mum post that their child lashes out because she’s sharing a room without having tried every possible way of ensuring the other child doesn’t get hit. If these children were all from the same mum the child who lashes out would already have their own room and the other children would share, or the toddler would be in with mum.

Divided bedroom, and work in their behaviour

Separate the largest room into two with room dividers, you get the second largest room and son gets the smallest.

Of course it’s ok for same sex siblings to share. Gosh I shared until I left for uni!

Ex can butt out. She does not get to direct what is going on in your house.

I agree with you. Deal with the behaviour.

Second this.

He is in the wrong because he is failing to safeguard his child. I call out both men and women on that.

Theres thread after thread on here from beleaguered mums about how their chlid is violent, to them, to peers and to siblings and they're given every bit of sympathy. They're not painted as 'letting them hit each other'. They're not questioned on why they havent got a bigger home. They're not questioned on why they went on to have another child when they already had an autistic child.

But this is a father so naturally he is in the wrong.

I second this idea!

I have 2 teen granddaughters with only a year between them, and the youngest is autistic. They've never been able to share a bedroom for very similar reasons (not to mention the youngest has the typical autistic sleep problems, which would have kept the other one awake anyway). The eldest has always been a carer/helper for her younger sibling, but because of that, we've always been very careful to ensure both kids get one-on-one time with the rest of the family, rather than them going as a pair. This means the needs of the youngest child can be met without ignoring the eldest one. The eldest also knows that she's going to get some time just for her, where the needs of her sister won't overshadow everything, and where she can just relax and be.

In the OP's position, I would definitely be looking to have them individually, rather than both together, so they can both get quality time, and both will be able to relax and feel safe.

Exactly. When their needs aren't being met, meltdowns and violent behaviour are the result. Anywhere.

Tackling means getting to the root cause of it. Which is divorce, remarriage, step mum, new child, new home, sharing a bedroom, not being with her mum, massive upheaval of routine/being away from home twice a week.

You think a few rules will overcome all of that in a child with autism/SEN who is having meltdowns?

YANBU.

DONT mess your DS around in his own home. It’s not fair he should move rooms 2 nights a week at all- his space should remain the same in his only home.

I agree with room dividers or if they are in bunk beds could this be moved into the middle of the room to kind of divide it?

Definitely leave your DS to his own space.

And who does the other mother think she is dictating what goes on in your house!?

Wow so you are letting his ex dictate where you sleep now and how you organise your house? If the girls can't get on the one that is causing the issue needs to have the sofa bed temporarily until they learn to share. If she hits then this needs dealing with. Explain the rules clearly. If they really can't share then have them one at once. The mum will need to d Al with it. I can't believe she said you shouldn't have had your son!

I assume she doesn’t go around hitting people at school

Why on earth would you assume that @SunsetDrifter? Plenty of children do hit children as school when they are distressed. Many children have TA support because of this. Less so at secondary school, but it is still something which happens.

Not tackling violence is clearly not putting a child first!