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Original poster

Friend told dd(11) about my ex

36 replies

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 15:50

As a teenager I dated a guy for a couple of years who has since, not become famous but has sometimes been mentioned in the media for only negative reasons, he has gone on to allegedly do terrible things.

Not at all someone I want to be associated with and even if i had no association with would want my children even knowing or thinking about.

A recent article where he was pictured apparently just came up on my friends phone while she was with my dd(11) and her same age dd and she decided to show them, tell them that he had been my boyfriend and explain the things he’s gone on to do.

This was over a week ago, dd came to me this morning because she had been upset and worrying about it.

Before I react I’m not at all being unreasonable to be furious and think this was an incredibly inappropriate thing for my friend to do, am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
sundaymover · 13/08/2026 16:54

ExtraOnions · 13/08/2026 16:33

What is DD “upset and worried” about ?

I think you need to get a bit of resilience in your 11 year old. You knew someone, many years ago, who turned our dodgy - it’s not that big a deal.

Because she had information casually thrown at her that she didn’t expect or understand. Her mum lived with a man who has gone on to hurt a child and his face and name is all over the internet. I don’t know an 11 year old who wouldn’t find that worrying and be confused by that.

She’s okay now, she hasn’t spent the week hysterical she’s just had lots of questions that she wanted answering. She has resilience, the goal isn’t to have children so resilient they are always completely unaffected and never experience negative feelings.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 13/08/2026 16:33

Horrible and strange thing to do. By now you will have spoken to your DD what were her worries?

ExtraOnions · 13/08/2026 16:33

What is DD “upset and worried” about ?

I think you need to get a bit of resilience in your 11 year old. You knew someone, many years ago, who turned our dodgy - it’s not that big a deal.

x2boys · 13/08/2026 16:31

Thats a really odd and nasty thing to do.

Lmnop22 · 13/08/2026 16:29

Assuming the terrible things are either violent or sexually inappropriate in nature, that’s a ridiculously inappropriate thing to tell an 11 year old about whether or not there’s any association to you. To go even further and tell her about a past association is dispicable behaviour 😳

Nousernameideaaga · 13/08/2026 16:21

outerspacepotato · 13/08/2026 16:20

Your "friend" is a nasty gossip. Keep your distance and keep your kids away from her completely.

This might be a good time to start discussing red flag behaviours in friends and partners with your daughter.

Gossiping about your past with an 11 year old is one.

This is all the advice you need really

outerspacepotato · 13/08/2026 16:20

Your "friend" is a nasty gossip. Keep your distance and keep your kids away from her completely.

This might be a good time to start discussing red flag behaviours in friends and partners with your daughter.

Gossiping about your past with an 11 year old is one.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 13/08/2026 16:16

Did she want to make herself look like she was more important in your life than she is? Or she wanted to be the one with all the gossip?

Either way, I’d be distancing myself from her.

Original poster
sundaymover · 13/08/2026 16:16

Yes, obviously comforting dd is main priority. I didn’t even think about the fact her daughter could go round gossiping about it, I really hope not.

OP posts:
ChupacabraIsReal · 13/08/2026 15:55

I think first concern would be your daughter. Spend some time talking with her and helping her process.
Then, tell your friend it was inappropriate and that you would like her to make sure her daughter doesn't go round spouting off about you.

Hope you and your daughter are ok.

DwarfPalmetto · 13/08/2026 15:52

This person is not your friend.