Friend told dd(11) about my ex

sundaymover · 2026-08-13T14:50:26+00:00

As a teenager I dated a guy for a couple of years who has since, not become famous but has sometimes been mentioned in the media for only negative reasons, he has gone on to allegedly do terrible things. Not at all someone I want to be associated with and even if i had no association with would want my children even knowing or thinking about. A recent article where he was pictured apparently just came up on my friends phone while she was with my dd(11) and her same age dd and she decided to show them, tell them that he had been my boyfriend and explain the things he’s gone on to do. This was over a week ago, dd came to me this morning because she had been upset and worrying about it. Before I react I’m not at all being unreasonable to be furious and think this was an incredibly inappropriate thing for my friend to do, am I?

Dragonflyspeeding · 20/08/2026 01:40

Not the same as yours OP but my sister regularly did things like this about me to my DC1.
In my case, she told them about episodes in my childhood where I said or did something stupid, lost games, had bad hairstyles. All things that were said 'as a joke' but always belittled me.
I reduced contact.
I'd strongly suggest you do the same.
These sort of people know what they are doing and are not on your side.

Peachesandcream90 · 14/08/2026 21:41

Laura95167 · 13/08/2026 22:31

Russell Brand?

OP said he wasn't famous. Russell Brand certainly is famous (and infamous). Besides its not our business

Postpartum26 · 14/08/2026 12:01

Your friend told your 11 year old child about your ex that’s hurt a child? Yes… she’s not a mate!!!

Tillow4ever · 14/08/2026 11:33

Laura95167 · 13/08/2026 22:31

Russell Brand?

It’s none of yours, or our, business who the ex is. It makes absolutely NO difference to the advice we would give. You haven’t even attempted to give the op some advice, you just want the gossip.

You are no better than her “friend”.

x2boys · 14/08/2026 10:26

BreakingBroken · 13/08/2026 18:07

Shame you’ve not discussed this with your own dd earlier on. When you live in an area/community where your past is well known best to be honest.

Its not Ops past though
Its an Ex from many years ago
My Dh had a troubled time as a young adult and got into quite a bit of trouble
He only told our 19 year old son about it last year
When he was old enough to understand
.

Laura95167 · 13/08/2026 22:31

Russell Brand?

BreakingBroken · 13/08/2026 22:17

maybe it's because my kids grew up in tiny villages where honesty with the challenges and trials of growing up is best discussed.
beware who you associate with etc.

Lmnop22 · 13/08/2026 21:37

BreakingBroken · 13/08/2026 18:07

Shame you’ve not discussed this with your own dd earlier on. When you live in an area/community where your past is well known best to be honest.

Are you serious? We ought to sit down and tell our kids all the nitty gritty parts of our private lives lest our ‘friends’ we have confided in share inappropriate material with an 11 year old??

MultiBead · 13/08/2026 18:48

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:45

She was confused about who he was and what he had done, wanted to know if he did anything bad when I was with him etc. ‘friend’ made him out to be a celebrity and obviously in their short chat didn’t give full or factual information.

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Ahh poor thing.

I really wouldn't want anything more to do with your 'friend'.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/08/2026 18:47

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:13

I suspect her main motivation is just to gossip, she’s regularly tried to update me about this man and I have repeatedly let her know I’m not interested. I would hope she wouldn’t intentionally try and hurt my child.

First post nailed it. But I think what she did was dreadful. Telling your 11 year old AND her 11 year old.. It was not a sensible thing to do, how did she not think your DD would not be peturbed by that.
Especially when you have repeatedly said you are not interested.
I'd give her a rocket for this.
I could never trust her again.

Pistachiocake · 13/08/2026 18:46

Depending HOW famous he is, and how likely it is that most people who meet your daughter regularly would know, and would blab, maybe she does need to know. But that is your decision and not hers.

Original poster

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:45

MultiBead · 13/08/2026 18:26

I can understand her being disturbed by this OP.

I mean for a start, no-one really wants to think about their mum's old boyfriends, let alone one who has been in the news for hurting a child.

But do you know what she's confused about?

She was confused about who he was and what he had done, wanted to know if he did anything bad when I was with him etc. ‘friend’ made him out to be a celebrity and obviously in their short chat didn’t give full or factual information.

OP posts:

BoarBrush · 13/08/2026 18:43

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:16

It’s not well known in my community. I live in a completely different area now, there’s a handful of what I thought were trusted adults who knew.
I’ve never lied to her about it, there’s never been a moment where it’s been necessary or appropriate to tell her.

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And now is the time. I have two 11yos, ones pretty immature and would be dramatic as fuck about it, the other would take it on the chin and ask questions over a few days. I'd have no bother being realistic with ds, but dd I'd be careful with my words.

I'd ditch that pal though.

MultiBead · 13/08/2026 18:35

concertinacornflake · 13/08/2026 18:33

Young people can be confused by the idea that adults don't automatically know goodies from baddies. They think adults will know things.

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True.

I just wondered if the OP actually knows.

concertinacornflake · 13/08/2026 18:33

MultiBead · 13/08/2026 18:26

I can understand her being disturbed by this OP.

I mean for a start, no-one really wants to think about their mum's old boyfriends, let alone one who has been in the news for hurting a child.

But do you know what she's confused about?

Young people can be confused by the idea that adults don't automatically know goodies from baddies. They think adults will know things.

MultiBead · 13/08/2026 18:26

I can understand her being disturbed by this OP.

I mean for a start, no-one really wants to think about their mum's old boyfriends, let alone one who has been in the news for hurting a child.

But do you know what she's confused about?

concertinacornflake · 13/08/2026 18:20

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:13

I suspect her main motivation is just to gossip, she’s regularly tried to update me about this man and I have repeatedly let her know I’m not interested. I would hope she wouldn’t intentionally try and hurt my child.

It would be wise to stop associating with this person, she's not a good person to have in your life.

Doesn't respect your boundaries, gossips, discusses age-inappropriate things with a child.

concertinacornflake · 13/08/2026 18:18

ExtraOnions · 13/08/2026 16:33

What is DD “upset and worried” about ?

I think you need to get a bit of resilience in your 11 year old. You knew someone, many years ago, who turned our dodgy - it’s not that big a deal.

I don't think you understand what resilience is.

It's completely normal and healthy for kids to worry short term about confusing things. They then discuss with a trusted adult and feel better.

Original poster

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:16

BreakingBroken · 13/08/2026 18:07

Shame you’ve not discussed this with your own dd earlier on. When you live in an area/community where your past is well known best to be honest.

It’s not well known in my community. I live in a completely different area now, there’s a handful of what I thought were trusted adults who knew.
I’ve never lied to her about it, there’s never been a moment where it’s been necessary or appropriate to tell her.

OP posts:

Original poster

sundaymover · 13/08/2026 18:13

I suspect her main motivation is just to gossip, she’s regularly tried to update me about this man and I have repeatedly let her know I’m not interested. I would hope she wouldn’t intentionally try and hurt my child.

OP posts:

Topjoe19 · 13/08/2026 18:08

What an awful thing for your "friend" to do!!!! I'd be furious.

BreakingBroken · 13/08/2026 18:07

Shame you’ve not discussed this with your own dd earlier on. When you live in an area/community where your past is well known best to be honest.

CossyBunt · 13/08/2026 17:54

Your so called friend is vile. Why do people do this? Im sorry to say, but she must really dislike you deep down, or be jealous of you. She’s caused harm to your child. Does she work in a professional role where she is responsible for children or vulnerable adults? If so, I’d report her to her workplace for causing harm to a minor. Her behaviour is red flag territory, completely inappropriate.

I’d also be racking my brains for any time she had confided in me and remind her of what I know about her.

Cherrysoup · 13/08/2026 17:00

I hope you give your ‘friend’ what for! That was not her information to divulge and certainly not to your 11 year old dd. 🤬

30DegreesHighAndRising · 13/08/2026 17:00

Crikey, of course an eleven year old is going to find this disturbing. It's an adult situation that she shouldn't have been exposed to in this way. Your "friend" took it upon herself to do this, why? She had no concern for your daughter, it was just entertainment and a way to get a dig at you. I would happily cut her out of my life.

There was a similar situation here recently where an old friend told OP's young teenage daughter about things OP had done as a teenager. Nothing horrendous, but embarrassing sex/ alcohol-fuelled stories that was completely inappropriate. Again you have to question a friend's motives for doing this.