To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

I'm sorry OP, it appears that the majority of the posters' children have had no past trauma to deal with so can't compute this isn't just an older bully boy. I completely hear that you do not condone your SS behaviour in any way but just wish that a apology was forthcoming for her small part in this.

I hope this doesn't escalate more and your SS gets all the help he needs. Good luck x

A ten-year-old girl who doesn't respect the word no is a brat. A teenage boy who doesn't respect the word no is a rapist. So your sister is very much in the wrong for allowing her daughter to get away with this behaviour. Of course SS shouldn't have hit her, but he grew up learning that violence is the answer and is now in the process of unlearning that. And it is a process, it won't happen overnight. SS didn't hit her when she kept asking to see his drawing when he'd made it clear he didn't want to show her. He didn't hit her when she spilled water on his work. It sounds like he recognised that he was feeling angry and walked away before he lashed out. That could be huge progress for him, and if niece hadn't followed and deliberately tried to get him to lash out (because it sounds like she knew exactly what she was doing), he could now be celebrating managing a challenging situation very well.

His childhood experience from his mother isn’t a get out of jail card.

He has assaulted a 10 year old child and the excuse if his mum abused him as a child.

If you as the current adult in charge of the children cannot keep them safe from him you shouldn’t be in charge of them because you failed knowing he is volatile. You know he gets mad and clearly loses his shit.

Are you male?

You are not being unreasonable

I’ve only just realised this. If OP were there then they would have stepped in if nieces behaviour was so terrible. Obviously the children were left alone for some period of time. Which begs the question, is the boy telling the whole truth about nieces behaviour? We don’t know do we? It seems that everyone is agreement that the physically assault happened. A 15YO boy and a 10YO girl being left alone is not ideal to be honest is it, it’s for the best they all have a break and don’t leave them alone together. The things a 15YO boy might access on a device that wouldn’t be appropriate for a 10YO to hear. It was a recipe for disaster to start with.

If he’s have called her a brat and told her to fuck off then sure, whilst not great it would have been more understandable. He didn’t though, he escalated massively by becoming violent towards a 10 year old girl.

As annoying and unpleasant as she undoubtedly was, that’s not normal.

TBH I always assume they’ve got family members like this themselves, and they just don’t like to hear the truth.

And all the while you sat there like a potato watching

Sorry but that's not normal 10 year old behaviour. She shouldn't have been hit but I'd be disgusted if my DC behaved like that.

In an ideal world he would be able to control his anger but all through his childhood he was abused by his mum which is a big factor in all this due to the trauma he went through. That isn't an excuse but it's not clear cut as a teen boy with absolutely no trauma at all getting angry and hitting. To a PP asking It was more of a hit/push on the shoulder not a punch or anything

It doesn't matter if he was abused by his mum. It's terrible for him.

but in no reality is a 15 year old boy hitting a 10 year old girl acceptable.

And the way you're equating their behaviour being equally worse, and minimising the assault here, is awful.

If i were your sister, yes, i'd be seeking to minimise contact until he's worked through his problems or isn't present. it's as simple as that.

I think some people lack critical thinking skills. Some of the women commenting on here would be shocked if someone who is most likely at least a foot taller and 3-4 stone heavier than them gave them a thump because they were being obnoxious and goading. Imagine you went around hitting everyone that was rude to you even though you are biologically larger and stronger (and should have more impulse control) than them. My god my children tormented their older siblings. They were taught to walk away, not whack them. And of course the OP is going to really emphasise EVERY SINGLE THING the neice did, she isn’t going to play it down is she? But people just don’t seem to be able to think about stuff like that. It reminds me of those friends that tell you you’re always right 😂 I would rather someone tell me the truth.

The victim blaming and internal misogyny on here is shocking at the moment.

And if she saw how easily he was wound up, it was tempting. I wonder how many times during the trip he's thrown a wobbly over something minor.

You can very easily live a life of being round people who do not react like this. There’s really no need for anyone to think that this is just a part of life you must suffer. You can happily just cut contact/avoid anyone who apparently needs special dispensation like this.

One life, make it easy for yourself. This boy will likely be damaged for life. No one needs to stick around to be part of his learning moments, least of all women and girls.

Expected more replies calling the niece 'vile' and 'abusive' tbf. This is Mumsnet after all. Though there is the complication of the violence coming from a stepson and again, well, Mumsnet. Step children can do no wrong.

The niece behaved like a 10 year old and the stepson behaved like a normal teen, until he hit her. Trauma should never excuse bad behaviour and violence. Mine didn't. Not that I have it in me anyway. Funny that.

He obviously needs therapy and as soon as possible, the minute a damaged male thinks his trauma excuses violence towards anyone more vulnerable than him, then the jig is up.

The amount of what I assume are women and mothers of girls themselves, excusing this and calling the niece 'vile' and 'abusive' is unsettling. Though the topless sunbathing thread also unsettled me earlier. The amount of internalised hate women carry for other women (and girls) carries my breath away sometimes.

The niece is not 'vile' or 'abusive'. She behaved badly. But his behaviour was worse.
In this instance I would not have her apologise. He needs to learn, and fast, that nothing excuses violence. Especially towards someone more vulnerable than you. You need to teach him this @PapaSteel you will do him no favours excusing it in anyway.

Absolutely. I totally would have slapped her at 15. Wouldn't now because Im an adult but by god, Id be tempted if I had to put up with that.

Exactly

He did this to a 10 yr old in front of an adult

now just think of him alone, with a teen girl who he fancies but she says “no, not interested”

Yes. What if his girlfriend annoys him by saying no to him…

“He got angry at the claw machine”

15 years old means he has a lot of the power and strength of a grown man, coupled with his poor impulse control, inability to deal appropriately with his own responses and low bar for “getting angry” I wouldn’t want him near my 10year old child either.

There's wrong on both sides but your sister is not overreacting, although I'd not be so cruel to say he should go into care I'd react very much the same way except the police would have been called I'd have not just threatened it. Regardless of your niece acting like a brat, a 15 year old should know better even with anger issues than to hit a child. I would in your sisters position be keeping my children away from him even if it meant keeping them from you and cousins too at least until his anger issues have been sorted out properly, whatever is being done at the moment clearly isn't enough for him to control his anger enough to not hit children. Sorry OP but he's going to be a grown adult very soon it needs to be sorted.

They are not adults and this is not comparable to a domestic abuse situation. He didn't punch her in the face ; she's not injured. She got a shove, having repeatedly wound up this boy, who is a victim of childhood abuse himself and who tried really hard to get away from her. People are talking about him like he's a 35 year old, drunken wifebeater! Massive overreaction. They are both children - 15 year olds (esp those who've experienced trauma and abuse) don't always have the skill and maturity to manage their reactions. He's trying but he isn't there yet.

The mother of the 10 year old really needs to stress to her child that in the real world, she can't say and do whatever she likes, however rude and aggressive and expect for everyone else to not react because she's a girl. In the real world, she will meet people who very much will react.

It sounds like this girl knew he was volatile and tried to get a reaction. There was absolutely no need for her to follow him and deliberately taunt him.

He did this IN FRONT OF AN ADULT

How the hell would he respond if alone with a teen girl who annoyed him

Maybe she was even wearing a top that said hit me

🤣🤣