To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

OTT.

@Duskiestsunset I certainly wouldn’t want her as my 10 year old. Awful behaviour. Her parents should be ashamed of their parenting.

OP's excuses so far:

He's had a troubled upbringing
It was the 10 year olds fault for being annoying
He didn't punch her he "only" hit/pushed her
He's apparently not strong enough to hurt her
He apparently wasn't being aggressive when he assaulted her
He didn't shout in her face, he only shouted at her

Anything I've missed?

You are not just part of the problem here OP, you're a huge contributor. I highly recommend you change your ways because very soon he will no longer be a violent 15 year old, he will be a violent man. Very dangerous.

I might get shit for this but in my experience bullies always seem to know exactly who to target.

Exactly

and I very much doubt it would just be limited to hitting

It all sounds a bit…. Well, “she deserves a slap but I held back” Sounds a bit “wife beater-ish” to me

I would want to call the police too if a 15 year old boy hit either of my DDs. They certainly wouldn’t be socialising with him again.
Absolutely disgusting behaviour, he shouldn’t be around younger DC unsupervised again.

Can’t believe the number of people justifying this because the girl was “being annoying”.
To be fair she probably was but also is 10 and behaving like a normal child which is not perfect.
No wonder we have such a problem with VAWG in this country.

In 10 years time OP and her DP will be justifying this boy hitting his girlfriend because “she did xyz” 🙄

You’re being deliberately vague about what you mean by hit but I’m assuming you don’t mean a shove and that he actually hit her. Not that laying hands on another person in anger is ever acceptable.

What is really worrying is that you’re looking for excuses - there are none. There are reasons but they are for you to deal with to help your DS. Nothing excuses violence. Victim blaming might make you feel better but it’s pretty shitty behaviour.

Your niece is a brat and that needs dealing with by your sister. Your DS list the right to an apology when he assaulted her.

lots of people in life are annoying. We don’t get a free pass to assault them. He may get away with it a few times. Sounds like he may get away with this because you’re determined to minimise. Eventually he’ll assault the wrong person and then he’ll find out the hard way that he can’t go round hitting people. He’ll either get hit back and maybe seriously hurt or end up in prison. You’re doing him no favours at all by downplaying it.

The 10 year old was very naughty and should have been removed from the situation much earlier, especially with your step son’s anger management problems. He absolutely shouldn’t have retaliated though and you need to come down on him hard. I know he has past trauma but if this is minimised it gives him the green light to punch someone who annoys him again. When he hits his girlfriend, wife or child it will be ok because he was provoked.

Yes, when managing his behaviour everyone needs to be trauma informed and be hugely aware of his past- but part of this is removing the triggers and working with him when he is stressed and angry (like going for a walk when in the arcades). You clearly weren’t able to do this today.

Don't forget to tell her if she wears dresses she can expect to be raped too.

If she's going to school and winds up a child her own age I would expect a child her own age to respond, not one several years older.

👏👏👏👏👏👏💯

He is 15. When it comes to violence, he is not a child.

Our holiday with you would be over. We would not leave, but we would not spend any more time with your family.

Your blasé reaction to this is frightening.

Never.

I never would. I don’t believe in hitting. Doesn’t mean there weren’t times that they didn’t deserve a slap. Just not in my nature to hit and fortunately I could count on one hand the times they (between the 2 of them) probably fell into this category. They are now almost adults.

He was moving away and she decided to follow him and continue taunting him.

Whilst SS shouldn’t have done what he did but equally neither should the 10 year old who sounds like a bully egged on by her mother. (I wonder what she id like in school towards those she thinks of as less than her)

She knew how to wind SS up. I would be going very low contact with her mother and NC with the niece

For her own DD’s safety your sister needs to teach her DD that just because she can bully someone she will have to expect a response in return.

If she is 10 years old She will be going to senior school probably next year. If she continues this behaviour she could target someone who has older sibling/s who will protect their younger sibling. And a slap is the least of her problems.

heavens

out of interest… did you ever slap your children?

She's 10 😂 I don't doubt she's a wind up merchant, but really the responsibility lies with the adult overseeing them and the 15yo. Once you clump someone you lose the right to an apology.

Oh there’s plenty of people that deserve a slap but this doesn’t mean the action is ever carried out.

Why didn’t you tell the 15YO to move away then? You’re clearly exaggerating how badly behaved she was being because no mother figure on earth sits there whilst a child is that unpleasant to their own child!

But I would. People are not toys that you wind up and not expect consequences. She was baiting him. Unacceptable behaviour. No, he shouldn't have hit her but she's well old enough to know how to behave. He's apologised, she should too.

News flash! He is “the bad guy”!
Do you honestly believe that telling a girl that it’s okay to be hit (it doesn’t matter how hard or soft) for annoying someone is not a problem?
Can you seriously defend any man or boy using violence ( no matter the level) against a woman or girl because “she pushed him to it”?

This is strange. No one deserves a slap.

Do you have children? Are you male
or female?

Both young people sound insufferable. I wouldn't allow them in the same space until they are in their twenties.

Niece sounds irritating but it feels a dangerous route to go down to even remotely suggest to a 15 year old boy with anger issues that it’s okay or in any way acceptable to hit someone just because they annoy you.

Many children deserve a slap, but it’s something we wouldn’t want to inflict on them - they are ofcourse just children being highly annoying.