To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

I think you and DH have made an huge error of judgment taking a volatile, aggressive, unrelated teen on holiday with other children in your family. Your own children have had to learn to walk on eggshells so as not to aggravate him and get hurt, but any average 10 year old would expect some low level bickering, a smart comment or a slammed door in response to winding up a teen 'cousin'. Your DH needs to take him home, immediately. If I was your sister I would insist on it or leave myself.

Your nieces behaviour was awful and needs to be addressed but she absolutely didn't deserve to be hit by a 15 year old boy. That's completely unacceptable what ever the circumstances.

SS has clearly got major issues due to being raised in an abusive environment, he was probably hit when he was annoying so therefore hits when he is annoyed. It's all completely understandable but it can't be excused. You say he knows he was wrong but he needs to understand the consequences of his actions by being taken home.

'I wasn't just sat there, they were across the room and I was feeding my baby.'

You should have got off our back side, taking baby with you and dealt with it

across the room - must have been a huge room !

male hit female - full stop
in 3 years time he will be an adult

I do hope one of the families is packing and leaving, either yours and the young male or your sister with the assaulted female...

Then OP should have stopped it before it escalated given he has anger issues. Or at least let him walk off undisturbed.

He didn't shout in her face. She grabbed his book and he shouted at her to stop it, not in her face. She then ‘accidentally’ spilt her water on his book to ruin his drawings. She was stood over him and he was sat at the table. He didn't have a tantrum. He walked away to try and get out of the situation and she was making comments like “are you gonna cry” and called him a cry baby

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES.

Just a million blame-shifting reasons for the VIOLENT behaviour of a boy at least 5 years past being old enough to know better.

I've said multiple times he's getting help for his anger both at school and outside of school and therapy for all he's gone through.

Not working though, is it? If he's still storming off and hitting out?

Time for a re-think!

He apologised after he got angry at the arcades too, he had spent most of his money trying to get a specific thing despite us trying to tell him to do something else and dp saying he would find it online but he was fixated with winning that one and when he got close but it fell he got angry. He wasn't aggressive he was just angry and upset and he went for a walk to calm down as it was also very busy and hot in the arcade which wasn't ideal

YET MORE EXCUSES with the additional ridiculousness of A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD WHO CANNOT ACCEPT LOSING!

The kid is DUDLEY DURSELY and YOU & DH are to blame because you spend all of your time trying to shield him from the things he needs to learn hard lessons from!

Prisons are FULL of damaged men, OP. The law doesn't make excuses for violent men because they went through things in childhood. His apologies will meam nothing.

If you don't make huge changes very soon, things are not looking good for the future.

I echo a pp who says at the max, the police would have words. My DH is sick of attending calls with children hitting/refusing to do as told. You can’t remove them from the family home (or holiday cottage) but can advise that they go elsewhere. I’m going to say go home, the holiday is now ruined, the atmosphere must be awful. Your SS was very wrong to hit her and Dniece sounds like an unpleasant little Madame.

He shouldn’t have hit her and she sounds like a little brat. Is your ss autistic by any chance? My son is and also likes to draw that’s his peaceful time, my son also gets very over stimulated so will take himself off, he is also 15 so with the autism plus all the new hormones they are having to deal with it can get hard for him, he’s not violent towards our younger children but has in the past shoved one of them when things got to much for him. Your sister needs to have a word with her child and they both need to apologise to each other

What an utter mess, OP. Can you get yourself and kids away from your sister and niece?

I for one don't see how you could have stopped your niece (who wasn't just silly, she was mean) and I find your sister phenomenally cruel for talking about putting the boy into care. I also find it really worrying that your stepson couldn't stop himself.

I've grown up with male violence against women and am not given to trivialising it. I don't think you are doing that either.

Lots of things have gone wrong here and the priority now has to be to defuse, not to judge. That goes for all concerned.

Don't give up on DSS. Or on your niece (who may have been bummed out because she was not part of whatever her mum was doing?). But I am at a loss as to what you should be saying to your sister. There must be more to your story with her.

I don't think you could have won as I suspect if you'd grabbed the 10 year old to stop her following the 15 year old she'd have made up some story to her mum about you being physical with her to get the desired response.

You're downplaying the impact of a 15yo hitting a 10yo but I do think your sister should address her child winding him, making it clear that it doesn't justify her being hit, but because calling someone a cry baby and sneering at the idea of them crying is giving bully vibes.

But you sister seems to have already prejudged him before this incident and threatening to call the police and to call social services; these things are extreme. But I wonder if your sister has judged him based on you and your partner being dismissive when your SS is aggressive.

Honestly, everyone sucks all around.

The girl sounds vile, I wouldn’t want to be around her or your sister. Your SS was wrong but he tried to walk away.

If your sister can’t see that her child was wrong too then I’d not want to be around them. Going to be fun when she becomes a teenager.

I’d move into another caravan if you can or go home.

Crikey.

It doesn't matter how annoying the 10 year old was there is no excuse for a 15 year old to hit her.

Were there any days he didn't lash out?
It's nice of him to spread the violence across the week to avoid any risk of having a pleasant trip.

So 10yo has sussed him right out early on.

Now OP, what do you think you should have done to stop the escalation? Do you think you are capable of managing multiple kids or should a responsible adult be present if you don't think you can parent? Are you allowed to tell your niece off when she's being a wind up? If not then you shouldn't be left with her.

Not good that a 15-year old boy is hitting anyone. I'd be worrying about that and leave the behaviour of your niece to your SS.

Your niece sounds a horrible nuisance, but your SS has no business putting hands on her.

I'd be furious if she were mine, so I don't think your sister is overreacting, no.

Hopefully his anger management stuff helps, or he might find himself in serious trouble if he hits anyone else.

Your sister also needs to teach her daughter that she doesn't go around following and taunting people. While the boy is dead wrong, I'd also expect better behaviour from a 10 year old. She sounds like a little bully.

This!

Yeah sorry this is on you.

Second time she ignored me, baby would be down and I would be physically over there telling her either she stops that minute or I call her mum and physically standing between her and DSS. If necessary I would guide her away to a different area. If you’re going to take a volatile 15 yr old on holiday you have to watch them like a hawk and be prepared to step in. You were totally ineffective.

I honestly can’t see how you ever thought this would be a good idea though either?

They do and many will deliberately wind someone up and goad them until they get the reaction they want, then cry about it and tell on them after whilst pretending they're all innocent. I see it all the time at work.

to see how far she can go and is being allowed to torment him...

In which world tormenting someone isn't being cruel?

--
The adults screwed up here.
He is emotionally vulnerable, needed a space and wasn't able to get it.

If the niece won't listen when the OP tells her to stop, the OP can't mind the niece.

They’re both in the wrong. The 10yr old needs a serious talking to for being a bully. He clearly has anger issues but it is being addressed, he tried to leave and she followed- he apologised, what else could he realistically do?
However, OP, if you see behaviour like this, it doesn’t matter she’s not a toddler, it doesn’t matter you’re feeding your baby - to protect your boy and to help him grow through this you need to be up on your feet and physically between them. His emotional regulation is not where you would expect of a 15yr old due to trauma, he needs his family to be in his corner- and by that I don’t mean let him off for whatever he does, but actively help him navigate those situations until he can do it himself. He needed you to stop your niece and to provide the space so he can settle down - he started off as a victim here and ended up a villain - he doesn’t need that. I don’t think you needed to physically pull her away but planting yourself between them and sending her on an errand (“right, niece, I will need to change baby’s nappy after the feed - go grab them for me and a pack of wipes too!”- or anything else that sent her in the opposite direction to where he was going)so he has a chance to leave would’ve helped.
Also, I would be cutting the holiday short- no interest in spending time with people who won’t correct bullying behaviour - and this all now going to get worse with your sister’s approach.

Winding someone up to see how far you can push them isn't a game, it is bullying. A child about to go up to year 6, who the Mum believes is brought up well should know this. My 9 and 5YO know it is wrong to do this.

Why did he need to be told off before it escalated @Wisher88 ? What had he done wrong?

He knows it wasn't the right thing and has apologised.

Moving away was the right thing to do- most would not follow and keep taunting- takes quite a lot of gumption to do that to an older, bigger child. I'd be counselling him on how to deal with that- that the strength comes from not doing or saying anything - despite being followed and taunted and having your things damaged. And to get into a safe space.

I think the girl was provoking him- but in no way did she deserve to be hit. No one ever does. But what 10 year old follows and continues to taunt when someone is backing away? Would she have done it to a peer? Or did she spot that he is different and was bullying?

He's a 15-year old who thumped a 10-year old girl. He is the bad guy. Stop making excuses for him.
Also he got angry at a claw machine in an amusement arcade? wtf?