To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

I see you’re getting piled on here OP. No surprises there really.

Just wanted to be a friendly voice in the midst of the vipers. I think you’ve done an amazing thing by giving a loving, stable home to a boy you in theory didn’t have to. That says a lot about you. For those saying you shouldn’t have taken him..yeah, like we all just leave the odd kid out when we go on holiday.

You know your SS was wrong to hit, he knows he was wrong to hit, hence his apology. I also agree your niece should have been made to apologise for doing what she did, while acknowledging that this didn’t give SS the right to hit her.

I hope your SS continues to make progress and that with your help, love and guidance he can overcome the trauma he suffered. All the twats on here would have you casting him aside.

Yes, when they're the same age. Not junior school Vs a year 11.

Sure, but thankfully the law does see a difference between a primary aged child and one who is nearly an adult.
There's a reason criminal culpability doesn't start until you're 10 and a reason boys and girls aren't allowed to do competitive sport together from age 11 - because there is an unfair physical advantage.
Equally, it wouldn't have been appropriate for a 20 year old to clump the 15yo.

She needled him until she got a response. This is what children do and how they learn. Her mum is overreacting.

Whilst the little girl’s behaviour wasn’t OK, it really doesn’t excuse such a violent response from your stepson.

All these people saying that 15 is nearly an adult. It isn't. The human brain doesn't finish maturing until people are in their early to mid twenties. Becoming an adult is a process and 15 is still in the middle of that process. He's 3 years away from being a legal adult - that's a long time in terms of childhood development. It's not like the difference between 42 and 45!

You are truly awful.

10 year olds are in general very annoying, but we don’t hit them, would he have hit an older child annoying him? Probably not because they would have been stronger than him. Boys from age 15 onwards are far stronger than girls, so you’re assumption that he couldn’t hurt her because he is only 5ft5 is extremely wrong.

Why is he so angry all of the time, 15 year olds getting angry at claw machines isn’t really normal? Is he okay ? My now 20 year old would have been a bit like this and she’s diagnosed ASD

I think @Crazybigtoe has it right. A ten (nearly 11) year old can spot when someone is different or vulnerable. Presumably this girl knows that her step cousin struggles with emotional regulation and possibly some of the reasons why.

She was repeatedly told by her aunt to stop/leave him alone. A typically developing 10 year should not have to be physically restrained/blocked; they should be able to do what they are asked.

To me ‘tormenting’ someone to see how far you can go is pretty cruel and shows an unusual lack of empathy and compassion. I would be ashamed if either of my children behaved like that (and I honestly can’t imagine a situation in which they would)

Even a smaller 15 year old male is strong enough to harm a 10 year old female. If she had fallen when he hit her, and hit her head, she could have died. People do die from one punch, @PapaSteel.

You cannot blame your sister for being furious at her daughter being hit by your stepson - she has every right to her fury. Frankly, you should be reacting far more strongly than you are.

All the stuff about her behaviour looks very much like victim blaming.

Yes he should know not to hit her but also a 10 year old is not a baby and she should have stopped annoying him when she was asked to by him and by OP. He went to his room to get away from her and she even followed him there taunting him. So yes he was wrong to hit her but she was also wrong to behave as she did and old enough to know better.

He shouldn't have hit her but tbf, she really did need to learn the lesson. If someone walks away and keeps telling you to leave them alone and you follow them, jeering, bullying them and calling them names, there's a good chance you're going to get hurt. You can push people only so far. She brought it on herself. OP is the one at fault here. She needed to put the baby down and step in. If you're a weak, ineffectual parent, things quickly do get out of hand.

I don’t understand why you are trying to justify this OP. A 15 year old is almost an adult and should know not to hit a child. If this happened to my child I would report it to the police.

I worry for this 10 year old girl, she is at risk having anything to do with you.

Yep this!

She sounds a pain in the arse and he shouldn’t have done what he did and has apologised, she needs to as well.

I feel for ops children. It must be hell tip toeing around things that might trigger or set off the older lad if his anger is such that he has help in and outside of school.

Forgetting the niece for one moment. All siblings normally have squabbles at times and a bit of teasing. None of that in ops house because the older lad will lash out badly clearly.

The older lad might of left an abusive home but your younger children are having to live within the confines of fear of his anger and outbursts for years while he has therapy.

Well clearly the holiday was not a good idea.
He is going to have to taking serious responsibility for his actions.
He's 15, will soon be an adult and he can never lay hands on someone.
He needs to be told that it could cost him his home with you.
You cannot have this.
You have other children to think of.

He really needs that driven home to him.
His behaviour is not normal but neither is your nieces.

Nearly 11 and an absolute brat.
My 2 girls didn't behave like that ever, even at 3. I wouldn't call that type of behaviour for a 10-11 year old normal.
Certainly not behaviour I have come across.

Your sister sounds unpleasant and clearly is raising a bratty daughter.
The teenage years will likely bite her on the arse badly.

Going on holiday was always going to be a disaster with such personalities.

He was definitely was provoked but that is not an excuse.

Her type of needling and name calling is really awful and might well get her a first time slap from a child that wouldn't normally dream of doing it.

I think it might be a good idea for your partner to go home with him.
But i really wouldn't want to be around your sister and her bratty madam of a daughter either.

You sound like a very kind woman.

You seem to be giving excuses to him and none to her. She did behave poorly and you could have separated them, by asking one of them to sit elsewhere.

But he's 15 and presumably going through puberty, and Violence Against Women And Girls is prevalent and he gave your niece a taste of that world. He thought it was appropriate, and she is learning to make herself smaller in case her behaviour "causes" a boy or a man to hit her.

It is not acceptable.

Having said that, he clearly has issues and needs support and encouragement to explain his behaviour. My nephews and nieces generally behave around me because they don't want to endure a "long talk" from me about their feelings and what's going on for them.

Punishment just continues the cycle, and if it's a regular feature of home life then it may be an explanation for his behaviour.

Giving lots of positive attention and encouragement, saying you like it when they are playing/behaving nicely is often a more effective way to raise children who are not violent or shouting than telling them off.

In his case, I would give him a long talk about the fear that women and girls constantly walk around with and he's now a part of that, and that you don't like that behaviour, but that doesn't mean he is a bad person.

Criticise behaviour not character.

She sounds like a brat, but no matter what she did, at 15 your son should never hit her. How can you even justify that?!
What if he has a girlfriend that says something that pisses him off, is he ok to hurt her too?
stop making excuses for him, hitting is shit when your 4, at 15 it’s inexcusable, and you justifying it is why he is still doing it.

When this happened you were responsible for five children, including the baby? I have a baby and a toddler and there’s no way I could safely manage them plus a defiant ten year old and a troubled teenager on my own, especially on holiday out of the usual routine and while it’s really hot! Nobody can change what happened now, have you decided what you’re going to do (you leave/ sister leaves/ continue to holiday in the same place but ignore each other)?

What consequences had you warned your niece of? And what did you do before the water was thrown?
If she's so naughty that she can't be disciplined then you say sorry I don't think I can manage her on my own.

I think your DP stitched you up leaving you to shower when you were feeding the baby and looking after badly behaved kids.

It does not matter how annoying or nasty a ten year old is, it does not justify a 15 year old hitting them, he’s way too old to be behaving that way.

He’s going to be an adult in a few years, she’s in primary school, yes she wasn’t being very kind, but she’s 10, his behaviour does sound very immature for his age and a 10 year old won’t understand that he’s had a difficult time or trauma because she’s 10, to her he’s just a teenager acting like a small child.

But if he has such anger issues, I don't think that taking him on holiday with a brattish 10 year old was a good idea.

Didn't you know what your niece was like?

Or, perhaps no grabbing or physical touching was required. Maybe as parents our role is to control kids with our voices, negotiation, redirection. Boundaries and consequences.
If you wind him up again we won't do xyz later etc.
I suspect the kids were bored if they're in a caravan with an incompetent adult and a baby.
Recipe for disaster.