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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think it’s none of their business?

87 replies

CakeBakingQueen · 13/08/2026 11:22

Our oldest child is 27 and lives with us. He lived away for university but came back to live with us after finishing his degree. He got a job straight away, is progressing and earns a good wage.

He has a girlfriend he has been with for about 6 months, a good social life and pulls his weight around the house. He cooks for everyone about twice a week, helps with family stuff, does washing, ironing etc but we have a cleaner so none of us have to do that much in terms of cleaning. He can have people over when he wants. We have quite a big house so we are not under each others feet and everyone living in the house is happy. He is saving a lot of money and plans to buy a house at some point in the next few years, but as everyone is happy with the current set up, it makes sense for him to stay here and save as much as possible.

The problem we have is comments from family to us and him about when he is moving out. We are told we are making things too easy for him and he is being told he should want to move out. We have told them that everyone is happy, no one is in a rush and the more money he has the easier his future will be. The comments started when he had been back from uni for about a year and we are all getting annoyed. Last weekend after MIL going on again about it, my husband told her it’s none of her business and they need to shut up and keep out. My MIL has now cried to other family about how she was spoken to. 🙄

My son is at the point of feeling like telling them to fuck off which obviously wouldn’t go down well, so he is now choosing to go out when they visit and not visiting them himself. When he isn’t here, our middle child who is 25 is getting the same comments about when she is getting her own place.

What would you do? How do you get people to just mind their own business. My husband has said we need to see less of them if they’re not getting the message.

OP posts:
HaveIBeenTangoed · 13/08/2026 12:03

You need to shut this down immediately, every single time. They need to be told it’s none of their business and you have nothing else you wish to add on the matter. I would also say that should they keep trying to add their opinion, they will no longer be welcome to visit. You need to nip it in the bud. Your husband ie right- see them less!

Jenpen31 · 13/08/2026 11:56

If you are all happy in YOUR home. Nothing wrong here. Your house. Nobody elses business end of.

AutisticMumOf2 · 13/08/2026 11:50

Tell them to piss off and if they continue to make comments they will no longer be welcome as your dc are actively avoiding them.

Loulou4022 · 13/08/2026 11:47

Tell the negative Nellie’s to piss off! I lived with my parents till I was 41!!
Very similar circumstances, I paid rent did my own washing, helped around the house. Plenty of space so we weren’t under each other’s feet and all got on well together! Plus they got free cat care when they went on holidays!

RandomMess · 13/08/2026 11:47

We love having our DC with us, we have such a close supportive relationship and of course they are saving to have a 50% deposit on 4 bed detached house when they move out (it some ridiculous priced property for the area where you live).

CakeBakingQueen · 13/08/2026 11:44

liverpoolgal82 · 13/08/2026 11:30

None of their business and why do they care anyway? I did the same- I stayed at home until 29 and bought my first flat then. My parents always encouraged us to save for a deposit instead of paying rent so that’s what we did.

They say we are doing our children no favours as they aren’t dealing with ‘real life’. They constantly praise other younger family members who have moved out and let us know they think they are doing better than our children. It doesn’t seem to matter that we are all happy with the situation because in their opinion mid to late twenties is too old to be living with your parents.

OP posts:
liverpoolgal82 · 13/08/2026 11:30

None of their business and why do they care anyway? I did the same- I stayed at home until 29 and bought my first flat then. My parents always encouraged us to save for a deposit instead of paying rent so that’s what we did.

dudsville · 13/08/2026 11:29

This is an akward time of transition. Some of the older generations don't understand what it's like for younger folks nowadays and recall leaving home young and making their way. I say this as a mid 50s woman who left home at 17 and never looked back. Times were different. When I look at my friends with children and the situaitons they're in, I think there will be more extentions and loft conversions as we return to multi generational home life.

purplecorkheart · 13/08/2026 11:27

Keep repeating it is none of their business and you will not be discussing it with them. If they keep doing it I would either get up and leave or else ask them to leave.

Swissmeringue · 13/08/2026 11:27

"our children are welcome to live here as long as they like, we are happy, they are happy and able to save for their future, your opinion on this matter is both irrelevant and unwelcome". If MIL wants to go cry about it that's her problem.

Dearg · 13/08/2026 11:25

As ever, first post has nailed it.

Sounds like you are a lovely family who support each other. No one else’s business.

FionnulaTheCooler · 13/08/2026 11:23

Ask them if they're planning to gift the money for a deposit to them so they can move out. If not, they can shut the fuck up.