AIBU to think it’s none of their business?

They sound like quite toxic relatives.

Could you try sending a neutral card saying "Something keeps happening which is upsetting us. When you criticise our adult children for saving their money rather than moving out, it causes so much distress and frustration. We understand you have opinions but at the end of the day it is their decision and our decision. Things have got to the point where we're not willing to be part of any more conversations around this issue. We don't want to see x and y feeling like they have to avoid you rather than face critical comments on this issue, either. You're free to choose not to see us if you would prefer that but we cannot have the issue of x and y moving out as a conversation topic on your part ever again. We're only drawing this boundary because so much distress has been caused and we care about the relationships in our family. Please consider this our invitation to move forward together."

Absolutely none of their business. I would hate my kids to pay rent if they could live with me and save.

We told FIL that the mortgage Ds can get is only X times his salary which won't even touch a 2 bed on our street
I think the mistake people make is sharing these sorts of details in the first place. Once you tell (some) people anything about your finances, they'll see it as carte blanche to have and express an opinion on them.

Same age as you and exactly this. Your son sounds lovely and people can be such arses.

I think your husband handled it very well.
As is your son by going out and not visiting.

They are rude.
It is non of their business.

I wouldn't invite them to visit and would see them less at their address.
Telling them the conversation is not up for discussion and telling them its time for you to leave, if they persist.

I wouldn't tolerate this rudeness and I wouldn't want to be around it.

Respect your sons decision to completely avoid them.

Well done to your husband.
Any blowback from family, shut it down firmly as being rude too.

Next time and every time thereafter, one response: “what makes you think it is any of your business how we live our lives? We don’t really care what you think and would like you to stop with these questions”.

Don’t explain don’t give reasons. If they persist then stand up and say let’s end this visit before it gets uncomfortable and walk away or show them out.

You may see less of a few family members and your son can hang around the house more.

I agree with your husband, see less of them.

They are rude for commenting and haven't stopped when your DH talked to them.

Why do they care so much , I'd ask that then well do you want to fund the move ? your dh was right to tell his dm to butt out . Things have changed and just because they were glad to see the back of their children doesn'tmean you are. They are ruining their own relationships with their grandkids . Is there a chance they think they may move in with you when the kids are moved out

This.

We had the same , one of my twin daughter's ( 33) still lives with us . She has just bought her first house, she's having a bit of work done before she moves in. People seemed to think she should have moved out before. She's always worked , even when she was doing her teaching degree. She's not moving far , but we'll miss her dreadfully

Reply “never! We feel so lucky to have raised children we genuinely like spending time with as adults and it’s so nice to be included in their adult lives!” On repeat.

I left home at 17 for uni, and then moved abroad but my Dad, who’s now passed was happy to have any of my siblings back! I would love to be able to go home :( feel free to whip out the morbidity and tell guests “well one day we will be dead and they won’t live with us then” make family bets on how they will respond to that

I really don’t understand the doing no favours You are doing your dc a massive favour as they can save a deposit.
It’s good your dh isn’t tolerating this.
I’d stop seeing them as much and if they say anything say we are all happy in our house with the set up, stop bringing it up it’s not a topic for discussion.
Maybe turn it on her and say when are you moving into a retirement home, doing you no favours in a house you don’t need.

In dh's culture families all live together. Everyone contributes. My dc are working, earning, if they weren't in different countries I would be happy to have them at home. This obsession with getting kids out as soon as possible will have to change because property is in short supply and unaffordable for many.

A lot of people are really rude about men, in particular, living with their mum (if it was only dad, they don't seem to whine as much)-think of all the comments about apron strings, don't take a man from his mummy, all the people who say they wouldn't date a man who lives with his mum...so maybe MIL is just too influenced by these sorts of things.
Tell her you aren't bothered by people's prejudices, explain how difficult it if for youngsters compared to your generation-and say you're having this conversation once. If she mentions it again, unfortunately you'll have to hang up/leave. Eventually she'll get the message.

Yes, it's an extremely immature situation to be in... to poke your nose into another adult's perfectly normal personal choices, criticise them because they happen to differ from your own choices, and then cry when they remind you of this (what should be) obvious fact.

It's very ironic indeed: her suggesting that OP's adult children are big babies, when she should be looking in the mirror instead!

It is virtually impossible to both rent and save for a deposit nowadays.
You are doing what works for you and your DS. It is no one else's business.

FIL has been making comments about our eldest still living at home, he is 23. He even said the children still come on holiday with you? Yes, we enjoy their company and they are a bloody delight.

I think some people just cannot fathom families where parents and adult children don't just get along OK but genuinely love each other's company and being around each other. Maybe she is bitter that she didn't have such loving, supporting parents at that age; or maybe she feels guilty that she wasn't such a loving, supporting parent herself. Nobody wants a grown-up child who is still being babied and held back by their parents and contributing nothing, but OP's case is worlds apart from this.

A minority of older folk really do struggle with understanding and accepting that the world has changed and that younger generations may not choose (or even have available to them) the same paths that they did - and that neither of them was right or wrong; they are just different people living at different stages of different lives.

I think it's absolutely wonderful what you are doing!!!
Tell everyone to piss off and keep their nose out. It's your house your rules.
It think it would be different story if they were lazy didn't help around the house and didn't work they are doing all of these things.
You have the room so it's no problem why would they sleep and eat somewhere else pay ridiculous amount of rent when they can do that with you and save their money. It's so hard these days to save for a house.
I hope I can do this for my kids one day.

It sounds like you have raised your children beautifully and your set up is admirable as a child who, along with all siblings, were thrown out as teenagers. I can only hope to provide for my children as you managed to do so. You should be proud and tell them all to fuck off.

They say we are doing our children no favours

You look them in the eye and say "hell no, who'd do the ironing if DS moved out"

Seriously though, I had a family member that woukd come to my house and guaranteed every visit would be "if I were you I'd" blah blah blah.

One day I did look them in the eye and say "but you're not me are you, so it's totally irrelevant what you'd think or do".

The kids are not in the same situation as we were buying houses and.rent is expensive so why not be at home if it’s not upsetting the family who live together. I think you should just say we love them being at home they are independent and we don’t skivvy after them no one is being forced to stay we are doing what suits us a family not bowing down to outside family telling us how to live our lives. If it bothers you so much you don’t have to visit us.

Your immediate family all need to give your wider family the same and direct message, enough is enough with their unwanted interferance which is insensitive, innapropriate and down right rude.

If your DS tells them to effoff, as his parents you need to show them you are on his side.

Its absalutely crazy to be honest because you got it, you are all happy and have found a way of living which suits you all so magnificently well and I say good on you all for that its superb and I am genuinly happy for you and your immediate family, as you are a shining example to many others.

"At your age it is time for you to be thinking of downsizing. That would release some capital that you might think of sharing with our son so he can afford a house deposit."

As previous posters have suggested, next time they bring it up ask them if they’re offering a down payment on a mortgage.

Tell them that you are happy with the way things are, happy with your son's plan, delighted you are able to help him and to keep their unmasked for opinions to themselves.