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Original poster

Am I wrong for still having girls' nights out now that I'm married?

63 replies

hytury · 13/08/2026 10:37

I'm 30 Year old women and I've been married for three months. My husband and I were together for almost 15 years before getting married. He was actually my childhood best friend, so we've basically grown up together.

I've always had girls' nights with my best friends. As we got older, it became something we usually did about once a month. When my husband was away for a week or travelling for work, sometimes we'd do it a little more often.

There are basically two types of girls' nights for us.

Sometimes we'll actually go out a bar, club, restaurant, cinema, whatever. Other times we'll just end up at one of our apartments, open a bottle of wine, order food and spend hours talking about absolutely everything.

And honestly, it's never been about getting male attention or going out to flirt or cheat. We're just friends having a good time together. If we're at a club, we're dancing with each other. If we're at a restaurant, we're eating and talking. Sometimes we don't even leave someone's apartment.

Since getting married, though, I've had a few people make comments along the lines of, "You're married now, you probably shouldn't be going out to pubs/clubs with your friends anymore."

I genuinely don't understand this.

Why would getting married mean I suddenly can't spend time with my female friends? I'm not going out every weekend. It's usually once a month, and quite often it's something completely innocent like dinner or a movie anyway.

My husband isn't controlling about it either. He has his own friends and his own life, and I don't expect marriage to mean that either of us stops doing things independently.

So I'm curious do other married women still have regular girls' nights And what do you consider reasonable when it comes to going to bars or clubs after marriage

Also, where do people draw the line regarding attention from the opposite sex? Personally, I don't think simply being approached or getting attention is cheating. You can't control whether someone finds you attractive or tries to talk to you. What matters is how you respond to it.

Obviously, deliberately flirting, exchanging numbers, kissing someone, hooking up, etc. would be completely different territory for me. But I'm genuinely interested in other people's opinions. Is having a girls' night out after marriage completely normal, or do you think some things should change once you're married?

OP posts:
user293948849167 · 13/08/2026 12:14

I remember when I had been married a couple of months and was going away with friends for the weekend, the Friday in work one of my (male!) colleagues asked me if my husband minded me going away for the weekend.
I said no and that I wouldn’t have married him if he did. Colleague looked taken aback but I meant it 100% and still do 16 years later!

MyDarlingRose · 13/08/2026 12:14

SJM1988 · 13/08/2026 12:04

I'd take bets on it not being about the girls night out but the fact you chatting to other men on a night out. Honestly the fact you need to clarify you don't see speaking to other men and getting attention as cheating and is fine, comes across as you probably blur those boundaries at time. I polite sorry I'm married is all that is needed to be said really.

I'm all for girls nights out and now we have migrate for girls weekends away - but all male attention is pushed back. We are on a girls night interested in talking to and spending time each other, not looking for attention from men.

Speaking to men is not cheating. Thats not subjective. Having a conversation with a man is not betraying your husband. Ffs when did the world go back in time?

I end up speaking to men because my besties are single and they chat men up and I end up next to their mates. What am I meant to stand there silently with a face like thunder? Last chat I had we discussed the Welsh language becoming more widely spoken. SCANDALOUS

MyDarlingRose · 13/08/2026 12:13

I’m 31 and married and nobody has ever made those comments to me. Why would they? You can see when out and about that married women of all ages go to bars and clubs with friends. It’s not 1900.

I don’t actually drink but I go out with my girlfriends fairly often.

Jaimelefromage · 13/08/2026 12:07

SJM1988 · 13/08/2026 12:04

I'd take bets on it not being about the girls night out but the fact you chatting to other men on a night out. Honestly the fact you need to clarify you don't see speaking to other men and getting attention as cheating and is fine, comes across as you probably blur those boundaries at time. I polite sorry I'm married is all that is needed to be said really.

I'm all for girls nights out and now we have migrate for girls weekends away - but all male attention is pushed back. We are on a girls night interested in talking to and spending time each other, not looking for attention from men.

How would the OP‘s MIL and aunt know who she is chatting to on a night out?

SJM1988 · 13/08/2026 12:04

I'd take bets on it not being about the girls night out but the fact you chatting to other men on a night out. Honestly the fact you need to clarify you don't see speaking to other men and getting attention as cheating and is fine, comes across as you probably blur those boundaries at time. I polite sorry I'm married is all that is needed to be said really.

I'm all for girls nights out and now we have migrate for girls weekends away - but all male attention is pushed back. We are on a girls night interested in talking to and spending time each other, not looking for attention from men.

bodododo · 13/08/2026 11:55

hytury · 13/08/2026 11:44

They can't do anything, I'm an independent women and i married to a secure man!

When I told my Husband, He laughed off....but it was stuck in My mom

Show quote history

Stuck in what??

Why are two of your posts perfectly written and two are bordering on the nonsensical?

I was going to ask which "people" said this to you but you've answered already DH's mum and aunt. Just ignore them. It's none of their business.
If people say things like that to me I always say "so... anyway..." and change the subject. I do not enter into any kind of discussion with people who are sticking their oar in somewhere they have no business being.

GinWizard · 13/08/2026 11:45

Are his family of a different cultural background? Not that I think that excuses their bonkers views but may explain it.

Original poster
hytury · 13/08/2026 11:44

Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/08/2026 11:37

Ignore them OP. That's a view that disappeared by the 70s, as far as I know. Do they expect you to cut your hair short now too? And count down the months from honeymoon to pregnancy.

They can't do anything, I'm an independent women and i married to a secure man!

When I told my Husband, He laughed off....but it was stuck in My mom

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 13/08/2026 11:42

Ignore them, they're stuck in the 1800s - as long as you and your husband are happy then that's all that matters - I think its healthy to maintain friendships outside of marriage and do stuff separately as well as together

Lomonald · 13/08/2026 11:42

Pearlstillsinging · 13/08/2026 11:39

And the generation before them went to "Young Wives Group"/Mothers Union meetings at least once per month, often associated with the local church.

Show quote history

Yes it was to make sure married women were seen as respectable.

Pearlstillsinging · 13/08/2026 11:39

Lomonald · 13/08/2026 10:52

I can remember my mums generation used to have "selling parties" so the married women having somewhere "acceptable " to go out because back in the 70s and early 80s it was seen as odd married women went out with their friends. So they were all getting sloshed at tupperware parties 😂

And the generation before them went to "Young Wives Group"/Mothers Union meetings at least once per month, often associated with the local church.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/08/2026 11:37

Ignore them OP. That's a view that disappeared by the 70s, as far as I know. Do they expect you to cut your hair short now too? And count down the months from honeymoon to pregnancy.

ExtraOnions · 13/08/2026 11:35

Did you get married in the 1880s and have time slipped through?

Charlize43 · 13/08/2026 11:33

Who said this to you ("You're married now, you probably shouldn't be going out to pubs/clubs with your friends anymore.")?

Do you live in some sort of Amish community?

NannyOf8Girls · 13/08/2026 11:31

My ages 40+ 3 daughters still have friends meetups, holidays at home and short breaks abroad together..All married with children. No need to be as I was in the 80's - very rare Tupperware parties and occasional cinema meet up dropped off by our husbands then picked up by one or other husband...

Definitely no weekend away hen do's or hols together with old friends....
SO please don't give up being YOU girls....men certainly don't.

Original poster
hytury · 13/08/2026 11:30

Goodmorningeveryone26 · 13/08/2026 10:51

Of course you need to be going out with your girlfriends. You need those friendships and you’re young and child-free and should be enjoying yourself . I draw the line at chatting with other men at all. It’s not cheating but it is disrespectful to your spouse. Any attempts at chatting up need to be nipped in the bud immediately in my view . So if guys come over to a group of married women they should be sent off. If some of your girlfriends are single it’s more complicated in that of course they can chat to who they like, then if a female friend chats to you while your buddies are getting it on, what can you do? But you need to be really clear in your mind not to be flirting. That’s just my (very clear) view

That's a clear boundary

But when you're out, it's normal for men to try to talk to you, or flirt. I don't mind talking, but flirting isn't good

I work at a luxury jewelry brand as a client manager honestly, my job is to talk with people, sometimes rich men. So if that makes me cross a line or feels like cheating on my husband, that's not my intention

I attend events and things like that. If some men find me attractive or flirt with me, I don't mind, honestly except it does boost my self-esteem a bit. But in any social circle, my intention isn't to get attention or to cheat on my husband

OP posts:
mumumental · 13/08/2026 11:28

Fgs no. Of course you can go out. If you end up with children I’m betting it will be far more apartment and restaurant than pubs and clubs!

whippersnapper55 · 13/08/2026 11:26

Bizarre that anyone would say that to you? Are we living in Afghanistan? Are married women not allowed to go out without their husbands in tow?

JLou08 · 13/08/2026 11:23

That's one of the most ridiculous things I've heard. Are his mum and aunt from a different culture? I just can't fathom why they would say this. It's really odd. Do they expect your DH to stop going out too or is it just the women who need to stay indoors? Are they against married women working too?

Swissmeringue · 13/08/2026 11:23

Of course you should carry on spending time with your friends in whatever way you see fit at every point in your life. Your MIL and aunt are being ridiculous. Ignore them.

Bigminnie1 · 13/08/2026 11:22

Jesus - who the fuck says this shit to you? Sounds like something my mother would have said- she would be 90 if she was still alive.
l’m in my 50’s, been married for nearly 25 years and go out regularly/ go away with my female friends. My DH has just been away with his male friends.

MildlyMoist · 13/08/2026 11:21

Can’t you rebadge it to sound less like a hen do to the deliberately offended? ‘I’m going out to dinner with my friends’ might sound less alarming to the Victorian pearl clutchers. It’s exactly the same thing but has fewer negative connotations. ‘On Saturday I’m going to see a film with Sarah and Abby’. ‘Veronica’s invited a few of us for a drink at hers next week’.

You shouldn’t have to, but anything which oils the wheels of relationships without much effort seems like a good idea.

Peonies12 · 13/08/2026 11:21

hytury · 13/08/2026 10:52

My husband's Mom and his Aunt......I felt Disgusting!!

I didn't Push back them.... Don't want carry cold relationship

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Why did you feel disgusting? It's none of their business.
You need to learn to stand up for yourself otherwise they'll think they can control everything you do. Particularly if you do have children, you will not want their forced input on your decisions!!

DebbieSavage · 13/08/2026 11:18

Not at all, you can have as many girl's night's out as you want. Your husband can pick up the slack.

Jaimelefromage · 13/08/2026 11:15

I’ve been married for 17 years. For those entire 17 years, I’ve carried on going out with my female friends regularly. No one has ever told me that I shouldn’t be doing this.