Left dsd alone on holiday

Is this for anyone particular? Quote or tag maybe?

I've said upthread that I would have done re her leaving in the middle of the night. I'd have kicked up an almighty fuss, in front of that boy and generally done everything in my power to keep her in the house.
I would have cancelled my flight until she was with me and on the flight too. If necessary I'd have her dad fly over and help. But nothing would have compelled me to just get on the plane and leave her there.
Now I'm not saying I wouldn't have been massively pissed off but you don't just leave your distressed kids and go home. Not even when they are being a total pita.

Good grief, you're carrying on. 👋

Oh isn’t it!

The sanctimonious i wouldn’t have allowed that! But can’t follow it up with an actual strategy!

And, no, I don't have any of these issues, personally, so I'm not speaking from experience. We are not a blended family, our child has no issues and they are very, very well behaved. Whoop whoop, lucky me. The main thing is, it doesn't stop me from being able to look through someone else's lense and see that their situation might be fraught and challenging.

Do I? Really?

Shall we start hurling insults? Shall
I say what you sound like? With the “I would’ve made her get o the flight” nonsense?

And it sounds as though this probably isn't the first time words haven't been enough to coax step-daughter into toeing the line.

OP sounds like she knows SD very well and probably had enough experience to figure out it was futile.

I'm also not sure how she could have put the required energy / time / effort into (figuratively) dragging SD from the boy's house with 4 children (and suitcases) in tow. Getting 4 kids (bad luggage) to the airport, alone, sounds like a big enough task.

I think people forget reality, sometimes. It's so easy to comment from the sidelines.

How would you have dealt with it?

Ha ha what? You sound like a child..

@Absolutefuckinglegend No one should be leaving a 19 yr old behind in a foreign country or letting her leave, drunk, at 3am with a boy she barely knows and not offer so much as a tiny protest. Thats not showing love or even basic care imo.
I wouldn't have done it. And I don't believe OP would have left her own dd at that age, regardless of what she says now.

Your quote was I would’ve made her get the flight….

But in reality that was bullshit!

When asked how by numerous posters, you conceded you could t have done, be is DD or DSD!

Silly comment! Glad you realise that now.

May be tag or quote them? Otherwise the comment just gets lost.

Oh god not this again. Obviously a person isn't going to physically manhandle another grown adult into a car through an airport and onto a plane. That obviously isn't possible. I really didn't think that would require explanation, I was wrong. This is MN I suppose. I explained what op could have done and why and, op did none of it. And was only too happy to dump her fragile SD abroad and fly back without her, with only a feeble 'I called her once but no answer'. Sorry not good enough.

YANBU - at 19 she is an adult. Actions have consequences.

It's up to her father to parent her instead of criticising you.

@Pinkchickenwinethst was a reply to another poster who was asking what obvious fact I'd left out. I thought they were going to say that as a 19 yr old the dd is an adult.

Possibly would have dealt with things differently because there wouldn't have been the same thread of backlash.

To completely brush over the complexities of a blended family is to be obtuse to the nth degree.

???

Has your DH ever taken all 5 children abroad on his own before? Does he regularly look after them all to give you downtime? Personally, I’d refuse to take DSD away again without DH being present as you can no longer trust her to behave appropriately.

I bet it's true though.
Tbh, I thought you were going to go down the 'she's 19 and an adult' route.

Wow OP. First all, she's very lucky to have you as her SM. You sound incredibly understanding and compassionate. You have clearly gone out of your way to support her.

However, I think you (and especially your husband) need to step back here and ask whether you are helping her by allowing her to continue to behave as she is.

The level of entitlement, self centredness and disregard for others that she has shown is off the scale.

We all got far too drunk at 19. But repeatedly making your drinking the whole family's problem to sort? Not cool. She is 19 not 9, and needs to act accordingly and take responsibility.

Trauma is a mitigating factor, it is not a free pass to do as she pleases and ride roughshod over the rights of others. The first thing she would be asked to do in therapy is to consider whether her behaviour was acceptable and appropriate. She messed up (repeatedly) and it is on her to remedy that. To do this, she needs to be encouraged to look again at her own conduct.

Aside from the impact on her family, she also sounds like she's taking considerable risks with her own safety.

Your husband in particular needs to stop enabling and excusing unacceptable behaviour. She will not develop the resilience she needs to succeed in adulthood if he lawnmowers away every uncomfortable feeling or difficult situation.

Ta fa!

Despite your I would make her go on
the plane 🤦‍♀️, you confirmed you couldn’t!

Ta da

If you like

OP didn't even try to stop her. I do wonder if she would have taken the same approach if this was her biological daughter and not a step daughter.

You're a true hero taking 4 children and a stroppy teen on holiday by yourself, you did absolutely the right thing prioritising the children and getting you all home safe and sound, bloody well done Op 😘