Left dsd alone on holiday

She needs to be the one taking the OP out, apologising and reassuring her that she will never treat her that poorly again!

You are good and kind, perhaps to a fault? But then I was brought up very strictly and am often surprised by what people on MN are prepared to tolerate from their older teens.

Personally I would have seriously considered sending her home after the first incident. But that was a judgment call; you were there so know how things were afterwards.

At 3am I wouldn’t have been sufficiently alert to think the situation through (who is?) but what I probably would have done was phoned her several times in the morning and sent her a blunt text with the flight information and what time we would be picking her up. I would have packed her stuff and driven past the house and rung the doorbell. I would allow a bit of time for her to scramble into some clothes and say goodbye to her bf. But the text would be quite clear that if she wasn’t willing to come then we wouldn’t be able to wait.

So, giving her a chance to travel home together and recover the situation but not making it particularly comfortable or easy for her.

Suggestions to take her out for a special reassuring chat? Words fail me!

I think the difference if this was OPs DD is that she'd probably feel able to be a lot more direct about the drunk behaviour. Stepmothers have to walk a fine line here as they're so easily criticised.

Perfectly sensible and reasonable.

As I said, higher up in the thread, I've no idea what else you could have done, without it being too much of a detriment to your younger children.

💯

Thank god you’re in the minority!!

That was my thinking, too.

I get the impression SD has had more leniency, due to being a SD (and her accompanying past), than a bio DD would have had.

No one should be exposing young children to drunken unruly behaviour and vomiting, or making them miss their flight, because of an adult who couldn't keep themselves in check. Why do the needs of the 19 year old trump the needs of the other 4 younger children? The poor sod who is the OP only has 1 pair of hands.

And, in case you've missed it, I'm not damning the 19 year old. Sure, she's an adult by law, but she's a developing youngster with a past that probably causes her some issues. Plus, 19 year olds without a history do stupid shit. I wasn't one of them (boringly sensible, over here) but I appreciate I was in the minority and it's perfectly normal for youngsters to be wild and reckless at times.

I think OP was in an impossible position but, on balance, the 19 year old had the freedom of choice and autonomy, the children who had not yet attained the age of 18 did not and OP owed them a duty of care.

I think you did exactly the right thing.
She knew she was leaving the next day.
her father should make her realise that her binge drinking made her make very bad decisions. Things could have gone very badly.
Her poor behaviour caused her to miss the flight. Did she expect 5 others to miss theirs because she was shit faced?

And of course the kids wouldn’t wake up with the drink DD kicking off, they’d have stayed fast asleep 🙄! Dp
you actually believe that? I presume they’re not staying in a four storey house, just a hotel or villa accommodation!

And OP was not doing it because she wanted hey children to sleep interrupted, what an awfuL thimg to say! She was doing it to stop
them being traumatised! Some parents protect their children, some don’t! But the ones protecting are not wrong, the others that minimise it as “interrupted sleep” like they’re getting woken to go on a trip, well they need to look at themselves!

Arguing with a drunk person is not pleasant for the young lookers!

Shameful minimisation of the situation!

OP I don't think you're an evil step mother. I don't doubt that you care about her. But you asked if yabu and in case, I do think you were. And I do think you'd have acted differently if she was yours. I think you made the wrong call - just because she throws at you that you aren't her mum, it doesn't mean she doesn't need you to act like you are. Leaving her just reinforces her view that you're not her mum iyswim.
I don't dispute that she's been a total pita snd you gave every right to be pissed off, but imo you shouldn't have left her. To all intents and purposes she is yours, certainly on that holiday.

OP, anyone who can read should be able to tell from your OP that you're far from a wicked stepmother. You've already been kind and understanding.

The kids would presumably be asleep in the middle of the night. But yes, if there's a choice between allowing my teenager (step or bio) to leave, drunk with a man so my kids can sleep uninterrupted, or waking them do I can keep her safe, I choose keeping her safe.
And yes, I'd cancel those flights because again the choice is save the money or protect my teen. I choose to protect my teen.

You sound a lovely stepmum.
She sounds like she’s struggling, bless her.
It does sound like this should be the last holiday with just you and your younger DC. It must be quite boring for her.

Ta da!

No more freebies for that DSD!

In future the 19 year old should pay & organise their own holidays away from the main family

The flights for five people? Not your flight?

then made her dad fly over, adding another flight so seven flights now?

So seven extra flights and additional accommodation cost for you all.

You've a lot of available cash!

You’d have kicked up
an almighty fuss, frightening the already frightened other children? One that was already crying and frightened?

For a drink abusive 19 year old, who is fine, as expected!

If you're spinning on the fact that this girl isn't her biological daughter and trying to pull she favours her own then I'd think she'd have refused to take her stepdaughter at all if that was honestly the case

Just a follow up on my previous post before someone jumped on with assumptions!

You've been very patient so far but this was a step too far. She's an adult; sometimes the best way is for them to learn for themselves. The fact she's trying to blame you for her poor judgement suggests she needs to be held into account for her own actions more often!

I think it was unkind to leave her there but understand why you did. She is an adult at the end of the day so she needs to grow up.

Seemingly!

It's ok if it's a stepkid though.

As are you!