Left dsd alone on holiday

It's not about how competent a 19yr old is in booking flights, travelling etc. Many posters are saying this as if it's the issue. This is missing the point.

The point is op left her SD in another country and took her bio kids back home. She barely tried to let the SD know she was going to do this.

OP should simply tell SD she loves her now, some have suggested - do me a favour.

Actions speak louder than words

and this fragile SD knows now that her SM is not to be relied upon and she can't trust her (I expect she always suspected that anyway).

Aw Grendel7 you're obsessed with me ❤! lots of responses and mentions from you on pp posts too. Sweet really. But no I don't 'need therapy', funny! You mention 'bitterness' - not sure what you're referring to but I'm not bitter about anything tbh. I'm not a step child nor do I have step children, if that's what you meant. But you're pretty incomprehensible so not sure.

Exactly this. My (very young for her age, ND) dd at 18 organised all her own flights, trains, accommodation etc to and from various Asian countries, as well as trips to Europe with friends. There's no way in this scenario I'd miss a flight for me and 4 young kids if my dd made choices that meant she missed the flight. A 19 yr old should be well able to go online and book themselves another flight, and sort out an AirBnB if needed, although it doesnt sound like the dsd would have even needed to do that.

I think if this was your biological child, you would have 1) gone absolutely ape shit at her for her dreadful behaviour and 2) not left her behind.

I don't think being nice and understanding in respect of rude and irresponsible behaviour is the right answer.

But given you can't discipline her and you have to tip toe around her behaviour so much, you had no choice but to just leave her. She is an adult, I was living abroad on my own at age 19.

You sound perfect to me. And did everything right. I have two younger daughters and a 20 yo DD and would have done the same as you as the only other adult. Had your DH been there one of you could have stayed with her or gone to try and get her but he wasn’t and reserving new flights for you and the other children rather than one 19yo was the lesser of those evils.

oh for gods sake - id have done the same op - dont know why you getting so many judgmental people

my 18 year old step son is in asia somewhere with friends right now - doesnt need us looking after him

am sure hes gotten into crap situations all over the place on this trip

i went on similar 6 month trip at 20 and omg the stuff that happened

its pretty normal

it would have been absolutley stupid for them to have to rebook 5 flights wtf -

It is obv to me that dh is one of those "I'm busy, can you deal with it" types who take a wife just have a nanny for the kids he happily has,as he doesn't have to look after them!

He was at home, not on the holiday. OOwas there with 4 other young children.

19 is NOT young. Why are adults now thought of as children?
So many of us were housewives ( sorry "homemakers"!)and mothers by this age with all the responsibilty that brings!
Now I understand what is meant by the " flaky" generation...need their hands holding for everything

As I have already mentioned,at 19 I had a 2 yr old, and zero help from parents. Had to make all decisions for myself and everything turned out fine. 19 is an adult, its irrelevant what relation they are to you.

Queencat you really are just provoking now aren't you.
Go hit a punchbag dear.

Queencat...please please book yourself into therapy! Your bitterness is palpable.

At 19 I was travelling solo through Europe like many others. If I missed a flight then that’s on me. This girl needs some accountability.

Oh Queencat you are obviously a stepchild with issues.
You are twisting point, it isn't about you this time,stop trying to hog the attention!

Queencat, you obviously need therapy. Please leave OP alone, she has done nothing wrong in the face of massive problems and is STILL nice enough to not even tell the girls dad all of it!
Please look to yourself for the problems you are imagining.

You would have wasted five air tickets? On a woman old enough to get pissed, choose her sexual partners, but disobey any family rules?

Poor girl could really use therapy when she’s ready. I recognise this behaviour so much from myself when I was lost and trying to cope with things that had happened. Hopefully you guys can rectify this rupture.

It's not as if this badly behaved adult was left stranded in a foreign country on her own. She was in bed with a lad she knows who was with his family and she was in contact with multiple other family friends!

Would be interesting to know if she would have got so pissed & behaved so badly if her dad was there.

Sorry but I wouldn’t have left without her if I were her dad. She was with a guy ye didn’t trust. I think you both put up with a lot and were great but as teens we’ve all done stupid stuff and seeing how drunk ye had seen her I just think he should have stayed and got her home. People can say about age but even if she were older- she’s still a drunk woman in a different country

You'd have let a boy you don't know or trust enough to allow to stay over with your young DC nevertheless stay over with them, really?

I can see that OP could've attempted to do more, ring DH if nothing else, but nothing about this situation says it was possible to protect everyone if DSD simply wasn't having it. As OP says she doesn't know or trust the friend well enough to invite him to sleep over, she also doesn't know or trust him well enough to presume any attempts at boundaries would be respected.

your DH sent you away with 5 children

Quite a spin you've put on OP's "Took DSD(19) and my 4 younger dc away for a week." @Supporting2026

This is clearly somewhere that the family go to often, have friends there, and a trip that OP chose to take the kids on. You seem to think that women can't make their own choices and that she could only possibly be there because her DH 'sent her'.

At her age, if you go on holiday with parents then you don’t act as if you’re on holiday with your mates. If you want to go out getting properly drunk, stopping out overnight, ignoring the wishes/feelings of the rest of the household then you are an adult perfectly capable of getting yourself home if you’ve missed your flight. If you’re not capable of that and you feel that your parents (step or otherwise) are responsible for getting you home or clearing up your mess, then you should be behaving like a child and doing what you’re expected to, including not getting blind drunk or stopping out overnight. She’s turning on the ‘poor me’ to her dad to cover up her embarrassment, at best, or perhaps because she’s already got used to never having to take responsibility for her actions. I’d be pretty pissed off at my DH in your shoes and tell him that he is not doing his daughter any favours by letting her wrap him round her finger. ‘Could have done more to make her feel included’ - bollocks. She’s 19 and got taken away on holiday and allowed to do whatever she liked - she was included - she chose not to be a part of a family holiday but rather to use you, presumably, to fund her trip, cook or buy her meals and drinks, and clean up after her (including her vomit!) while she went out partying. I, like you, wouldn’t have held that entirely against her as she’s young and had a hard time, but I’d be thinking again if I’ve had it thrown back in my face like this and I’d be telling her just that.

I wonder if he went 'Oh shit' when he realised his happy-go-lucky shag had turned into a freaking out teen, or refused to help, or blamed the Mum, which is why DSD being so salty now, out of mortification...

DH, too, may be embarrassed that she acted like that and is trying to deflect blame...

Anyway, I think you did well to prioritise getting four young kids home, and have been kind enough in keeping quiet about some of her excesses to spare her blushes. But maybe she needs to take the consequences of her actions now.

It's gone from 'I'm old enough to do what I like, you can't tell me what to do, you're not my Mum.'

'Okay, see you back home then.'

'Muuuum!'

What concerns me with this is that you didn't trust the boy enough to have him in the house overnight with your kids, but didn't try to stop your dsd from leaving with him in the middle of the night. She was drunk and vulnerable - we all know what can happen to women in those situations.